*A little back ground: I'm 2 years older than most people in my grade, so when I'm in 9th grade i'll be 16, I also have a speech impediment that hinders me to correctly pronounce R's, but i've been going to speech therapy and that's improved (I have been bullied for that) and live in rural south michigan* I'm starting High School this year and i just feel... a little empty (No pun intended). Let's start off how far out of the closet i am I am mainly out of the closet, the only people i haven't told that I'm gay is my family, but mostly everyone in school knows. I am also a bit flamboyantly (a bit of a high pitch voice, love Broadway & Disney musical's, nice fashion style, ect) But this is where my trouble begins. I just feel a little... i dont know, depressed? I never really had any close bonds to my friends, Never invited to any parties or to go anywhere, so im starting to question if they where friends anyway. Most people have been VERY accepting, however a lot of people throw stereotype after stereotype at me. And i'm fine with my close friend's doing it ever so often, but it just becomes old after a while. I just feel like i wanna FAST FOWARD high school and go to University, i just feel so ready, i dont want to wait 4 more years and 2 months. I just dont feel interested anymore in high school, i want to make actual connections with people.
Hello Derrit! Welcome to EC! Growing up in rural Michigan can be difficult for anyone who doesn't necessarily fit in with everyone else. Have you looked into possibilities for early graduation from High School? Things like taking summer classes in addition to the regular school year? Also, to socialize and 'fit in' more, perhaps you could look into joining a group or two of interest to you at your High School. Does your high school have a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA)?
High school can be shitty, yes. University will presumably be a lot better, yes. But those changed circumstances won't be a panacea. You're still going to have valuable formative experiences in those coming four years and two months, some decidedly unpleasant and others which will be surprisingly fulfilling. And all of them will be necessary for that positive future you're looking forward to, to come about. The least useful thing you can do is to consider these coming years as a write-off. People will get to know you better and in more depth than they do now and you will have to go above and beyond at times to make those connections more bearable, more genuine and more personal. You will have plenty of opportunity for self-fulfilment, by pushing yourself academically, artistically or in whatever pursuits you might have even where you do feel you don't have great friends or connection with classmates. Also be mindful that there will be plenty of personal development completely separate from your sexuality to go through, in forming friendships and relationships with people like teachers. I imagine a few of your problems are of a general nature (eg. friendships feeling shallow at your age), some of a regional nature (not having that much to do and a small community) and some personal (who do you want to be?). They'll be issues to grapple with independently of sexuality and things that you can't fast forward your way out of. Treating the coming years as something to apathetically bear is likely to make the experience worse. A deliberate listlessness and willed apathy are not things to willingly resign yourself to, especially not for four years. Unpleasant though it may be, an attitude of gritted teeth and determination is much more useful.
As for the stereotypes go: No offense but they probably throw stereotypes at you because you hold some of those stereotypes yourself, such as the ones you listed. There isn't anything wrong with possessing stereotypical attributions, so you could either begin to embrace them as they probably do them because they make you squirm, or you could challenge some of their notions. Try out some of the more un-stereotypical activities, clubs, events and interests. As for making friends: I think the best way to make new friends or create more meaningful friendships is my getting yourself involved. My freshman year of high school I joined two different clubs. The first one was a Filming Club and the other one was the Soccer Team. I made more friends in the filming club because they were pretty much down to earth, diverse and not looking to compete. I made some friends in the soccer team but they weren't as open (presumably because they were all straight guys who didn't know how to be open with each other). Look for platforms in and out of school that are youth related, get involved, and invite people out to do things. There isn't anything wrong with being the one to make the first attempt, people will eventually reciprocate it. Best Wishes Buddy!
