he left me for his girlfriend.

And this is why I said that I am pretty sure that he knows you have feelings for him. You just confirmed it. Furthermore...I can tell this distance thing is going to be a terrible situation for you. I don't like playing the tic for tat thing but in your case...I am willing to bet that if this guy sees you with someone else...this will drive him insane with jealousy to know that you are moving on. Its really weird how people who make the decisions to move on and once they see that you have...then all of a sudden its like WTF!!! you are not supposed to do the same as they are. You are supposed to be somewhere crying and heartbroken over them although they have moved on. In all honesty...I wish you would meet someone new because just by dealing with all that you are going through with this guy...In my opinion...you would do yourself a favor by doing just that and focus on establishing some kind of a PLATONIC friendship with this guy. Mind you...I said PLATONIC ... not FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS...You deserve to be with someone who is certain about their sexuality than someone who is confused and struggling with acceptance which is the case of this guy. Just another little note: Has it occurred to you that after you and this guy had sex that he immediately started to focus on rekindling a relationship with his girlfriend whom by the way from what you have mentioned is very inexperienced ??? The thing is ...if I had sex with someone..why I backtrack and start a relationship with someone like this girl who has no experience whatsoever...just sayin...OH! WAIT A MINUTE...THIS WORD JUST CAME TO ME WHILE TYPING THIS...BEARD!!!! ...OK..THAT'S MUCH BETTER....!!!!!:roflmao::roflmao:

 

Well..buddy...you may not know for sure..but I can tell you that I know for sure what you and him are going through. The guy I had mentioned about in one of my other responses had done similar things as your friend is doing when I decided to move on with my life. He even came to my place unannounced very late one night as to spy on me and to check and see if I was by myself. He even had this guy who live nearby reporting to him who I am going out with and if I came home later that night. Nonetheless..all he did was push me farther away from him with is antics. Some people find it difficult to accept the fact that they cannot have their cake and eat it too. Nonetheless...I still say just lay low on communicating and reaching out to him and I hope you have some popcorn handy because he is about to give you a show that you soon won't forget. :smilewave:roflmao:

 

hi sir!

from what i've read here, this guy you have a dilemma with is not good for you. he seems to be manipulating you, possibly for his own satisfaction. he's obviously in denial and is experimenting. it's just too bad cos it's at your cost. i also have to agree with everyone's response. it would be really wise if you disconnect from his world entirely. for your sanity, please just close out this chapter and leave him behind. no more emotional investments for him. remember to protect your heart.

 

if he's deliberately pulling your strings to find answers for himself, then yes. that's wrong. his struggle with his faith is his problem. he shouldn't drag you in to it. that's just unfair for you. your honesty is the only help you can give him. everything else is up to him.

give yourself some space to breathe. i know it's hard but complicating things with him will just make it even harder.

 

Hi Houston,

It is often said but and its REALLY true...peoples actions speak way more their than words. His actions at this point (he's back with his girlfriend; he sleeps in the same bed with you but no physical contact--that's an INaction that tells you something of where he's at with all this...)

That said, I know you have strong feelings for him, and I believe he does for you too.

From what you have said he is clearly struggling with his sexuality... But the fact is that's where he's at right now. He is choosing to be with his girlfriend (the fact that she's celibate and he's okay with that...well that may very well work for him...)

At any rate, I agree with the other poster, this sleeping in same bed with you without physical contact, when you want that is torturing. For whatever reason he is putting up a boundary there, and I would say it's time for you to put up some boundaries of your own.

I agree with a lot of the advice you have already received. I believe that you do need to take some time away from him right now. His texting, the 'I love you's' etc all this does is serve to keep you 'on the hook', give you hope etc. All the while his actions are not moving your relationship in the direction you want.

My advice would be to cut contact right now. (Very difficult, I KNOW, I have been in this sort of relationship dynamic.) Sure you could just fade away, not text back. But that isn't the most mature way and does nothing to empower you here. I would take some control, set up your OWN boundary..next time he texts with an I love you or whatever simply state this situation has become to difficult for you and you feel you need to take some time away from him. If you want you can add that he can feel free to contact you when and IF he gets some clarity around what he wants. Be aware you may get some pushback from him on this, but stay strong.

It's painful and this is cliche but time and space do have a way of bringing us clarity and freeing us up for new opportunities.

Best of luck to you Houston!