He said NO!

Well, this time when setting boundaries, don't crawl into his bed the next morning. Just sayin..

 

I can see how it'd be tempting since you both share something special, whatever conditions it may be, but be sure to be true to yourself. If you say one thing, know why you're saying it, and be sure you mean it. In this case, I can see how you really do mean it; however, there's a temptation to say something to get someone to do what you want them to. Not saying you are a manipulative person, at all, but if you'd be honest with yourself, what response were you hoping the most in the world for? I've found myself saying things to people to change their behavior, not in a malicious way, but I was still trying to control a situation that was completely out of my control.

 

I don't understand religion very well, but I do know that I've seen people be drawn to religion to fix themselves, or to run away from themselves. I dated a girl once who had a completely fake, super christian persona, so much to the point that it isolated her from making friends easily. I observed her behavior, and noticed that she didn't practice her religion very well. She would always post on Facebook prayers to God, and such. I 100% believe that she only did this to give everyone an image of her holiness. Sorry if I'm being offensive, but I've definitely seen people run to religion for the WRONG reasons. I'm just curious as to what draws him to religion.

 

Have you tried asking him to challenge some of his beliefs? There's a lot of evidence of the pick-and-choose nature of religious institutions. I'm wondering if he is willingly believing everything being told to him, or if he is applying his own judgement in the whole process. I'm pretty sure Jesus never said anything about love between the same sex being sinful, and I'm pretty sure Jesus would be supportive of homosexuality. I'm guessing trying to talk about these things with him will only make him mad. What is his dating history? Has he ever dated women (relationship, and all things physical/emotional)? My mom has been praying that God brings a nice christian girl into my life. When she told me that, I started laughing, lol. Has he ever tried initiating being physically intimate? I once fell for a guy who was defo in the closet, and is still the closest thing I've had to falling in love. He verbalized his attraction towards me, and would sometimes "jokingly" talk dirty to me when we were alone - all of which drove me crazy. He wasn't ready, and probably will never be. I cut him out of my life, because I wanted him so badly that it hurt to hold on. I stole his blanket once, and am actually using it right now because I have the flu. My memento

 

I think you need to stand your ground for what you want. If he is not interested in having the type of relationship you want, you should draw a line in the sand and not cross it, and not let him cross it either. This is the only way to keep respect in the relationship, whatever it is. I think it would probably be best if you made a clean break and moved on, because friendship with hormones is a very difficult thing to do, esp once you have crossed the line, and without having a break to readjust your head. Know what you want and then you will know how to handle it.

 

Yeah, I think, to be honest, that this is not good for either of you. It is not good for him, because this way he gets fulfilled a part of him that needs fulfilling, while at the same time being in denial. If he ever will be able to confront that part of himself, you cannot enable his denial by accepting this kind of a "denial, but doing it" relationship. He`s not gay, he thinks. Gay is wrong, he thinks. But at the same time, he is being active in sexual relations with a guy. He`s confused, but he cannot bring himself to confront anything, because part of him like that he can get what he needs (while he doesn`t admit it to himself) through you.

It`s not good for you, because you want a real relationship, without this confusion and constant questioning about what it is that the two of you have. Sure, you might still be able to get the sex, but there`s a whole lot of baggage here.

I would start treating him like you would any other good friend. Don`t jump into his bed, keep in mind that it`s not good for the two of you, and someone has to be the one to draw up some lines. Don`t do sleep-overs, and limit the casual touching. Like, for example, stroking his hair. That`s an intimate action, and sends certain signals. Once you get the physical line up between you, then it`s easier to start treating him like a friend, and not someone you have intimate feelings for.

And then he`s going to be forced to confront his feelings, and at some point, his denial. It may take some time, but I think it`s the only chance for the two of you to ever enter an actual relationship.

The best of luck *hugs*

 

If he seems like he'll come around some day and admit to himself and others that he's (obviously) gay and be willing to have a real relationship at that time, then set the boundaries for now while telling him that you're here if and when he should decide he wants to hold a real relationship, but will not wait around for him either.

If he seems like he'll never come around on this issue due to religion etc., set stern boundaries and treat him like you would a straight friend, only. Anything a straight guy wouldn't do with you, don't do those things with him. In this scenario, if you you don't set those boundaries and stick to them, you're setting yourself up to get hurt, unfortunately.

 

Sorry to drop in, I am speaking from experience concerning religion and being gay.
In fact tell him to read this. I fought against this so called "sin" for years. I even ended up in a "Christian Rehab" place for 18 months, what did I learn? Changing outside of a person is easy, changing a person's inside,... well that is a different animal, I suggest this one prayer for you, "God? grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I cannot change the fact I love men, Preachers, clergy, etc for centuries have used/abused the bible for their own selfish gains, they can tell you being this or that is sin, but they never agree on everything the WORD says. I've learned over the years. You are the one who decides how you pursue God, everybody has a different point of view of God, the question is are you moving towards or away from Him, I you say you are moving towards Him, then you have nothing to worry about (being Gay straight etc does NOT matter,) If you are moving away from him, EVERYTHING you do is SIN PERIOD, even if it looks good.
Being gay is not an issue with God. What direction your heart is going IS God's concern.
I hope that clears that up. And think about this If God is male but loves you, does that make God gay too?, hmmm? We have become a plastic people, Show the world what we want them to see, then reveal ourselves in private.

 

(*hug*)

In a way I am sorry to hear that, because I know it must be difficult for you, but you are right, this might be just what you need. Sometimes when doors are locked, a lot of others open!

So try to keep your chin up and think fresh. I am sure you`ll both be alright (*hug*)

 

I really hope this turns out well for you. I have kept your problem in my mind this whole time. If he leaves and you ever feel lonely, you know where to find us all...

 

That sounds like me and a guy at the moment. We're really close, and we act like we're together, but when I actually ask him out, he'll just give a reply along the lines of I'm just not sure of my sexuality yet, and we just carry on as before.

Erm... sorry, I don't actually have anything worth while to add to this discussion .

 

Just thought I'd check to see how you are doing.

 

It really sounds like he's only interested in the perks of a relationship. I agree with the others, cut him off from those perks and see how he reacts. If he really want to be with you he'll realize that he has to commit.