Have you discussed dying with your family?

We haven't talked about it much, and obviously it shouldn't happen yet, but I'd like for my organs to be donated, my 'hoarder stash' to be given to charity, and the rest of me to be cremated. The thought of being stuck in a coffin under the dirt to rot...hell no -shudders-. Equally important is being remembered as the right gender; otherwise it would be a horrendous insult and disrespect. Haven't even thought about a will. I'm not having kids, so maybe my friends can sort through my stuff if I kick the bucket earlier. Basically, I want a simple, non-religious funeral with minimal legal crap. And minimal/no blood relatives since they'd add formalities and misgender me. All I want is for my loved ones to take a moment to remember me and dump my ashes somewhere with fresh air. Then, going out and live their own lives instead of putting time and money into grieving.

 

I work in healthcare so the topic comes up several times a week for me. If people die quickly that's relatively easy. Unfortunately a lot of times we don't and it can be a long overdrawn process. Most people don't have a good understanding of the healthcare system and what it can and cannot do. So, if the physicians continue offering tests and "treatments" people will often continue with that course because they don't want to decline the thing that could have given grandma one more chance. Its really sad and it is a horrible way for a person to spend their last days.

But, it is getting a little better. I understand Obamacare now pays for some of these conversations for Dr.s to have with their patients, this was what the GOP tried to portray as death panels. Knowledge is often the issue, people just don't know what is at stake and what they are doing to their loved one by continuing with aggressive treatment. And talking about dying isn't quite such a cultural taboo in this country like it was even just ten years ago.

Here are some pointers, at least for the folks in the US. Laws around this sort of thing get a little floppy in this country.
1)Talking to your family isn't enough. Even if they completely understand and agree with your wishes now they will balk when the chips are down. You should have the conversation about your wishes and then get it in writing and at least have it notarized. The goal is to take all the pressure off your loved ones so they don't feel like they are "killing" you by declining that next unnecessary test/treatment.
2)Having it in writing might not be enough either. It is not uncommon for families, once the patient is unable to state their wishes, to override the patient's wishes with what they think is best. If you think this could be a possibility then you need a backup. You can specify certain treatments that will keep you alive but not make you better, PEG tubes are the frequent offenders here. Probably best to see a lawyer to help with a backup plan if you think this is could be needed.
3)If your loved one is stuck in the hospital and you feel like you aren't getting the full picture from the physician ask the other caregivers what they are seeing. Physical therapists, respiratory therapists, nurses and others all have a lot of experience and can share what they have seen happen before in that situation. It is not within their scope to come to you and tell you your family member is dying, or that such and such test/treatment is useless. But if you ask them the right questions sometimes you can get a more honest assessment. The savviest questions I get from family is "What would you do if this was your mom/dad/etc" and then I tell them.

Great thread this is an important topic. Especially with medicine being able to keep people alive but not always heal or provide quality of life.

 

Yes. Generally, my family is okay talking about morbid topics. We shared basic plans, and it's mostly up to each person.

There's a lot of pride involved. If one of my relatives is sick, they usually keep it to themselves. There are pros and cons to this.

We didn't know that one extended family member was unwell, until she ended up an old folks home. She doesn't know who she is anymore. Her husband and children will inherit her earthly goods and plan her funeral.

 

We've kinda talked about it. It's more brought up in the sense that once you start getting up there in years or have serious health issues, it could happen anytime.

 

I don't want to donate my organs. It isn't a religious thing at all. The idea of parts of me being inside another human being creeps me out.

 

Kind of, not really??

When I was really depressed and suicidal, it was kind of mentioned. Particularly after my suicide attempt.

It is interesting that you made this thread. I was just thinking of how I am not afraid of death at all, because every second I have is just a bonus, every day a gift.

 

I have a will but need to get it signed and notarized. Since I own my condo, I want to make sure that it stays in the family (would go to my younger sister) should something happen to me, instead of being seized by the government. Also included are a song I want played at my funeral, a couple small financial donations, and instructions not to keep me artificially on life support or extend my life in case of a terminal illness.

I made out the will a couple months ago when I was feeling really low, and the act of just making the will made me think about how much it would hurt my family to have something happen to me. The bad thoughts went away after that.

 

I have discussed this with my grandmother and it made me shudder to think of her not being around anymore.We never discussed euthanasia fortunately

 

I have. When I was 16, I helped ensure all documents were ready for my grandmother's eventual passing (she died 9 years later). So I am aware of wills, living wills, health care proxies, etc. In fact, if it hadn't been for the fact that I was legally a minor, I would have signed as witness or been attorney-in-fact for her. (I actually have (durable) powers of attorney for my parents). For my grandmother, I helped decide to sign a DNR (do not resuscitate orders); very difficult documents to sign (I was of legal age).

As for me, I don't have a will, per se, but don't have assets that would be difficult to dispense with. I do own stock and a bank account, but all was opened as a minor and I haven't changed the documentation so my mom is still on the account and can access it, if need be. The rest of the valuable things I own are precious metals in my safe that could easily be sold. Those would probably go to my sister for college or something like that. I would like also for my clothes (plenty of really nice professional clothes) to go to organizations that help people without professional clothes for interviews and jobs get some.

In the future, as I acquire more things and maybe get married, I will create a will and health care proxy (at present, I wouldn't want a religious funeral service (my mom knows I will come back from the grave if I get a certain religious denomination's funeral service :lol; no to life support; yes to DNR).

 

Yes. I want to donate as much of my organs as possible, and then be cremated. My mother co-owns all of my valuables, so my car, etc. We're joint owners on my bank account even.

 

Nah. I'm not too concerned with what happens to my body after death.

 

As I have a history of depression, I avoid those talk lest my family thought I am going to kill myself and try to do something bad...