So for a little bit of background, this friend was one of my best friends throughout high school and then when I moved across the country for college I expected the friendship to fade away, but surprisingly we still talked almost every day and since I’ve struggled making new friends here she ended up being my only friend. However, about two weeks ago she started acting distant, which isn’t completely unnormal for her, but it was getting to the point where it felt like she was straight up ignoring me. She would leave my massages on read, she would ignore the memes I sent her (we would often send each other memes on Instagram but she stopped sending me any and stopped liking any of the ones I sent), and whenever I told her happy thanksgiving she didn’t even say it back. A couple days later, fed up, I was asking if there was a reason she had been ignoring me and her response was that she didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. That was about 5 days ago and I haven’t tried to contact her since. She had gone through moments of depression in the past where she stopped talking to me, but that was only a few days. This has been going on for over a week now and I feel like I lost my only friend. I don’t want to sound insensitive but I’ve dealt with depression too and even when I was at my mental lowest I would still talk to her. But she can’t even bother to tell me happy thanksgiving or at least say something along the lines of “hey, I’m not doing too well right now, I just need some time to myself so I’m not trying to ignore you on purpose.” That’s what bothers me the most. I understand if she would want some time to deal with her mental issues but to not even give me an explanation and to just straight up repeatedly ignore me feels really shitty and rude. At this point if she starts talking to me again I don’t know that our relationship will ever go back to normal. I’m really frustrated by this and it’s completely messed up our friendship. Am I being too harsh? Should I forgive her (if she gives me the chance)? She’s literally my only real friend at this point and I don’t have anyone else to talk to but that doesn’t mean I’m desperate enough to go back to the person who rudely ignored me.
I think it’s important to note that depression is different for everyone. Back when I was at my most depressed months could go by with me not responding to people. I didn’t do that intentionally, I was just so lost in my head, drowning in my own garbage, that I genuinely had almost no concept of time. If your friend is known to do this for shorter periods of time, I’d say cut her some slack. Especially since it’s been a rough year for most of us with the pandemic going on. I’ve also been on your side of things. My best friend suffers from many different issues and goes through periods of being incredibly distant too. Since I’ve been there, I get it. That doesn’t mean it’s not hard, and it can be exhausting having to be understanding when I have my own difficulties too. I sometimes have to remind myself that they aren’t ignoring me, they’re just going through stuff, and reach out to them with something like “I know things are hard but remember that I care and I’m always here for you.” And over time they’ve actually gotten very good about letting me know when they’re having a tough time and will get back to me when they can. If it’s important to you to hear something back, you could explain what you’ve been feeling and ask her to give you a heads up when she’s in a rough place and can’t respond or engage fully. If she can’t manage that, and that’s an issue for you, then it might be time to consider if this is the right friendship for you anymore. Or perhaps it might just mean you should focus on developing other friendships, as difficult as that is. I hope this helps somewhat. I know how hard it can be when a close friend shuts down.
It is very difficult if your support system is limited to one person, I know from experience. I am sure that you must be feeling lonely and hurt. You admit though that she has trouble with depression and that her behavior is not unusual for her. I think that the best thing that you can do for both you and her and for your relationship is to let her know that you will be there for her when she is ready. For yourself, I think that it would be best to put some effort into meeting other people. I have always had trouble making friends, I found that pursuing hobbies (I play table top games) and volunteering helps me get outside of myself and helps me to meet more people. You might consider therapy also, it could help you deal with any depression over this and also being some place new and with no friends.
