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How long to let someone process their sexuality after a kiss?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TwoMethod, Feb 9, 2018.

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  1. TwoMethod

    TwoMethod
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    Hi guys,

    Long story short: I was getting insane vibes from a friend of mine, and our relationship escalated significantly. You can read all about it in this thread, where I described the affair at length.

    The point is that I had always suspected the sexuality of this friend of mine, and interpreted a lot of what he was doing recently as a tacit acknowledgement of his sexuality and him being into me. However, I professed my love and it initially didn't go too well (he told me he just saw me as a friend). But then he kissed me – very deliberately – and we discussed his sexuality at length afterwards. My conclusion was that he was blocking some of his desires out and/or was doing a lot subconsciously.

    I have essentially signaled that I will give him a few weeks to process/come to terms with it, but I also let him know that I have feelings too. I am still talking to him a lot and seeing him often for various reasons (we are involved in a project together, go running together, and are good friends, as I said), but he told me the night after that he was happy to continue spending time with me – just that he wasn't sure in what capacity.

    How long should I wait for an answer as to the capacity question? Assuming I want to go down this road (I very much do), I am of the view that it may take someone like me who he is clearly into to help him come to terms with his sexuality. He will have to have a reason, and I could be it. I know this will probably be a polarising opinion, so if you are of the thinking that this is not a good idea or that I should absolutely not do this, I'm not entirely interested in hearing that view, really. (Sorry!) I am supremely caring, very careful, very considerate and think everything through. I will not do anything that hurts him.

    Thanks for your help!
     
    #1 TwoMethod, Feb 9, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2018
  2. OffTheAir1

    OffTheAir1
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    Ok, it's me again. I am particularly interested in your story, as I feel I can relate to what your friend is going through.

    I would not focus entirely on the possibility that you might be the one reason that will prompt him to process his thoughts about his sexuality. That being said, though, it is still a possibility. For a long time I waited for that person that would come and save me, the one man who would become the reason I would find the courage to start facing some issues and would give me a valid reason to go through all the pain and sorrows that come from fully acknowledging your sexuality with yourself and, especially, with others.

    That hasn't happened to me. That person never came. But I have started this process of liberation moved by the belief that if I ever want to love and be loved, I have to finally face this truth.

    He will be ready when he is ready. It might not happen anytime soon, but it will. I am sure. In the meantime, you can't put off your life just on the basis of this possibility. It will be harmful for you. And I know that when you love this doesn't seem to matter, but don't bet everything on something that might not work that way you want.
     
    #2 OffTheAir1, Feb 9, 2018
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