So I have been on hormones for almost two years now and had top surgery this summer. In nearly all ways, I go through society like any other guy. But something got me the other day and it’s still been bothering me. I always tell myself, “it’s not a big deal if people know you’re trans” and really try to believe it. I met my boyfriend’s family and his mom correctly assumed I was gay, but then followed up the question with “is he...?” Trans? Yeah. I want to pass as a gay man. I don’t want people to see me and immediately think “he’s trans.” I shouldn’t feel ashamed of being this way, but it’s a complicated part of my identity that a lot of people don’t get. I still get invasive questions about my genitals, even more so since I’ve had one surgery (the follow up is always - when will you get the final surgery?). I just feel that this thing with my boyfriend’s mom happens more than I realize. I go to thinking - how many people have looked at my face or body, my clothes or voice, and figured out I was trans. What gave it away? Will I ever pass as ‘completely’ male? And why, as an out and proud trans man, do I still feel shame over not passing as cis? Does anyone else feel this way?