Well the title kind of sums it up, but the long version goes like this. I have come out to all of my friends and immediate family and everyone has been for the most part supportive (non-chalant to happy to working on it but loving, that last one may be my mom...). Now I'm having a problem with how to be out. That sounds silly but I've been so used to suppressing any gay thought or comment and now that I don't have to I just don't know how. Its like being gay is either constantly on my mind and all I can talk about or I'm suppressing it and trying to pretend I'm not. I don't know how to have being gay be just a normal part of my life. Something that comes up when its relevant but isn't in people's faces but not something I cover up. Is it normal to feel like this? How do I get used to being openly gay? How did you guys find the "line" so to speak when interacting with your straight friends so that you didn't make them uncomfortable?
I'd say that being gay is already part of your normal life. What I get from your post is that you might be wanting to go a layer above. In my case, being gay is really just part of my normal life nowadays. If someone ask, I just say I'm gay. If the conversation ever steers towards homosexuality, I'll chip in. There's really no need to do anything beyond what you normally do for your sexual orientation to be part of your normal life. My interaction with other people hasn't changed either, sexual preference is really inconsequential.
[slightly OT] Am I the only one that gets offended by this? I don't prefer to be gay, it's just something that I am - given the choice, I wouldn't be. Being a preference implies that you have a choice, and you prefer one thing over the other. I prefer a cinnamon raisin bagel to a plain one. I can have either, and either will serve the intended purpose (having a delicious bagel....now I'm hungry for things I can't have.... ). As for sexual orientation, a woman will not serve the intended purpose for me, nor would a man serve the intended purpose for a straight guy.
You might have to "flaunt it" a bit. Right now, you're in the habit of keeping quiet about your sexuality. If you want to reach a comfortable middle ground of being open about it without being "in people's faces" about it, spending some time at the opposite end of the spectrum could be helpful. If you had a metal pole that was bent, would you hold it straight to try to get the bend out of it? No, you'd bend it in the opposite direction until it all evened out. Same principle could apply here. In terms of putting that into practice, I think the best thing you can do is not worry about whether you're being "in people's faces" about it. Once you've been out for a while and have practice at being open, you'll probably move naturally into a place where you're open about it but not "in people's faces" about it. As a side note, be wary of how you define, "being in people's faces." We live in a society that often accuses same-sex couples of "flaunting it" when they do things opposite-sex couples can do without making people bat a lash. Don't let yourself fall victim to imposing that standard on yourself.
Oh don't get too offended, I didn't even realize I used "preference". It's really the least of my worries. :lol:
Society has fucked us all up. being gay shouldn't be a problem in any matter, and queers should be just as proud of their orientation as straights are. I was born 1996 and I currently live in a world where being queer is a hard thing. I sometimes lose faith in myself and who I am, but please don't say that you would choose not to be gay. that's the same as saying, you choose to be another person. And if you want to go there, I would even say it would impact your life dramatically, and you never know what might've been different
Well, if you're gay, it's already a normal part of your life. It's likely, as you stated, society and the generalized other that is making you feel supressed, so just make a conscience decision to live and think for yourself without "filtering" yourself, thoughts or actions through what you think others may inappropriately judge you on. Hope that makes sense. I know exactly what you're referring to as I've been there myself. Coming out can almost be like growing up again--you have to really work at restructuring your thought process, unfortunately. It's not this way for everyone--I attribute it to the environment I was raised in, again, unfortunately.
