So my second cousin is gay and he lives in NYC. I now live an hour outside the city and was thinking of going down there this weekend to visit him. I don't know him that well b/c I didn't grow up living this close to him and his family. He's also about 32yrs old. I always enjoy talking to him when I do see him and we get along really well. He has been my role-model (doesn't know it though) for the past year or so in terms of having a long-lasting relationship and having the courage to come out to the entire family. It took my dad's side of the family a few years to fully accept his orientation, but everyone seems fine with it now, however its never really overtly talked about. Anyways, I was thinking I might finally talk to him about my orientation this weekend. I think its an ok idea, but every time we've talked we never talked about homosexuality and I don't know his feelings on discussing it. So, I guess I'm not sure if he would want to talk about my situation. Just seeing if anyone has any advice on how I might approach this. Who'd have thought coming out to an LGBT person could be so hard?! Thanks.
hmm. Maybe you could work in that part about him being a role model to you. And then maybe lead up to it that way? Cause if you say that he'll most likely ask why and then you could tell him. Just a thought.
I think it might be a good idea to see him. i know that it can be awkward talking to a close relative about such things, but he might be able to help you if you feel it may be time to come out. he might know if its safe to come out to your family or not, or maybe just offer advice. he might know about groups in the area that you can join or attend if you feel like you need support! and its only an hour away. use your resources! good luck w/e you choose!
Right, coming out to him is a good thing to do because if he knows you are gay, he may help you with his experienece as a gay man, and will support you too Sometimes it's really easy to start a conversation about homosexuality, just be silent then tell him, dont look at his face if you are nervous, im sure he dont mind hearing about you, because he is gay, and he is your cousin, and like you said, you guys get along pretty well, so it wont be that much uncomfortable for him or you i think
If it helps any, I have a first cousin (only 8 months younger than me) and we both "came out" about the same time - and it made us closer friends. We went through stuff together and already understood each other. I say follow your heart, go and talk with him - and see what happens. It's good to have someone around who understands you. btw-my cousin and I haven't spoken in some time as our interests and circles of friends simply shifted away from each other - but I know we could call each other at any time. That feels good. Still.
Thanks everyone for the advice. I emailed my cousin and told him I'd be in the city this weekend and that I'd like to meet up with he and his partner for lunch or dinner. I guess I'll decide when I get there how comfortable I feel with talking to him. I'm also not sure he's around right now, my grandmother told me he might still be on vacation Oh well, if not this weekend maybe another time.
That sounds like a GREAT idea! You're second cousin doesn't talk about it because he probably figures everyone else (i.e. the straight relatives) don't want to hear about it. Based on your experiences, wouldn't you think he'd be fine talking about it if someone else brought it up? And I'm sure he'd be more than happy to talk to you about your situation - just like we all are supportive of each other in here! I found it really helpful to have a 'real person' to talk to in addition to having this forum to express myself. Go for it!!!
When I first came out I met a guy named Nick who was 10 years younger than me (I was 27, he was 17) who was also just starting to come out. While we were coming out we were really close friends. We understood what each other was going through and helped and supported each other. In due course I met my partner and Nick moved to a larger city, and we had less contact. We did not have enough in common to sustain a long-term friendship, but that couple of years were extremely useful for both of us. We still see each other occasionally, but our lives have moved on in different direction.
If you are ready to tell him, you should. Considering he has been through this too, I am sure that he would be understanding and helpful.
i think telling him is a great idea. he has gone through alot of the things your going through, and you know he will accept you. so i think he would be great person to talk to.
