Hi everyone! So this is a little bit off topic from the website purpose, but I feel like I get good help here so I came to ask for some advice. I have recently started going out with someone who we will call X. X is nonbinary and we actually were friends at first, pretty much until I convinced him (he does "they" or male pronouns) not to kill himself. We got together that afternoon, but recently I've been wondering:how do I help them before/after they cut? They have really bad cutting problems, and I don't really know what to do since I'm not old enough to drive yet and can't get to their house. Any advice on what to tell them or do? Thanks!
This thread might be better suited to the support area, but for what it's worth, I think the best thing you can do is support them and be a light in the dark, because having something good often helps to balance out the bad, and you've certainly seemed to do this for them before. Let them know that you're there for them, and don't use the "you hurting yourself hurts me" line, because that's only going to make them feel worse. You can also encourage them to seek help, of course. Other than that, I don't know what to say. The only knowledge I have on this is my own experience.
I self harm and have for half my life, off and on. Its a coping mechanism for something deeper, so you merely trying to stop your partner's self harm isn't going to do anything. If your partner can't get through this on his own then professional help is a needed, but its not impossible to get through it on your own. Some stuff to not do though. Do not make your partner promise to stop. Do not make them promise to do anything, really, that just adds pressure. Don't take their blades from them either - they'll just find something else to use that they aren't used to that might be even more dangerous. Don't be invasive and ask to see the cuts/scars. Let him know you're there and that you care about him and that he can talk to you. Sometimes with me what helped was just going over to a friend's dorm and hanging out - not even talking about whatever was bugging me, just hanging out for a bit.
Thank you guys--I think this will help. Ill make sure to think about the thing with not making them promise anything and that adding pressure: I hadn't really thought about it that way.
