How Does It Get Better?

The fact that you are still closeted to some of the people who are the closest to you, such as family and friends, and therefore you feel a disconnect from them, seems to be holding you back from taking the steps forward you want.

It does get better. But it only gets better when you no longer are suppressing yourself, when you no longer censor yourself, when you are no longer hiding who you are to the people who love and care for you. I congratulate you on finding the courage to come out, even if a little bit, but I think you still have a ways to go before it will really feel like it's better for you.

Take care.

 

By taking small steps. There is not one answer but things I did and still do:
-I became a member of EC
-I became a member of non public groups on FB to meet other people online (there was a small risk of discovery but I decided to take the risk)
-I went to an event for bisexuals
-I read about being LGBT in general
-I began following LGBT news

 

Honestly, "it gets better" is a saying that cannot possibly apply to everyone. It's like how some people adamantly believe that everyone who is LGBT and closeted will be so much happier if they come out when, for some people, it makes life worse. There are very few things in life that apply to everyone.

I remember growing up, so many people would say life is better when you're older. Well, I'm older, and I don't agree with this relative to my life. It's better in some ways. But dating is so much easier when you're younger, making friends is so much easier when you're younger, you have very few responsibilities when you're younger, and I definitely preferred stuff like going to a couple of classes and then having the rest of the day to myself in college vs going to work for hours every day. It doesn't always feel like certain things are easier for younger people while you're young, but you get older and look back and realize, "Gosh, I wasted so many opportunities that I can't get now" or "Gosh, I really thought I had it so hard back then, and I didn't when I compare it to now."

I find this depends on a couple of things:

1) getting used to talking about it, which means talking about it more, and
2) talking to the right people about it, i.e. people you feel comfortable with.

For me, it's also understanding from being a straight-looking fly on the wall (i.e. having straight people assume I'm straight and hearing how they really talk about LGBT people when they think no one around them is LGBT) that when I talk to people about it, most people will actually act okay and like it's no big deal to my face...and that they will talk about me behind my back. Basically, just understanding human nature and how people actually are so that I can be prepared for anything bad that happens. I don't let people fool me. But I also know that most people don't actually have the guts to be a you-know-what to my face if I talk about being a lesbian.

If you want to talk about struggles, it's hard to find the right straight people to talk to because of what I just mentioned. That's where sites like this are helpful, or if you find LGBT friends and LGBT organizations. Just know that with a lot of LGBT people, you have to stand firm in terms of doing what's right for you and not let them talk you into anything you're not ready for...and also have to know the first point I made, which is that just because something was the case for one LGBT person doesn't mean it will be for you, too. It's okay not to be ready to come out.

 

The one thing that really helped was forming a strong support unit. When I came out, I had a handful of people supporting me and I stuck to them like white on rice, and they were more than happy to be there for me. You really need that because being gay/bi/queer can be a very lonely experience.

If in the event you don't have friends around you, come to EC . You can find much help here until you find your own support base.

I'd also like to say - don't be frustrated that you aren't where you want to be. A year isn't a lot of time for a person to be completely comfortable with their sexuality. It takes a long time to change from resisting your identity, to making it a part of you. Give yourself a little slack and know that things will get better. Good things are worth waiting for. Cheers!