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How to make my girlfriend feel wanted?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by redstatic, Jun 16, 2020.

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  1. redstatic

    redstatic
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    Hi! I'm in my first ever relationship and after a few months of being together we decided to take things further and have slowly started to get more intimate and we're just seeing how things progress.

    Now, I'm a very shy person and apart from having difficulty getting out of my shell, I also feel like every move I make might be wrong and upset my girlfriend, so I end up being very submissive and just very passive. Of course, I was worse in the beginning but it's still a problem. Why?

    Because my girlfriend doesn't feel wanted whenever we get more intimate.

    I've asked her to just straight up tell me what she wants so that there is no confusion and I can feel more comfortable but she can't do that all the time. And it'd be fun if I had the courage to ask her if I could do certain things to her, especially when we want to switch the roles.

    I don't know, how do I get over this block? I really want to make her feel wanted but it's like my body won't cooperate.
     
    #1 redstatic, Jun 16, 2020
  2. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Why doesn’t she feel wanted? Because you’re often passive?

    Try communicating more. It’s the best way to learn what you each like. Why won’t she tell you what she wants sometimes? If you’re unsure, then it’ll probably help you to build confidence. And you should be communicating with her too. Be brave. Neither of you can read minds, right?
     
    #2 LostInDaydreams, Jun 17, 2020
  3. Aspen

    Aspen
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    I definitely agree on the more communication. Asking her to tell you what she wants is great, but also ask her what she doesn't want. If you're afraid of doing something that might upset her, knowing where those boundaries are should help put your mind at ease. As long as you're not doing those things, you shouldn't have to worry about upsetting her, right?
     
    #3 Aspen, Jun 17, 2020
  4. redstatic

    redstatic
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    Right, I'm very passive so that makes her feel like I'm just not enjoying myself and that I don't want her there. Same thing when I try to top, it's like I can't multi-task because my mind is just filled with doubt and it all just feels very awkward.

    We've talked about it and she's told me what it is that she doesn't want. The list is very short tho so apart from two-three things I can do anything I want and if it doesn't feel right she said she will stop me. But even with that I still feel insecure about touching her.

    It's like my body won't cooperate and it's frustrating
     
    #4 redstatic, Jun 17, 2020
  5. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Hey its ok, I had some issues like this to begin with. How long have you been going out? Honestly I promise it will get better with time.
    If you know some of the things she likes or that you have tried before, even if she initiated them, then my suggestion would be to stick to those things until you become more confident. You dont always have to be trying new things to make her feel wanted.
     
    #5 silverhalo, Jun 17, 2020
    Really likes this.
  6. redstatic

    redstatic
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    We've been together for 4 months but got cockblocked by the lockdown for 2-3 months so we didn't have that much time to get used to each other.

    Thanks for the advice, I really hope to become more confident aaa

    But I'm also expecting another wave of covid to come and take away all the progress haha
     
    #6 redstatic, Jun 17, 2020
  7. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Yeah, even without the virus 4 months isnt that long. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself because that never makes it easier. I know you will get there.
     
    #7 silverhalo, Jun 17, 2020
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