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Hello community

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by MantisRay, Sep 15, 2020.

  1. MantisRay

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    Hello,

    I'm a 28 year old gay male. I've been in denial for most of my teenage years and then convinced myself that I didn't need sexuality in my life somehow. I finally came out to my sister when I graduated college at age 22, who I knew would be supportive and she was. I still haven't come out to my parents because my mom is very homophobic and still cannot imagine coming out to them.

    In my early 20s, I convinced myself that I just needed friends, I didn't need sex and I didn't need relationships, but over the years, friends drift away, they move on with their lives, move away, some have gotten married and moved on to new stages of their life, and I'm left mostly alone. I've never dated anyone. I couldn't date any girls because I couldn't stand hurting someone that way, knowing that it would be a lie, and I couldn't date men because I couldn't fully accept my sexuality.

    Once I hit 27, I started having fears about how the rest of my life will turn out and I started seriously contemplating embracing my sexuality. However this is difficult because I am an introvert and generally don't like going out to social events unless it is with people I knew. And because I avoided dating and relationships my whole life, I feel like I've missed a lot of opportunities to learn how to navigate that part of life, and missed the time to do so (when I was still in school and had more opportunities to meet people).

    Earlier this year, I finally came out to some of my closest friends, and they were pretty supportive, joking about how it makes so much sense now because whenever we played games or watched shows, I was always more into the manly characters instead of the hot chicks and one of them came out to me as gay as well (I knew he was either gay or asexual). It was a interesting experience, although it wasn't as much of a weight off my shoulders as I had hoped. I had thought that might be a turning point in my life, but then coronavirus happened, which made it difficult to do anything.

    This is the first time I've shared my experience so openly (albeit anonymously), and even if no one reads this I feel a little better just having written and posted it. I've read some of the posts on here and I haven't really found people who have had very similar experiences, it feels like by my age most people have already figured out their sexuality or have experimented with their sexuality, and I feel a little ashamed for completely shutting out that part of me. I hope I can embrace my sexuality moving forward and start living my life to the fullest.

    Thanks.
     
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    Hi and welcome to EC. :slight_smile:

    It’s not uncommon to realise or embrace your sexuality (relatively) later in life. If you visit the Later in Life sub forum, you will find people in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, etc. going through the coming out process.

    It’s great that your sister and friends have responded positively. Congratulations on coming out to them. I hope that you’ll find further support here.
     
  3. Hemant

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    Hi Mantis!!
    I can relate to most that you have written here. Your lack of social development is very similar to mine and see i am struggling even at 42.
    You stand fairly at better chances at this age of yours .Outcomes to me have been very harsh though and i do not wish to happen like that to others. My advice to you is since you feel your sexual orientation as gay, go with it, go out in gay relationships, experience things and find out what sprouts in you keeping aside your denial of gay orientation. Then you weigh both aspects of yourself - gay and straight one, and decide for yourself. You may also find yourself in mixture of both in varied proprtions. Sexual orientation of an individual is unique to oneself. It can take a long time for someone to find it, convincing himself in it, settling in it and finally coming out. A part of it has already been started in you. And I am quite sure your thirties would be blossoming time in your life.
    Exactly the same has happened to me but with an addon that at 34 I was forced to go into marriage that had very drastic results in my life. So for you things are still nascent. EC is a great place to kill your loneliness. It is killing mine too. Plus now you have your friends to whom you are open. I feel this is the most healthy thing that has happened in your life lately. EC has many great advisors as members who can help in a thorough manner. I am just a regular member infact a new one. You may contact them in Ask the Staff section or can send a private message to any one of them.
    In case you further need to contact me feel free to do so.
    Exactly the same thing I am dealing with but with a difference that I tried a lot but couldn't succeed.
    So friend you are not a loss but at the beginning. Start your journey. We all are here with each other.
    Good luck. Take care.
    Hemant.
     
  4. Hemant

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    Mantis,
    I feel that we should be in frequent contact with each other here at EC if you also feel the same. Can mutually be helpful to one another.
     
  5. MantisRay

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    Hi Hemant, thank you for the kind words, it is reassuring to know that I am not alone in my experience.

    While I still have a lot of insecurities about confronting my fears and embracing my sexuality, I'm happy with the baby steps I've taken so far. I am sorry to hear that you have had a harsh experience and was forced into an unwanted marriage. I hope you are able to find comfort in this forum and find strength as well. Definitely open to staying in touch on this forum.
     
  6. Hemant

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    Feel free to be in touch and knowing eachother's well being. Just a good morning or hello. Energies do work.