I need help! I'm going out with a guy at the end of the week, i really like him but i don't know what to do about telling him im transgender. Even if the date doesn't work out we will probably end up staying friends anyway and i want to be honest with him especially in case it does go well i don't want to drop a bomb on him if he decides he would like to be with me, that wouldn't be fair on him. He's bi so i know he's fine with LGB stuff he's got a rainbow flag tattoo, has gone to pride parades and has friends who are LGB but i have no idea what he thinks about the T or if he would even be friends with one never mind dating! My family joke that he likes me cause i look like both but I've no idea if he suspects anything. I'm so nervous i haven't eaten properly in days and have lost five pounds because of my nerves, i can't sleep or relax im so worried. I don't know how to tell him. i can't tell him face to face i could barely get any words out when he asked me out, i still have a hard time talking about transgender stuff even with family. We've been texting the past few days I've been thinking of telling him that way but how do i even say it? What do I do?
I'd go on a date or two first, but definitely tell him before it gets too heated. Keep in mind that you could go on a date or two and decide that this is something you prefer not to pursue further and you being transgendered would not really come into play. Or if you feel like it may go somewhere then tell him before it gets to the point of being to big of a shock if he isn't expecting it. I have a question though and I'm not sure exactly how to ask. The part that confuses me here is that your post says you are transgender and I would leave it there, but your profile says "androge" I have never seen anyone identify as such and was curious if this is the gender you identify as or if it's because you are in transition and kinda feel that way at the moment? The reason for that question is because I am wondering if he identifies you as the same gender you identity yourself as. Even though you said he is bi it could be extra awkward if he identifies you as female and you identify yourself as male (or the opposite).
I put androge as my gender on here because I'm not sure if i qualify as ftm because I'm not sure how far im going with transition, id probably be happy with just top surgery because i look male enough already and there are changes on T id rather not have so i don't know if androgyn or ftm fit better to discribe me. i do ID as male but im constantly trying to make myself live as i am because i really don't want to be transgender even though i know weather i have surgery or not doesn't change that. I'm still trying to accept it but i keep going backwards when it gets hard to deal with i try to tell myself im not transgender but that just makes it worse. This is something that effects my life to the point where i have no life because i avoid everything out of fear someone will find out. I feel like i need to tell him otherwise it will be the only thing on my mind while im with him.
Well I think you have kinda reasoned yourself into telling him before a couple dates. How about in the car after whoever picks whoever up? The classic I need to tell you something before this goes too far and I hurt you?
I don't want to tell him in person because any time I've talked about it with family or doctors i end up crying, i hate talking about it and i definitely don't want to get upset in front of him. I don't know how to bring it up or how do i word it so that it doesn't sound so bad?
Well maybe an email/text that goes something like: Hey this is Alex, There is something I really feel you need to know about me before we go out...... ... I'm not sure if this is something you realized about me but I had to make sure you knew. I know there is more elegant language to say it than I am capable of but you get the idea. As far as making it "not sound so bad" I wrote a coming out letter to my mom about a month ago and I finally realized while I was writing it, that no matter how the person receiving it takes it, the truth about me is the truth about me and there is nothing wrong with me being the way I am. This is what you are doing writing a letter saying who you are. If he cannot accept it then it is his problem. You are an individual and are just fine the way you are and there is nothing you can do to change how good/bad he takes the news of you telling him. The biggest positive is (i believe from your language in the previous post) that you have had experience coming out to people you care about and now maybe you have a bit of confidence to do it again . I hope things go well for you. (*hug*)
