1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

hitting on / picking up straight guys

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by GoBabyGoGo, Nov 10, 2009.

  1. GoBabyGoGo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2007
    Messages:
    590
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    so my friend the other day told me that that everyones bisexual to an extent, its just wether you choose to recognise it or not.

    do you believe that is true?

    and so anyway, he said that hes been with quite a few guys who identify themselves as straight.

    He said that he goes to the pub and starts talking to a straight guy. Just as mates. He then buys them a drink or two and makes sure they are good and drunk. At this point, he says, they often hug you a lot and make lots of physical contact... (yes, most of my friends do that when drunk)

    he believes that this is when their guard is down and they are being truely themselves, not caring how others percieve them, or what they percieve is socially acceptable. its then that he hugs them back, flirts a little, but does not let on that he is gay, and then asks to go back to their place.

    he says that its easy to get any guy to, in the privacy of their own home, intimatly hug and body rub you. hes says most guys will accept a bj, and a few will actually give one.

    he even said once that while they were hugging, the guy was still raving on about hot girls...

    so my question: have any of you had an experience with a supossibly straight guy?

    ive heared some statistics that state 30% of guys who identify as straight have had a sexual experience with another guy. even just fooling around.

    and also: do you think what my friend does is right?? i mean, they consent to it and everything, and hug him back, but i cant help thinking its like hes taking advantage of them a bit because they are under the influence.

    what do you think?
     
  2. RaRa

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2008
    Messages:
    2,711
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I think why go through all that effort? Sober sex is great sex people!

    Ahem. Anyway. I do feel that your friend taking advantage of these guys while drunk is wrong, unless he's drunk himself, and in that case it's just one hot mess. I mean, sure, maybe he can get a BJ out of it, but then what? I mean most of the time once this guy sobers up all he's gonna have on his mind is girls. He's not gonna have a relationship with him or anything. I think a lot of the lonely gay guys out there are that way because so many gay guys go after the straight dudes. I'm including myself in this. It's time to fix that methinks. =)
     
  3. x2x2x2x2y2

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2009
    Messages:
    5,448
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wonderland (and California, USA)
    Gender:
    Male
    I don't think it's right, but it's not all your friends fault. I believe everyones responsible for their own body. For example awhile back I heard a story where a girl was at a party and got drunk and was raped by 24 guys. I do feel sad for her but very little. I think she shouldnt have gotten drunk in the first place, so I think most of the blame is on her but they rapists should take some blame too. Like I said, everyone is responsible for their own body, drunk or sober.
     
  4. Jack2009

    Jack2009 Guest

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,177
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    He's taking advantage
     
  5. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    23,464
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Do I believe everybody bisexual? Not really. At least, not enough for me to go mining for it. There's gold in gold mines, and gold in seawater. But trust me - you'll find a lot more in the mine. If you want to spend hours and days extracting the tiny amount of gold in seawater, hey, go nuts. But that's not the best way to go about it.

    My opinion is this. Most of us would like a relationship (with sex), or perhaps we'd just like the sex. Whichever it is, the best place to go looking for it is with other gays. Because we know they like what we like, and there's far too many of us sitting alone on Saturday nights to go bothering elsewhere. But some people - like your friend - get off on the hunt. They enjoy trying to find a "straight" guy willing to move a bit beyond the traditional boundaries. They enjoy getting off on the idea that they're so hot (or clever) that they can seduce a straight guy. But frankly, I don't see the point. Not only do I not want to work that hard, but I don't think the reward is that great. So I got some furtive sex from some nervous guy who doesn't ever want it known that I touched him. No thanks. I'd rather go to bed with a guy who actually WANTS to go to bed with me, and doesn't mind doing it again later. :slight_smile:

    Do I think your friend is taking advantage? Of course. But the guys he's giving BJs to are letting themselves be taken advantage of. He's not slipping pills in their drinks, or duct taping them to his bed. But instead of working on extracting gold from seawater, wouldn't it be easier to just find a gay guy? Or are they "no fun"? Not hot enough?

    Lex
     
    #5 Lexington, Nov 10, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2009
  6. Revan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2005
    Messages:
    15,163
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Windsor, Ontario
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Without sounding um... "sluttish", my friend who's been my friend since kindergarten still identifies himself as straight yet last week he came and had anal sex with me (me receiving), which we'd both kinda wanted to do ever since he was the first guy to GIVE me oral (and I mean last week he also swallowed my orgasm), yet he still says he's straight. I also unfortunately found out I was a bit of a homewrecker because turns out he not only has a girlfriend but that girl is about to give birth to my friend's kid. So....yeah, while I'm glad I finally got him inside me....I'm not really happy that he didn't tell me he was actually with someone with a kid on the way...

    Oh and he wasn't drunk, completely sober actually. I could only imagine what he'd do drunk....

    And then my best friend since ever's brother wants me to f**k him and take his virginity and yet he still identifies as straight. He said he could MAYBE be bi-curious but he's not like gonna have a relationship with a guy, and still plans to fuck girls. But I mean it's kinda a hot idea, but like if I do it, him and I have to be SUPER careful because we'd have to do it at his house and obviously that would mean finding a time when his whole family (parents, two brothers, and my best friend who's his only sister) are gone otherwise I'd probably lose their friendship....so it's kind of one of those really risky chances....
     
    #6 Revan, Nov 10, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2009
  7. Chip

    Staff Member Away

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    26,066
    Likes Received:
    160
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Kinsey says only 10% of the population is 100% straight. The rest are somewhere on the continuum. However, that said, I absolutely believe it is wrong and abusive to take advantage of someone who is drunk. Sex is something that should only happen with consent, and consent cannot occur if a person is drunk. If a guy is unwilling to be sexual with another guy when sober, that should be honored. Yes, it's possible he's closeted or questioning, but that's something he has to come to terms with.

    As to Revan's post, I would be inclined to think that both of your friends are somewhat bisexual, and possibly gay but not yet ready to face that. One of my good friends, who is completely gay, was going out with a girl and was sloppy and almost got her pregnant... but this was simply a function of being deeply in the closet and not ready to deal with what it meant to be gay. So it's possible that both of your friends are bi or even gay.

    And... I can't tell you how many people I know who loudly announced that they were "maybe bi curious" and would "never going to have a relationship with a guy" who subesequently, a few months later, came out as fully gay :slight_smile:
     
  8. Elven

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2009
    Messages:
    753
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I think that everyone ranges on the scale from straight to gay and may be willing to have a sexual experience but I personally think that to do it to someone who is drunk is harsh, taking advantage and almost as bad as drugging someone for sex, as they say "Those who sleep with dogs will rise with fleas"
     
    #8 Elven, Nov 10, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2009
  9. Silvermark

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2009
    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Southampton
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Probably not everyone is bisexual, but I bet more people are bisexual than they actually think.
    My one friend says he's straight yet he has made out with a few guys, both whilst sober and drunk, and been given head from my gay friend...

    I suppose some people just don't want to admit it at times, eh? The whole stress factor with keeping it a secret until you finally do want to tell people; all the emotional stress that comes with that... They'd rather just live in denial...
     
  10. littledinosaurs

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2008
    Messages:
    2,640
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nouvelle-Angleterre.
    No, I do not believe it for a second.

    Yes, this is true, but sexual behaviour and experiences are not the same as identity, hence I don't think that everyone is a little bisexual. I think that someone's sexual identity is more important than their behaviour and you shouldn't really try to judge someone's identity based on their behaviour. In the end it's their choice how they're gonna lead their life, whether you think they're gay/bi/straight.


    PS: taking advantage of drunk people is wrong, and by law if you are drunk you cannot consent to sex (well at least that is true in Massachusetts)
     
    #10 littledinosaurs, Nov 10, 2009
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2009
  11. GoBabyGoGo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2007
    Messages:
    590
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    well, unfortunatly, they are a highly endangered speicies in my area. I live in an isolated country area, and seriously, there are very very few 'out' gays. So possibly thats why my friend likes to have these 'experiences', even though he realises that they are rather meaningless and a relationship would be infinitely more fulfilling.
     
  12. tylerzane69

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2008
    Messages:
    353
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sault Ste Marie, MI
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    i think that everyone is in the grey area of the scale, most guys wont admit that at all, but i have had my fair share of str8 guys, most of them sober a few were drunk but then came back when they were sober for more, so i think most men are just horny and if they get their rocks off they dont care, and im not sure if i think its wrong or not about what your friend is doing, both guys are drinking and having a good time, and when your drunk your inhibitions do go down and more is likely to happen, and your friend going into this knowing what he is trying to accomplish is kinda creepy to me, but as long as he doesnt do anything the other person doesnt want to do, i really see no harm in it

    (*hug*):dry::rolleyes:
     
  13. Jose Carioca

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2009
    Messages:
    352
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Diego
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Even though in actuality more people may be "bi", the best way to go about it is to trust someone if they tell you their strait.
     
  14. Starburst

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2008
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indianapolis, IN, USA & Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    A few people
    LOL. When I was smaller, I used to wish I would have a special power that functions in a Medusa gaze-like fashion. LOL. I thought it would be great if I can look at some guys in the eyes and turn on their "inner gayness." LOL. Well, I don't know if it could make my life better, but I am sure my world could always use a little more fun. Haha.
     
  15. shimmersky

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2009
    Messages:
    214
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas & Oklahoma
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I'm sorry, I know this post is a little off-topic, but I am extremely upset by this and I feel the intense need to address it:

    This is the kind of mentality that makes victims of sexual assault and rape afraid to report the attack. Please read this:

    -from http://www.wisegeek.com/is-date-rape-the-victims-fault.htm


    Please, before you say things like that, think about the effect it might have on victims. Victims often already feel intense guilt and shame about their abuse, and saying things like that just makes it worse. :icon_sad:
     
  16. RaeofLite

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2009
    Messages:
    3,707
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada
    Rofl... change that to girls(for my situation), apply it to me too, and let's go pubbin and clubbing! :slight_smile:

    Nah... *sigh* I realize some people are straight. Some are curious though. *wink* Sexuality's spectrum is colourful though.
     
  17. Camman3

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2009
    Messages:
    419
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    South Africa, Cape Town
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    It's probably a slightly different outlook at this situation, but...

    I don't think it's wrong - he's not manipulating them in a bad way.

    If they consent to it, even slightly drunk, then it shows they harbour a secret desire for it anyway. Without society's constraints, they just be whoever they really are. I'm sure 99% of them end up enjoying it. They wouldn't do it if they weren't comfortable with their sexuality (knowing they are straight, but just want fun) or if they actually are unsure if they are gay/bi/curious/ somewhere inbetween, but not straight... so it's not a terrible, terrible thing.

    I even came across a web page once giving guys tips (gay guys) how to get straight guys into bed with them (but not in a sinister way - just in a similar way)... this isn't the first time I've heard of this, so I'm more open minded to it I guess.