1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How can I approach this butch girl?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by BiChick, Mar 13, 2018.

  1. BiChick

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2018
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Greece
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hello people! I'm new to this forum & totally glad that we share our worries with each other.
    Sorry in advance for my English.

    So, I'm a bisexul girl currently interested in a butch lesbian who is working as a bartender at the bar I'm having fun with my friends. First time I saw her, I immediately let her know that I'm into her through non-verbal communication (although I'm in the closet). Since then, we make prolonged eye contact and lock eyes, I catch her staring at me, looking for me in the crowd & eye fucking me. However, none of us has ever made a move. I'm quite hesitant to openly flirt with her since I don't know if she's out at her workplace. She keeps a low profile while working. I also fear that she's not that into me & I'll be rejected, coz if she was, she wouldn't have made a move all this time, wouldn't she? I need advice on how to approach her in a classy way at her workplace. Unfortunately, I haven't seen her anywhere else around the town in order to approach her. Thanks everyone :slight_smile:
     
  2. Quantumreality

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2016
    Messages:
    4,183
    Likes Received:
    282
    Location:
    Detroit, MI
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hello BiChick! Welcome to EC!:grinning:

    Why not simply invite her out for coffee or something? To a place in a comfortable environment where you can get to know her better. Then you can get a better feel for her potential attraction to you and maybe build up the courage to tell her directly that you're interested in her.

    hat can it hurt? Maybe she says no because she's already in a relationship. Maybe she says she's not interested in you in that way. Maybe she says she is interested in giving it a go. What do you have to lose? Worst case, you should be able to get some resolution for you crush on her...

    Just my thoughts....
     
  3. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    8,446
    Likes Received:
    2,276
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey, does she often serve you in the bar? If so maybe you could slip her your number whilst giving her the money for the drinks or something.
     
    Richard321 and BiChick like this.
  4. BiChick

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2018
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Greece
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thank you both for the advice. Unfortunately, we never had a proper conversation before. Both suggestions are great but wouldn't it be considered too forward to ask her out or give her my phone number based only on eye contact? Should I try having an interesting conversation first & then apply your beautiful ideas? Or compliment her? What would a butch like to hear in your opinion?
     
  5. Richard321

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2018
    Messages:
    600
    Likes Received:
    140
    Location:
    England, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Are you out to your friends you go to the bar with? If so you could make it that you are always the one who goes to the bar to order drinks... And if you are not out to your friends you could still do so... Then you'd get more frequent exchanges.
     
    Hyrule Wayfarer likes this.
  6. BiChick

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2018
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Greece
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hi Richard! I'm out to a couple of friends only. Everytime we go to there, we are sitting at the bar so everyone orders their own drink. I've tried a couple of times to make a silly joke, she just smiles & leaves. Then she starts the eye contest. And she is the one who initiates it. Other time, she went to the bathroom & I followed her just to have a chance to talk to her. When she came out, she immediately left without even washing her hands :grin: She was rushing coz there was the only barista at that time
     
  7. BiChick

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2018
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Greece
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    EDIT: Hi Richard! I'm out to a couple of friends only. Everytime we go to there, we are sitting at the bar so my friends order their own drink. I've tried a couple of times to make a silly joke, she just smiles & leaves. Then she starts the eye contest. And she is the one who initiates it.

    The other time, she went to the bathroom & I followed her just to have a chance to talk to her. When she came out, she immediately left without even washing her hands :grin: I doubt she even saw me.. She was rushing coz she was the only barista at that time & the people were screaming for drinks..

    I'm definitely shy as a person, I'm trying my best.. She doesn't help though..

    **Seems I can't find the Edit button so I post twice :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: **
     
    Richard321 likes this.
  8. resu

    Advisor Full Member Away

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2013
    Messages:
    4,581
    Likes Received:
    80
    Location:
    Oklahoma City
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Do you know her name or asked other people if they know she's lesbian? You could also just try to be friendly with her, like giving her compliments or talking to her while she makes your drink (i.e. ask her how her day was, what does she like to do outside the bar, etc.). I know it may seem forward, but giving your number would be the simplest way to show your interest. She probably has men approaching her, so why not a woman? Hopefully you would get a quick response and know if she's into you or not.
     
    Richard321 likes this.
  9. BiChick

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2018
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Greece
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hi resu, thanks for the advice! I'll definitely try it. I do know her name & that she's a lesbian. I doubt other men are approaching her :grin: They call her 'dude', 'hey man' and all these bro stuff :grin: She's the butchiest butch lez in the world :grin: Love her <3
     
    Richard321 likes this.
  10. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    8,446
    Likes Received:
    2,276
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Giving her your number might seem forward but once she has it it's up to her if she does anything with it. Chatting to her would also be ok but even if you started chatting more at some point you would have to ask her out.
     
    Richard321 likes this.
  11. Richard321

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2018
    Messages:
    600
    Likes Received:
    140
    Location:
    England, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Keep doing what you are doing. You are making the point. An it might hit home to her more as you keep doing it. She might be reserved too. And there is nothing wrong with being reserved.
     
  12. GayGurl13

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2018
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    New York
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am more on the masculine side myself, and even though I may seem a bit tough on the outside, if a cute girl came up to me and gave me a cute compliment, like not a basic compliment, a sweet one, I would just melt into a big puddle of mush. So you should give her a cute compliment and talk about what her favorite drink is, say you're feeling adventurous and to surprise you, with her favorite drink. That way you can talk to her and get to know what her favorite drink is, also you can compliment the drink, if she made it. After your conversation you could try winking at her as you're turning to go back to you're friends.
     
    BiChick likes this.
  13. BiChick

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2018
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Greece
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Wow GayGurl13 what an amazing piece of advice to a weird, reserved person like me :slight_smile: It sounds less forward and it's a more classy approach that I'll definitely try :slight_smile: :slight_smile: Thank you soooo much!
     
  14. Foxfeather

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2015
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    68
    Location:
    NYC
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Just be yourself and maybe when her coworkers aren't looking, signal with your hand for her to come talk to you privately and give her your number.
     
    BiChick likes this.
  15. Foxfeather

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2015
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    68
    Location:
    NYC
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Or get her a free drink
     
    BiChick likes this.
  16. BiChick

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2018
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Greece
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Today I realised she's in a relationship, that's why she doesn't make a move :frowning2: I'm so sad. Then why does she keep on staring at me? Why all this eye contact for? :frowning2:
    (All this was not in my head. Even my friends noticed it)...
     
  17. Anon1201

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2017
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    How did you find out she was in relationship?

    I went through something similar and it did feel like my heart was crushed but I had learned to accept it. It was important to accept it in my end cause I am friends with the woman I liked.

    I know sometimes some people just make a lot of eye contact but I felt the same because I wasn’t used to eye contact.
     
    Richard321 likes this.
  18. BiChick

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2018
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Greece
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    PDA
    I'm sorry for your heartbreak.. I can feel you <3
    I think it's time for me to move on.
     
    Richard321 likes this.
  19. Anon1201

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2017
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You’ll get through it. It was hard at the beginning but I just learned to accept it. Sometimes I feel like she feels the same but I can’t have my hopes up forever.

    It will take some time but you’ll meet that someone special. :slight_smile:
     
    Richard321 and BiChick like this.
  20. BiChick

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2018
    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Greece
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thanks, you are a sweetheart :slight_smile: