Hi, My name is Jamey (you can call me that I guess) and I have a problem I don't think anyone has ever heard of. I fell in love with a gay boy this summer after coming out as a transsexual woman a year and a half ago. This boy made me realize that homosexuality is a possible route for me, but it's really killing me. I love gays, I love gay culture, I am very much attracted to gay sex and gay romance, and I have always had homosexual fantasies, though I always was ashamed and hated these fantasies because of my gender identity problems. Are there a lot of pre-op transsexuals who just do not see themselves going that way anymore that just become gay? I mean, I am struggling to find my identity as a gay person, but I hate saying "gay man." I'm not really a man, although the thing that makes me "male" is actually something I kind of like - sexually. I've pictured myself as a woman having straight sex and then I've pictured myself in gay sex and I definitely like the gay sex better. It turns me on more than the straight sex. Am I really a transsexual or am I just a feminine homosexual? I'd prefer not to have any gender at all. I'm not much of a man at all and I'm obviously not much of a woman. I've been through so much, I'm going to be 20 soon, and I really think a relationship would be very helpful towards giving me some happiness, a gay relationship...of course. My other question is "Are there homosexuals that have convinced themselves they were transsexuals?" How do they know they are homosexual and how do they know they are transsexual? Please if anyone has anything to comment on my situation please say something.
Hey Jamey! Welcome to the forums! Wow, thanks for making us (well, me, specifically) remember that LGBT stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and transgender and that we're all one community and we're here to support everyone... and when you say that you love gay boys and gay culture, well one, who doesn't??? But two, you ARE a part of the community and gay culture is as much yours as it is a gay male's or a lesbian's or a bisexual's! Being who you are doesn't mean that you're somehow "outside" the community! As per your situation, I can imagine your confusion is well-shared among the transgender community and I hope that other people can help shed more light on this than I can since I'm not a transexual. What I can say is this: When you ask how can you tell between transgender and homosexual I can tell you that as a gay man, I have never thought of being anything other than a man. You, on the other hand, don't think of yourself as (at least completely) male, nor as female... so do the David Bowie thing and go androgenous! It's HOTT! And when you say you picture yourself having "gay sex" what do you mean? I mean, I can picture myself having gay or straight sex... And when you say that you like being male for sexual purposes, do you mean you like having a penis for sexual stimulation and don't like/are unsure about the idea of having a vagina and clitoris? (When you use the technical terms it doesn't sound that strange to say...) B/c if that's what you're saying, NOBODY is going to tell you that you have to have gender reassignment... you can totally be transgender and think and act and appear and do things as a woman without actually going under that particular procedure... Anyway, I hope this helps! ~CK
