Hello. My name is Kris, I live in Estonia and I am 49 years old. At the age 16 I realized that I am probably gay and a year later I accepted it. At university I met a man and we started a relationship, but Estonia is a very conservative country, we hid it. We was in that relationship almost 4 months, but then we was really close to to get caught and I ended the relationship. To hide my true self I started dating women and everyone knew me as a ladies' man. I am currently married to a woman who is 12 years younger than me and I still hiding my homosexuality. The reality is that I'm tired of this hiding and lying and I'm thinking more and more about coming out. I know I'll lose at least 90% of my friends if I come out because being gay is absolutely abnormal here in Estonia, but I want to live without lies and maybe I'll find my mr. Right to go on and enjoy life with. Now I don't know what to do. There are two possibilities. Either to continue living like right now lying and hiding or come out of the closet, lose friends, but have the opportunity to live honestly as who I really am. And maybe find a man next to me. What should I do?
Kris1974.....Hello and a big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent! ) when that becomes necessary! This is a safe community of loving, caring and very supportive people and we will do our best to help you blend into the community. *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out, join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBTQ folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. *****In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "LGBT Later in LIfe”, there are people there who may have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. *****What you are facing is so similar to many of us here on Empty Closets. Our society punishes us for being who we really are and forces us to be someone who we aren't. If you have any way to be able to talk to a therapist about this...I think that would help. I know that talking to a therapist was one of the best things that I ever did. If there is any kind of a LGBTQ support organization near you, they may be able to tell you of therapists and sources of help near you. Also...one of our staff members - @Rayland is also from Estonia. He may be able to give you some guidance if you contact him. Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message. …..David
Hello and welcome to the EC! If you need any support, then don't hesitate to send me a PM. Regular members can send PM's to staff. Hope you find here what you need.
Welcome to EC. Your question is a very complex one and has a lot of factors. I don't think you should limit yourself to only 2 options and be open to other possibilities that may present themselves to you in due time. Also are you happy with your current marriage and love your wife. Or did you just get married because that is what was expected of you?
