Hi, To all closeted married guys around 40/50.When you have come to the terms with your real sexual orientation, how long you have been able to pretend a good husband whilst being actually on the down low? I Just met this guy and think things will move quickly with him but I am not ready to come out yet (need to prepare my Wide and children). I m afraid that by having affair with him I wont beable to perform emotionally and sexually with my wife. Whats your experience?
In my experience I would be cautious. For me after my first intimate relationship with another man while still in a long term relationship with my then GF was the beginning of end of my ability to continue in a straight relationship. In a short period of time I lost interest and then the ability to engage in sexual relations with her. Towards the end I was obsessed with getting out of our relationship so I could freely involve myself in a same sex relationship. For me there was no way to put the genie back in the lamp. I don’t regret it but just be aware it can happen and happen quickly. Good luck.
I agree with contented on being cautious. This is something I could never bring myself to do. Despite my feelings and attraction to men, I never acted on it. Even though it has been obvious and created a strain, I just didn’t think this would be fair and if I had done it, I know it would have shown right away. So, I chose to continue in desperation trying to make it work until I made the admission that I am gay. My only outlet was porn and masturbation. No judgement here, I’m sure it feels really good to have met someone. I am curious to hear from anyone who may have come out to their spouse and still waited to leave the marriage. If kids were involved, is there any way to hang on for a while longer?
I had experience when I was a teenager, never really accepted myself though, until a couple of months ago when I told my wife that I was bi. She, with one rule has accepted me. I'm 46 and have lived a life of self hate and shame that I wouldn't wish on anyone. A LOT of sadness at the moment that I felt I had to lie to myself half of my life. If you know in your heart who you are then more power to you. Just make sure you have a plan B,. where to live and support yourself because once you find happiness you won't want to give it up. It may hurt others in you life until they accept you but you deserve to be who God made you. Dean
I don't know because I never cheated on my wife (nor after I was divorced would I mess around with a married man).
