Hey everybody. I just joined this site today looking for some advice and support, so this is my first post. I think I might be a lesbian or bisexual, but I really don't know. I don't really know how to word this whole post because I have a million thoughts racing through my head, and I want to make sure you all get the whole story, so try to bear with me. The first time I ever remember thinking about the possibility that I liked girls was in Jr. High (I'm in college now.) I convinced myself that I just made that up in my head to make myself feel better about not having a boyfriend. (I wasn't very popular, especially with boys.) Of course the thoughts that I wasn't "normal" or straight never went away for very long which is why I don't think it was just a phase or something I made up. Throughout high school and my first year of college I would go in cycles convincing myself I liked girls, and then that I was making it up. This whole summer though, I've been thinking about it every day trying to sort it out. I guess I should explain some of the reasons of why I am not 100% positive. I have had a semi-serious relationship with a guy and I liked it. I think I might have just liked the fact that I was in a relationship more than I actually liked him. I have also had crushes on a couple of guys. Another reason is that I am not a tomboy in any way, which I know is just a stereotype, but I feel like if I WAS more of a tomboy it would help confirm my sexuality. Overall though, I have never felt especially attracted to guys. For example, my friends would show me a picture of a "hot" guy like girls do and be like, "Isn't he so hot?" When this would happen I would be able to tell if they were attractive or not, but not necessarily be sexually attracted to them if that makes sense. Another reason I am not sure is because most gay people I have heard of have known of their orientation since they were young kids, but I never even thought of it until jr. high, and never seriously considered it until recently. One reason that I DO think I'm a lesbian is because I have always connected better with girls. I've never had a lot of guy friends, and I've only had that one boyfriend. Also I do find women attractive, but what's confusing about that is don't know if I can just tell they're attractive or if I am actually attracted to them. I watched porn for the first time a few months ago and the "regular"/heterosexual stuff kind of freaked me out. Then, I watched lesbian porn and liked it a lot better. I have had two interesting dreams lately. One is that I am dating a guy and people keep telling me that I am lying and that I'm actually a lesbian, and then I get upset and deny it. The other is the complete opposite. It is that I am an out lesbian and people are saying that I am just doing it for attention and then I defend myself and say that I really am a lesbian. It's so confusing because I think dreams can tell you a lot about how you feel, but these two dreams are complete opposites. Which one is right? It has occurred to me that maybe I am bisexual, but honestly thinking of having sex with a guy freaks me out way more than with a girl. I am a virgin and I think it might be easier to know if I experimented with both sexes, but at the same time, I'm pretty shy and not into hooking up. And this complicates it further because what if I'm just scared of sex? This is a really confusing time for me. I just wish there was some kind of test that could tell me what I am lol. The biggest thing is that I know that if I was a lesbian, my family and friends would support me, so that's not what's scaring me. I think what scares me is that I am scared that since I am not 100% sure, I will come out too early and later realize that I actually am straight.
I'm sorry for asking, but are you female or male? It says male on your profile, so I wasn't sure. Don't have to answer if it makes you feel uncomfortable - just wondering for clarification. But, going off your post: It's possible that you're biromantic lesbian. That just means that you can be romantically attracted to both men and women, but you only get sexually attracted to women. A lot of people are like that, and it's perfectly fine. And, just because you hadn't started thinking about your orientation until junior high doesn't mean it's invalid. Look at the LGBT in later life section. There are plenty of people who have just come to terms with their sexuality. Some of them are married as well. There is no age limit (or minimum) for trying to figure out your sexuality. Also, there IS a test that can tell you, sorta, what you are. It's called the Kinsey Scale. Some people really hate it, but if it'd help you: Kinsey Scale Test Kinsey scale - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I'm female! I guess since I just made my profile it defaulted to male and I just hadn't changed it yet. I have never heard of biromantic lesbian before. I think you might be right though that sounds like it matches me well. I'll have to read a little more about it. I should know that there is no age limit, my uncle came out in his 30s. I guess I just think if I remembered feeling that way as a kid it would help me confirm. I took the test and I got equally heterosexual and homosexual. Thanks for for your post and help. It gives me a lot to think about!
You're welcome. I hope it all gets sorted out. I know how hectic it can be, but it'll come together eventually. :lol:
I'm a bisexual girl and i'm not a tomboy at all. I think that being bisexual is just another part of myself that i really cant deny. Just like the fact that I'm left handed- I could try to convince people that i was right handed, (or straight or lesbian or whatever else) but it just wouldnt be true and itd be kind of a waste of time since it isnt a big deal to me. Well it isnt a big deal to me now, at least. (I suck at metaphors but whatever, i tried) I remember when i first realized i was bisexual and i pretty much spent the next few hours curled up in a corner crying and saying "I'm not bi" because i was so terrified. The best advice i can give you id to come to terms with it by yourself before you really try to experiment. Try talking to people that are bi (there are plenty on here, including myself) and figure out how you feel. I wish you all the best and I really hope that no matter what you end up being that you're happy. if you ever need anyone to talk to just let me know.
