This is a pretty well worn topic on this forum, I've also briefly discussed it in another thread, so I'll make this quick. I think I might feelings for a friend, but the issue is that I don't want to. Now, I'm not saying I don't want to because I don't wanna ruin the friendship or anything like that. I'm saying it because I genuinely don't want to. I'm not interested in being anything other than friends. I actually really enjoy it, and I know if I started to feel something that would only complicate things and that's not what I want. I'll give some background into how this all started. We met online and we've been talking for a few months now. We live like a few miles away from each and go to college near each other, I've only met her once in person cause we're busy with school and stuff. Anyway, these feelings started a few days ago. She had to do a video essay for a class and I asked to see it. She sent the link and as I was watching it I felt...I don't know, something. We talk on the phone all the time but we don't FaceTime so I don't really get to see her like that. I guess I never realized how cute she was. I kinda taken aback to be honest. I kinda taken aback in the same way the first we met. I'd never met anyone I knew from the internet before, so I was kinda nervous the whole time. Afterward, I felt like maybe I did actually like her romantically cause I was kinda giddy. But that feeling didn't last through the night. I told other people about it and it just didn't seem to them like I was into her like that, they also thought that maybe I was using her to get over this other girl I was into (who I mention toward the end of this post), and I couldn't disagree. I also had another falling out with this other girl I was interested in just like a month ago. So anyway, we talked later that day and I told her like "you're pretty" or whatever but it didn't feel like I was confessing my feelings for her, it felt more like I was just stating an observation. Like how you might think a kid or a family member or someone is pretty. I have lots of female friends and I think they're cute but that's kinda it. I'm not interested in them. I'm writing this cause I fear that my feelings might be real. I've fallen for a friend before, just a few months ago actually (around the time I met the girl I'm writing this post about funny enough), and it was the worst thing I've ever felt in my life. I never want to go through it again. I'm so happy to be friends with this new girl. She's enriched my life in so many ways, and I'm just grateful that she's a part of my life. She and I get along really well, we have so much in common it's kinda scary. It's been nice to just be friends and not have feelings messing up the situation. We talk all the time and could, and have, talk for hours. I was cool before I saw the video, and I was pretty cool after. But I don't know I read articles stuff and I just can't stop thinking about this. It's been bothering me all day, I even thought about it in my sleep. This is just as annoyance in my life right now. And I know I can't control feelings and I don't want to be in denial but this really is not something want I want.
