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How to be more focused on the present?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by LostInDaydreams, Jul 17, 2017 at 4:48 PM.

  1. LostInDaydreams

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    This isn't an issue at work, but in my personal life I often feel lonely, empty and like I have little to look forward to. Not all the time, but fairly often, my mind isn't fully engaged in whatever I'm doing or I feel little enthusiasm.

    I would really like to be more focused on what I am doing in that moment and more appreciative of what I have, and have less thoughts about sexuality creeping in.

    I think I'd feel happier if I didn't think about it so much. The more I think about it, the worse I feel. Occasionally I get headaches and feel really low in energy, which I sometimes think could be linked to this. At times I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality and I don't now what to think anymore.

    Any suggestions or ideas? Could I train myself to think about it less?
     
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  2. zumbaqueen

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    Are you in therapy or under a doctors care at all. If not you may benefit from it. When I first started to question my sexually my head felt like a pinball machine. All the things I was doing in my life daily represented the pinball machine and the ball was my thoughts about my sexuality. No matter what was happening in my life that ball would bounce of everything I was doing and sporadically impact my day. I finally agreeed to a low dose of medication to help organize my thoughts. I still have the same thoughts and feelings as I did before, but now they are not overwhelming. And the more I talk about how I really feel inside my sexuality is having less impact affecting my daily life negatively.
     
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  3. Findingmyself1

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    I agree with @zumbaqueen that seeking therapy is so important right now. I'm not sure if you are already seeing someone, but for me it has been so helpful to have someone else give me insight and help me not see things as so catastrophic. My mind was a ping pong ball as well and I could not control the thoughts. I literally felt like I was going crazy. I know the time has to be right for you, but being open with my husband has also been very helpful. It's like we are sharing the burden rather than it all being in my head. The days I was carrying everything myself were too much. You may find that talking to him about what you are going through may be for the best sometime soon.

    I also just started up antidepressants a few days ago because I just have been in quite a slump. It's better than feeling crazy, but being down all the time has also been wearing.

    I am reading The Power of Now and The Artist's Way. Both are incredibly helpful and will help you focus on yourself and finding joy in the moment. I know it is easier said than done. I am still very much working on being in the moment rather than thinking about my sexuality. But I am feeling much better already. Hugs to you!
     
    #3 Findingmyself1, Jul 17, 2017 at 9:52 PM
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2017 at 9:53 PM
  4. LostInDaydreams

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    Thank you both for your replies.

    I have considered finding a therapist, but I am not currently seeing one. To be honest, I feel OK as long as I keep busy and have something to focus.

    It's the feeling of not being able to do anything that I find hard to handle, but it was my choices that got me here and keep me here.

    At some point I am going to have to talk to my partner, but I don't really want this become a shared problem for us to work through.

    I probably wasn't very clear in my OP, but it's not my sexuality that I'm thinking about frequently. I'm not questioning or beating myself up about my attraction towards women. It's more my situation and what I should do (if at all), that plays on my mind.
     
  5. ShortButSweet

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    Have you considered mindfulness? It takes some practice but it helps me.
     
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  6. LostInDaydreams

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    I have tried it before, but struggled to get into it. To be honest, I find it hard to sit and watch TV without having something else to do at the same time.
     
  7. rosemarythyme

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    LostInDaydreams, from what you say it does seems that you would benefit from the emotional support that therapy gives. I'm in quite intensive analytic therapy (not for sexuality reasons) and it's been my experience that it creates a place where it's gradually more and more OK and safe to dismantle the coping mechanisms that kept me busy and feel the scary, unpleasant feelings that the busyness was keeping at bay. For me it's taken a long time to trust therapy enough to do that and it's often very painful but I now feel like I am actually treating the metaphorical bleeding wound rather than hiding it under more and more bandages. That's not to say there's anything wrong with the bandages, I couldn't have done it differently because there never was a place safe enough to unwrap the bandages and look at what's under them, so to speak. But eventually the pain was too much and I had to do something about it. Again, this may not be relevant to you at all but in your posts I do read some distress and wish you had a safe place to look into it with someone there to support you.
     
  8. LostInDaydreams

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    Thank you @rosemarythyme. I like your posts, you write well.

    I would love support with this IRL, but I've been one for asking for help or support. Or discussing my emotions/feelings with others IRL, crying in front of people, etc. I just get on with it and find my own way through

    I'll think about it.
     
  9. rosemarythyme

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    I think I know what you mean there. I never ever asked for help until therapy. Even after all this time I still sometimes struggle to open up and let the therapist see the 'mess' without censoring it and 'cleaning up' by myself first. But increasingly it's been easier and I'm more able to connect with people in general and be vulnerable (others on this forum wrote about vulnerability often).

    I really believe that if therapy is the right thing for you you'll know when you're ready for it.
     
  10. LostInDaydreams

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    Thank you. :slight_smile:
     
  11. zumbaqueen

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    Consider therapy again. And Rosemarythyme is right, you'll know when your ready to go. And it's a long process. I've been going for four years now, and it probably took me two until I trusted my therapist enough to be honest with her (almost four for the sexuality part) In the beginning it would take me a really long time to tell her something and after I did I would worry for days about what I told her and feel like I shouldn't have. Now I sometimes surprise myself with the honesty I have in talking about my feelings and that has been able to spill over into real life.
     
  12. Northern guy

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    Meditation always helps me, true Buddhist meditation with teachings to contemplate during meditation ....... this is true mindfulness, the original and only mindfulness. A lot of the "mindfulness" that is fashionable at the moment is actually "awareness". No bad thing, but it's not complete and difficult to sustain except when you're actively being mindful (or "aware" as it should really be described.
    You don't have to buy into religion, Buddhist or otherwise to benefit from true Buddhist meditation . I have benefited enormously over the past 14 years, and no one has ever asked me about religion. It has helped me deal with major traumas in my life, and I've successfully avoided anti depressants.
    I tried therapy once, but found that I learned much more helpful and usable techniques through meditation classes and the associated simple teachings, for dealing with everything life throws at me.
    I've also made fantastic friends through attendance at meditation classes .
    It takes time though , as does any kind of therapy .
     
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