How do I deal with having no sexual identity?

If you identify with gay people and feel mainly gay then go with gay. Or if you really want to include the occasional opposite sex attraction then say you are gay with a couple of exceptions, the reason most people tell you not to label yourself is being most people stress about having to conform to a label but if giving yourself a label makes you feel better then there is no problem with doing that I don't think.

 

One of the things I did when I picked my label, to take the focus off me and just look at the label, is I asked myself which label would be the most fair of me to pick. It would be completely unfair of me to pick bi or straight and then try to get in a relationship with a boy; I'd know that we could not make each other happy and I would end up leaving him. I can only really be happy, and make my partner happy, if we're both gay women. So lesbian it is.

Since that's what labels are for anyway, other people trying to understand you better.

Another thing that might help, instead of "I don't want to be a lesbian", try really imagining what a straight life would be like. In as good a way as possible, but be realistic. What would your ideal guy look like? And then just do the same thing with another woman. What would your ideal woman look like? Anything else you can imagine would help. What would they smell like? Do for fun? Would they be athletic or cuddly? And in both these cases, imagine everyone in your life supports you in your relationship and choices 100%. If you have a girlfriend, she can come home with you to a big meal (like thanksgiving if you celebrate it) and feel totally welcome.

Well I hope some of that helped anyway.

 

The issues could go beyond sexuality, like someone else said, and these combined with your anxiety could make it difficult to imagining yourself in sexual situations. Could you remember what life was like before focusing on your orientation? It might sound counter-intuitive, but do you think you could maybe try to forget about the question altogether and live more how you might have then?

 

Are you seeing a therapist? If not I think you really should try. Lets talk about how to make that happen.

 

I'm so sorry that you're having such a difficult time with your sexuality. I also had a difficult time and it just about drove me insane, but reaching out to others like myself was helpful. My biggest issue was dealing with internalized homophobia/denial. For you, your issues seem to be brought on by severe anxiety, which I suffer from as well. So, I understand how hard it is trying not to worry about your sexuality, but you are not going to get anywhere by doing just that. Just allow yourself to feel what you are currently feeling and embrace those feelings. And whatever you do, do not deny your feelings as this can lead to more confusion.

If what you're feeling is false attraction towards men then I'm pretty sure you are gay. Are you afraid that once you label yourself as gay, you will discover that you really are attracted to men? If so, that's okay; I still find men attractive even though I'm gay. The more important question I asked myself was, would I ever be in a relationship with another man? My answer was probably not, but who knows what the future holds. I eventually learned that I had to let go of the things that I had no control over. And once I stopped worrying so much, everything else fell into place.

Can you picture yourself enjoying the company of a man or woman more?

 

A proven fact sex releases anxiety