Help...

Hi mouthofmadness! I would suggest starting with small steps. I'm in a very similar situation right now. Try using some makeup or nail polish just at home around the house, and see how you like that, or if you don't have the money for stuff like that, just try borrowing it from a friend. I hope that those things can make you feel more secure with yourself, and make you feel more like who you really are. Good luck, and best wishes girlfriend!
♥️

 

When I get stressed about feeling like being transgender is too hard, I tell myself, "I am a woman, and my name is [Elisten]." Just those words brings a sense of peace and a smile to my face. Come what may, I know who I am.

 

I felt I was in your shoes about a year or two ago, and that's why I started regularly coming on here. It really boosted my confidence to connect with others and realize just how many people felt similarly to me and had advice on how to get through these feelings. As much as connecting with others and not being lonely is important to your self confidence though, it also takes learning how to be at peace with yourself when you're alone. I agree, learning self-care is important, make it apart of your regular routines to do things that make you feel more connected to yourself and who you really are, such as complimenting yourself, reading about self help and self care activities, expressing yourself with fashion or makeup or artwork or admiring others' artwork, even if just for a very short time in the privacy of your own room. Blocking out your feelings forever will only lead you to feel more spite towards them every time they come up, and they'll become harder to repress. But give yourself a tiny amount of time every day to be at peace with and accept these feelings, even for just an hour, and you'll slowly find that letting them out in tiny controlled bits might even make it easier to cope with when you do have to hide them away, because you'll have the energy and security to and won't constantly be exhausted and fighting yourself.