How do I explain to my transphobic/homophobic parents what androgyny is. I've tried to tell them that its where someone likes to dress/look like a girl and a boy at the same time, but my mom just keeps asking if i want to be a boy and my dad says i can be a tomboy & ask if i want to look like a drag queen! I just don't know what to do anymore, and my mom found out that i'm using a home made packer (socks to make it look like I have a bulge like a cis male) she freaked the fuck out like crying & yelling at me. BTW they are not religious, none of my family is, I am actually the religious one in the family. That's all if you have any suggestions, reply to the post.
Wow... that's a hard combination. i don;t know your parents, so just throwing thoughts out there. Many parents are inclined to tell their kids who and how they should be, they are accustomed to be authority figures in their kids lives, so trying to tell them something that goes against their predisposition can be doubly hard if it's coming from they offspring. Maybe try to get them to a Pflag or similar type group where people they see as equals might open them to new ideas? While they may not be religious, many cultural norms in the US have religious roots, even if they do not associate with a particular belief system. Maybe find some literature that explains the subject, something that makes it less personal for them? i know, that sucks, it is personal, but it may be a side door? idk best wishes
PInk Gene.....One of the problems you face is trying to change someone's mind with facts when they have made their decisions based on emotions. That's always a very difficult thing to do. You may be faced with three more years of delaying what you want until you are legally an adult. I know that is not what you want to hear, but it could be the truth. I like what @tallslenderguy says...basically take the slow, easy approach. Try to get them to understand what you are feeling. PFLAG is a great suggestion. Will your parents let you see an LGBTQ trained therapist who could help you and also explain things to your folks? Just a thought as my therapist has been a huge help to me. The idea of literature is also a good idea! .....David
Thank you @tallslenderguy and @quebec! My mom actually just got me with a therapist and we have an assessment zoom call this Friday! But thank you so much for the suggestions!
PInk Gene.....That sounds like a great idea! If you mom has told you the therapists name, you could google it and find out about them. Their website may tell you if they are LGBTQ friendly. Since you said that your parents are not religious, the therapist is probably not a "Christian" Therapist which is usually not a good idea for someone who is trans. I hope all goes well!! Please let us know after you meet them how it went. Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family, and we do care! .....David
Ditto David (quebec) re the "Christian" therapy or another term is "reparative therapy." i've got quite a bit of personal experience with that, they try to 'repair' you vs help you navigate who and how you are. Someone who is state licensed and also membership of a professional organization like the American Psychological Association, the National Association of Social Workers, or the American Counseling Association are all good signs that they are educated and adhere to professional standards, there's also a level of accountability.
