Hey wasn't sure how to get help with this topic, so I came here to hopefully get some abuse survivors opinions on how to best assist my boyfriend. So basically, he was in a long term abusive relationship before we got together and was physically assaulted by his ex multiple times. One of those times was when he was helping her dry dishes and he dropped one accidentally. Long story short, she ended up beating him and this left a big impact on him. Issue is, now whenever I do the dishes he completely shuts down. If he sees me doing them, or hears the kitchen sink running he shuts down and curls up in bed under a blanket. I don't know how to help him with this. I try to only wash dishes when he's not home, but it's hard because he only goes to school and I go to school and work. So I don't have much time alone in the house to do this. Any advice? Anything's helpful, I just want to help him so bad. I love him so much and just don't want to see him in distress because of something I have to do. It really breaks my heart. Quick Note: My boyfriend was abused by a woman; he is bisexual and we are in a gay relationship; not sure if this effects any advice just putting it out there
Getting a washing machine could help but that isn't the advice you are looking for so I also would recommend seeing a therapist for the traumatic event or just sitting down and sitting with him sometimes confrontation can resolve the issue.
It sounds like PTSD or he coul. I think it's hard to deal with the aftermath of an abusive relationship, no matter what the gender is involved. The best thing you can do right now is give him a bit of space. If he doesn't want to talk about it, leave it be. If you want to communicate with him about it, it's best to do it with a licensed therapist. People can be unpredictable when they're confronted about it. In the meantime, try your best not to trigger his traumatic event. Maybe disposable dishes might help better. Take it slow and help him cope with it. He'll come around when he's ready.
