Okay, so I came out to all of my friends and girlfriend about being a FtM Transgendered, buht none of my family know, well, because I'm afraid what they'll say. The big issue is my mom, she's very, uhh, strict and she doesn't really accept stuff well. I told her once that I was Bi-sexual, and all she said was, "You're just confused and there is a good man out there for you." She tried to convert me back. She is also somewhat homophobic. I even tried once to hint to her that I am Trans, buht she would say, "You're my lovely daughter, not a boy. Understand that" I'ma afraid that she'll kick me out because she's really the only family I have because my dad, uhh, is out of the picture. I'm afraid she'll hate me. Buht, I've felt this way since before I could remember. I don't know what to say or how to talk about it with her or anything. I need some support and advice on how to come out to my mom without very much, drama and yelling. Thanks, Jake.♥
This might not be a popular view and this is just my opinion but I don't think you should come out to your mom right now. I think that safety should come first and if there's a risk that she's going to kick you out over this then I think you should keep it to yourself for now. If I were you, I wouldn't come out until I'm financially independent and had my own place. Others may disagree but if you could end up homeless and you have no other family, I don't think it is worth the risk
Hey Jake! :smilewave Well first off, congrats on coming out to your friends! That's great! :eusa_clap About your mom.... Some parents change their views when they find out this is how their child is, whether they instantly support you, or it takes years for them to accept it. I can't say that being disowned is definitely not going to happen, but most likely, if your mom loves you, she'll try to deal with it. Don't force the subject on her, or get at all angry. She could react angry/upset, and you have to be the one staying calm. After all, you've already accepted it. But don't just agree with her if she says, "It's a phase" or "You don't know who you are". Because that's obviously untrue, and you don't want her to get the wrong message. Make sure she knows that you're not changing, and this is what makes you happy. All parents want their kids to be happy, and I'm sure this is no exception. If she's so strict, she may not be okay with it at first, or even believe you at first, give her time to think about it/hopefully accept it after you tell her. But it definitely is worth it, you should always be able to be who you are, no matter who you're around. Good luck! But, I also don't know you're age. If you're young (around my age), it may be best to wait, depending on how strict she is. But if you're 18, and going to move out, or you're even older and can get your own place, then it's a chance worth taking.
I'm 16, and to castlewalls, thanks. That is some pretty good advice and I might wait until I'm just old enough to support myself, but the down side is that I don't want to have to hide my true self around my mom. I wanna be open about the whole thing, but, her actions are sometimes, unpredictable. Thanks both of you! ~Jake.♥
It's common for people coming out as trans to write letters. This allows you to say everything you need to say without getting interrupted or losing your words if you get emotional. It's also courteous to the person you're coming out to because it allows them to have their own reaction and processing time without worrying about responding to you immediately. With your letter I recommend including some outside educational resources for your mother to read over. Just basic things that will let her know that this is not something that you are making up and that she is not alone as a parent of a trans teenager. If you can find someone for her to talk to (a parent of a trans friend, a PFLAG parent, etc), that would help a lot. Most negative reactions are rooted in fear, ignorance, and feeling alone. Anything that you can do to help alleviate these things will make both you and your mother feel better. Like others were saying, you also need to consider your safety. If it's at all possible that she will kick you out, even temporarily while she has time to think things over, make arrangements with a trusted friend or relative. You may even decide of your own accord that you need a day or two away from home while dealing with your own emotions of coming out. Staying with a friend not only gives you space, but it also gives you someone to talk to who is unquestionably on your side. Hope this helps some...good luck!
