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Help, I kinda came out as maybe trans? But not all the way?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Kheenta, Nov 26, 2018.

  1. Kheenta

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    For those of you that don't know me, I'm currently gender-questioning and I've been struggling because I can't really tell anyone despite the fact I'm very not straight and I came out pretty easily to my friends. So I was thinking, "Why should this be different?" I was wrong
    It's hard

    Well, today I made progress. I actually pulled my trans friend aside during passing period after lunch and told him. I had tried before but failed to find the words. I quickly left before I had to deal with awkward questions. Well, my exact words were, "Hey, um, so... I think I might be trans? Kay bye."
    If any of you can offer your advise to actually coming out to friends about this or just dealing with this whole tangle that is figuring out what gender you are.
     
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  2. Aberrance

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    Coming out when you're trans is 100% different to coming out as gay. It's different for everyone but while I was questioning, for about 2 years, I only came out to about 2 people irl. One was a trans person and one was a friend I knew would have no grievances whatsoever. Gender questioning is a very personal thing and I think the more people you come out to as questioning, the more forced you feel to hurry up and figure yourself out. Which can be extremely difficult and potentially cause some people to make the wrong decision about transitioning.

    Please don't equate progress with coming out to as many people as you can. At some point that definitely is progress but at the stage you're at maybe focus on what makes you comfortable, hoe you feel, how you want to live your life. Working all that out is progress.
     
  3. Kheenta

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    I thank you for your response. I know that out status isn't the same as progress, but it's hard go through something like this alone. I also think that I wasn't too specific about what I meant so I'll address a couple things here.
    I've only told as 1 person at this point and I'm slowly getting more comfortable with talking about it. My trans friend was really understanding when I came out as questioning, I guess it lightened the load. I suppose my real question was how to become more comfortable talking about it.
     
  4. Brandy Bee

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    It sounds like your trans friend is a good friend to have for you to discuss your own feelings and status.
    As has been mentioned, don't feel like you owe it to anyone to label your identity in any way at all. It's not like you're joining a sports team or a club, this is your own personal identity, which is tricky enough during adolescence for everybody, all the more so when you have the questions and feelings you describe here.
    Take your time. No rush to do anything. I'm sure your friend still has their own worries and stuff they wish they had a great friend who they could trust to be there.
    Be that friend, I'll bet you receive the same friendship rewarded in kind.
     
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  5. Kheenta

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    So, I know I shouldn't be quick to try and get it over with but this is just so frustrating to me. It just seems like whenever I'm not focused I just start thinking about this. It brings me a lot of anxiety.
    I've been trying to talk about this with my friend and I just kinda choke up. I know I've made progress but I guess I feel like it's not enough. My ego doesn't give me a break these days anymore.
    Update, I've just started to talk with a fellow gender-questioning person about their situation so I decided to pass out thank you notes for my birthday and brought them a disguised note stating my situation. I hope that they can read my writing and that we can both start talking about this.
     
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  6. Mihael

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    social support is always good *thumbs up*
    good luck!
     
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