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Hello community

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by MantisRay, Sep 15, 2020 at 8:04 PM.

  1. MantisRay

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Tuesday
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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hello,

    I'm a 28 year old gay male. I've been in denial for most of my teenage years and then convinced myself that I didn't need sexuality in my life somehow. I finally came out to my sister when I graduated college at age 22, who I knew would be supportive and she was. I still haven't come out to my parents because my mom is very homophobic and still cannot imagine coming out to them.

    In my early 20s, I convinced myself that I just needed friends, I didn't need sex and I didn't need relationships, but over the years, friends drift away, they move on with their lives, move away, some have gotten married and moved on to new stages of their life, and I'm left mostly alone. I've never dated anyone. I couldn't date any girls because I couldn't stand hurting someone that way, knowing that it would be a lie, and I couldn't date men because I couldn't fully accept my sexuality.

    Once I hit 27, I started having fears about how the rest of my life will turn out and I started seriously contemplating embracing my sexuality. However this is difficult because I am an introvert and generally don't like going out to social events unless it is with people I knew. And because I avoided dating and relationships my whole life, I feel like I've missed a lot of opportunities to learn how to navigate that part of life, and missed the time to do so (when I was still in school and had more opportunities to meet people).

    Earlier this year, I finally came out to some of my closest friends, and they were pretty supportive, joking about how it makes so much sense now because whenever we played games or watched shows, I was always more into the manly characters instead of the hot chicks and one of them came out to me as gay as well (I knew he was either gay or asexual). It was a interesting experience, although it wasn't as much of a weight off my shoulders as I had hoped. I had thought that might be a turning point in my life, but then coronavirus happened, which made it difficult to do anything.

    This is the first time I've shared my experience so openly (albeit anonymously), and even if no one reads this I feel a little better just having written and posted it. I've read some of the posts on here and I haven't really found people who have had very similar experiences, it feels like by my age most people have already figured out their sexuality or have experimented with their sexuality, and I feel a little ashamed for completely shutting out that part of me. I hope I can embrace my sexuality moving forward and start living my life to the fullest.

    Thanks.
     
  2. LostInDaydreams

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi and welcome to EC. :slight_smile:

    It’s not uncommon to realise or embrace your sexuality (relatively) later in life. If you visit the Later in Life sub forum, you will find people in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, etc. going through the coming out process.

    It’s great that your sister and friends have responded positively. Congratulations on coming out to them. I hope that you’ll find further support here.