How I Survived

*Teleport's away*

You have been poisoned. Oh, No.

 

Mama June sucks out the poison and spits it on Justin Bieber.

Chuck Norris challenges you to a fight. Blindfolded.

 

I say, 'No, thanks' and walk away. (Anti-Violent, right here.)

I are not having fun. So I start sleeping, and develop a sickness for some reason.

 

luckily its a one day cold, and i am over it the next night.

I'm trapped in the Tunguska forest in Siberia on June 30, 1908

im located at:
60.886°N, 101.894°E

 

lucky its 11pm and the comet hit 23hrs ago

You're on an ocean liner thats sinking and there are no lifeboats

 

luckily its in a tropical region, so I'm not going to freeze.

I'm at 46°11′28″N 122°11′40″W at elevation of 2950m at at 0833 hours local time

 

Thank god that eruption was 33 years ago. (come on enough with the lattatude/longetude stuff though I knew the first one off hand)

You are being chased by a dragon

 

I dress up in a MLP Rarity costume, and boss him around.

Dick Cheney and Karl Rove have just eaten 5 pounds of baked beans each, and you're locked in a tiny closet with them.

 

(Hmmm I didn't know Cheney and Rove were in the closet?! LOL)
Not that I enjoy being locked up with 2 guys who have gas but at least farts aren't lethal.

You are in the Sears Tower and a nuclear missile will hit Chicago in 20 minutes.

 

Put on a Spiderman Costume, quickly scale the walls, steal the Batmobile, or Wonder-Woman's plane, and get outta there! Very pragmatic.

You're dropped into a pit of Cobras 50 feet deep!

 

No problem I'm a bubble boy and bounce right back out

You were just hit by a train

 

The train was actually a toy train on a little kid's train set

You have just run out of bullets in a zombie apocalypse and you are being surrounded in the middle of the street, they haven't eaten in weeks.

 

luckily I wasn't out of rockets!!!


You are surrounded by sharks

 

I give them fish and they 'et me get out of the tank I was in.

You have a terminal illness.

 

They suddenly find a cure!

You're flattened by a steam-roller.

 

thank god they just discoverd a cure yesterday

You are sky diving and your chute failed

 

I open my spare chute.

You are attacked by an army of demonic clowns, wielding grenades, guns, chainsaws, flamethrowers, chemical, atomic and biological weapons.

 

Those are some badass clowns... But nothing can kill the hulk! *rages Into the hulk*

Your plane is hijacked by North Koreans

 

Luckily there's only one of them, and the entire plane knows karate.

I'm trapped in a Russian submarine that had sunk and I'm in the slowly leaking emergency pod.

 

luckily I'm rescued before it fills with water

you are being chased by 'Jason'