Hi! I'm Tabitha, I'm actually really scared right now, to be posting anything, so my apologies if it seems to go on forever! I have no idea what I'm doing, and I don't have any friend's because of anxiety issues, so I came here. So, I just joined this forum, today, pretty much in the last five minutes, and I feel really sick to my stomach because well I've never addressed sexuality or gender, or anything. I've pretty much ignored it my whole life, it just never really mattered to me. That and in all twenty years of being alive I've never really had a relationship where gender/sexuality was relevant? I've had one relationship, but it was more like close friends hanging out. Ah, I'm rambling, but still, it's never really come up. And now I've found myself more and more attracted towards girls, and I've not really ever felt like one gender or another, just like I'm nothing, it doesn't matter to me what gender someone calls me, and I'm just really really confused about everything. And I've been told that you can't really understand what you're attracted to, well that's the wrong way to put it, I guess more what you want to fall in love with emotionally, until you've been with someone(s). And well, I guess it's more I don't know what to do with myself, and I was hoping maybe someone had experienced something similar or could help. Thanks for taking the time to read this, I'm not sure writing it out makes me feel any better, but it's good to have it out there. This kind of falls under both prefixes but I had to pick one, so.
You could be genderqueer, or maybe agender. You don't necessarily have to associate with one gender or the other. I don't view myself as a male or a female, and it seems like you view yourself the same way. There's not much you can do about both your gender identity and sexuality other than doing what you feel comfortable with. For example, even if you feel attracted towards girls, it doesn't mean to go out and start dating them immediately. Only do things you feel comfortable with.
Hello Tabitha. ^_^ It sounds to me like you are agendered or "gender neutral". The problem that many of us face is that society wishes to label and put everything into a certain box based upon our outside physical appearance. The confusion you are feeling is that you think you have to meet some sort of standard/label to match your outside physical appearance to be happy. If you are neither female or male then you are not restricted by any of the boundaries associated with those terms. You don't have be something like a butch or femme just because your body looks female. Let go of your assumptions of gender roles and simply be you. As for your sexuality; that also has no real clear-cut answer. However, it is important to remember that your gender has no bearing on your sexuality. We are all comprised of 3 different things; gender identity (what gender you identify with), gender expression (how you dress), and sexual preference. If you are agendered then gender expression could be male, female, a mixture of both, or simply androgynous. Same thing with sexuality. You can date men, women, agendered, and anything in-between that you feel attracted to. The answers to your confusion are deep inside of you. My advice is to ignore what society has taught you up to this point about how you should act or feel and simply do what makes you happy. If that means dating women you are attracted to then go for it.
Hi I can totally relate to what your saying. I also ignored my sexuality/gender until about a year ago. I'm still trying to figure it all out. One day ill say, yes I'm ftm, then another ill say I'm just genderqueer or androgynous. And sexuality, omg, it seems like ill never figure that out, but I think that you just have to let go of labels and just be happy in the moment. Whether thats as a girl, a guy or neither. It doesn't matter. When i started questioning I felt like I had to know exactly what I wanted and who I was immediately, but I realized that you don't.
Aha, wow, actually having people understand is kind of amazing. I didn't think it would help how I felt, but it's actually quite liberating, so thanks both of you for replying, I know everything won't be solved overnight but maybe I won't feel so terribly about it ---------- Post added 26th Apr 2013 at 10:15 PM ---------- Ahh thank you, I guess I just have to find a way to realize that it isn't that important myself. It's weird, because up until recently I really didn't care, and now all of a sudden I have this burning urge to know who/what I am.
