1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Has empty closets helped you?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by quebec, Oct 12, 2017.

  1. quebec

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2014
    Messages:
    557
    Likes Received:
    85
    Location:
    Idaho
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I was making a post to a user on the "LGBT Later in Life" forum and realized that it was something that should be a thread by itself...so here goes:

    I have kept hard copies of many of my posts here on empty closets. I know that they are all still here to look at...but at times I need something to hold in my hand and read again. Some of the posts that I have written here, while mostly written to and for the person I was replying to have given me a view deep into my own soul. For me, keeping a record of my life here on EC is almost religious. Empty closets has been very literally a life-saver for me, as important as my time with my therapist. I had stumbled on EC (don't remember how) several months before the crisis that finally forced me to accept that I was and always had bee gay. I made my first post (coming out), writing through a flood of tears, begging for help and I got it. Empty closets is how I survived for the first year after I came out. I had no one else to talk to, to share with, to lean on. I really don't know what I would have done without this incredible group of caring, loving people...Thank you so much EC.

    If you feel the way I do...make a short post here and share with all of us how EC has been there for you, has helped you.....David
     
  2. HM03

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2013
    Messages:
    7,350
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Canader
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    It has. It feels like such a long time ago I joined, yet 4 years isn't that long.

    I remember when I first joined it was nerve-wracking, just the act of logging in, and going from nobody knowing to thousands of online strangers.

    Even though I have a few irl people to vent to now, it's still nice being able to vent into the void to people that won't even see my face lol
     
  3. SemiCharmedLife

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2013
    Messages:
    6,250
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    KY
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm coming up on my 4 year mark. I was still confused about exactly where on the Kinsey scale I fell, and convinced that I would never find love or happiness as an LGBT person. Happy to say that my interactions with the amazing people in this community helped me come so far.
     
  4. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,118
    Likes Received:
    1,626
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    All of this. I don't know where I would be without EC. It's such a special place.
     
  5. mbanema

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2014
    Messages:
    3,115
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    MA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    It hasn't helped me with the reason I joined which was to come out, but EC has allowed me to get to know some truly wonderful people. I honestly can't imagine how utterly alone I would feel right now if I never signed up on this forum.
     
  6. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,118
    Likes Received:
    1,626
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well we haven't helped you come out yet but don't give up, never say never.
     
  7. AlexJames

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2017
    Messages:
    752
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    EC has helped me so much. I don't think i can really explain it. But before EC, i had signs and suspicions but somehow was able to hide both my sexuality and my gender from myself my whole life up till that point. I would literally notice and think things and reason them away, convince myself surely it was nothing, surely it was normal. Looking back idk how i convinced myself that periodically wanting a dick and thinking about girls bodies was normal, but i did. Without EC i would have stayed miserable and clueless. And finally exploring my gender like this...i mean its in my signature now it means so much. I haven't been this happy and confident in easily half my life.
     
  8. jam93

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2017
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    Iowa
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    stumbling onto this site was one of the luckiest things that's happened to me in a long time. I don't know where I'd be without it. When I first got on here I was a mess. I'd spend all day debating my sexuality, going back and forth in my head over and over. I had no idea what I was, I just knew I was confused as hell. you guys helped me set things straight (pun intended) and figure myself out. I can't say I wouldn't have eventually figured things out on my own, but I surely wouldn't be as far along the road to fully out as I am now without this site.
     
  9. Kodo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    4,909
    Likes Received:
    197
    Location:
    Mars
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It was the first place I could be myself and gain true, loving acceptance. I could never repay this community for the gift they have given me.
     
  10. Ruby Dragon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2012
    Messages:
    4,608
    Likes Received:
    28
    Location:
    South Africa
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I started questioning my sexuality around 2012. I did a Google search for LGBT forums, and EC was the first or second result. Needless to say, it's been my "home" ever since. Not only does it help with sexuality-related things but the people here are so eager to help with other problems too, and I've gotten some great advice in the past, and even now still. I log onto EC daily and try to respond to at least one to two threads a day, provided I can be of assistance to the OP. Empty Closets has helped me find myself and figure out who I really am. I will forever be in debt to all who have helped me along my journey of self discovery, and are still helping to this day. Thank you to all who make this place great. Without all of you, it wouldn't be the place it is today. Thanks again :grin:
     
  11. Creativemind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    4,668
    Likes Received:
    301
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My case is different in that I already knew my sexuality and was out way before joining. I joined because I wanted to discuss LGBT topics and get advice about others things I may not have known yet. I technically don't need EC anymore, but I stay here simply because I crave a place to talk about this sort of thing as I do not get to in person.
     
  12. Totesgaybrah

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2016
    Messages:
    927
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    EC has helped me hugely. Thank you.

    Without this place and the people here I’m positive that I never would have come out.
    Before EC I was still questioning and totally uncomfortable with being gay. Before joining I planned on never coming out.

    In less than a month it will be a year since I fully came out to the people I care about.
     
  13. Andrew99

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2013
    Messages:
    12,213
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Arizona
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Oh yes in so many ways. Especially when I was still closeted. I think I learned some valuable lessons as well from this site.
     
  14. junebug99

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2017
    Messages:
    375
    Likes Received:
    453
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    EC has helped me in many ways. I cannot express just how much it has helped me. All the confusion and questioning. I have met so many amazing people on here. I am writing now. And I love to write. I feel free and so much more in tune with myself. I have only been on here two short months. But I feel that if I hadn't joined I would still be lost. Thank you to all of you!
     
  15. Quantumreality

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2016
    Messages:
    5,335
    Likes Received:
    233
    Location:
    Detroit, MI
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    EC is such a welcoming and, perhaps most importantly, an extremely well-regulated/well-moderated community for an online forum – let alone an LGBTQ-centric forum, that it stands out above all others in it’s ability to reach out and help our fellow LGBTQ people around the world.



    As a (at the time that I joined EC) 50-year old Bi man, I came to EC without any questions about my sexuality, but rather because my situation in life did not previously allow me to interact openly with other LGBTQ members or even to be Out, I decided at that point to join EC mainly in order to simply have open interaction with other members of the LGBTQ community. Ironically, I have (and have had) MANY LGBTQ friends and acquaintances over the years, however, I didn’t feel comfortable Coming Out to most of them – and I still am not Out to some of them, while I’m Out to pretty much all of my family and straight friends. My main point in joining EC was to have open, honest interaction with other members of the LGBTQ community. And, given my life experiences, I think/hope that I bring a serious point of view to the forums for many LGBTQ people.



    From my point of view, the diligence of the EC Staff is critical to keeping this an open, honest website. The fact that regular members can’t ‘simply’ exchange off-site contact information is also critical to maintaining the integrity of this website. The simple fact that people as young as 13 years old can have serious, deep conversations about sexuality and their experiences (unfiltered) is truly awesome to me and I wish it could happen as directly and as often in the real world. In too much of the world, especially America, even having such discussions directly is too often seen as ‘perverse’ or ‘recruiting’ or ‘immoral.’ In reality, how can anyone learn unless they can have frank, realistic/direct, non-lewd, non-predatory discussions with other real people who actually understand what they are going through?



    (And, NO, this was NOT a paid advertisement for EC by any means. LOL!!)



    Just my 2cents.
     
  16. Justinian20

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2014
    Messages:
    2,668
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Brisbane Australia
    I definitely was helped by EC, I came onto this site pretty sure that I was gay with one question I wanted to really ask people in the community to basically be completely sure that I was gay. I really began to accept myself on this site and it has helped me so much and is definitely a part of my history, I have chatted with a few other people too and I have stayed on this site because I want to just keep making friends and talking about topics with other LGBTQ+ people.
     
  17. Hawk

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2015
    Messages:
    3,560
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Alberta
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yeah, I don't know any LGBT people irl (or very few), so just coming here and seeing everyone else's stories, experiences, and advice has definitely helped me. Although, time has also played a very important role in helping me figure out who I am. I am still figuring things out, but I am very grateful for everyone I've talked to and received advice from.
     
  18. whitequeen

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2017
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I don't post much or log in at all in general (mainly because of increasing family issues and struggles), but I do want to say that I check a few times and I like reading even casual threads like this... it just goes to remind me that I'm not alone, no matter how alone I may feel. Plus, this place has been really helpful with advice and stuff, even if it didn't quite go as planned. So for that, I'll always be grateful ^_^
     
  19. Canterpiece

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2015
    Messages:
    3,051
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    When I first joined EC two years ago, I had just left secondary school. It was a busy year; with exams, moving, and being a central point of gossip after my now ex-friends outed me to their friends. Initially, I felt hesitant about joining EC. It was never an intentional thing, finding this place, as it just kind of happened. My Google searches (sometimes about LGBT questions, other times fairly unrelated topics) kept bringing me to this site, so I decided to join to see what it was like.

    Before I joined I had already spent some time looking at different threads. I got the impression that there was a social order, it was clear to see which users got the most attention (with certain members getting quite a response whenever they posted somewhere) and it almost felt like I was spying on a group chat between friends. These users clearly got on well with each other judging by the natural flow in conversations.

    That’s why I was initially hesitant. Since these users had spent more time on this website, all knowing each other well- I was worried that I might never fit in here, and that I would always remain at the edges of each conversation, involved but never really properly connected. Add on the fact that I already had some preconceived notions about what the LGBT community was like, I thought it was fairly reasonable to assume that I would never fully have a place here.

    Back then, although I had accepted the fact I’m gay, I never really felt like I was part of the community. I didn’t have many LGBT friends, and my preconceived notions about what the community was like didn’t fit with how I saw myself as a person. The welcome lounge gave me some peace of mind as I was reminded that every user here starts off as a newbie, so maybe there was a chance that I would settle in with time, and I did.

    I’m glad I gave this place a chance. There are some features that had to be sacrificed in the new update, for instance- the arcade, that helped me when I first joined (although I understand why it was scrapped, compatibility issues and all). The arcade for me was a place to escape to, in a way it gave me closure for previous past events. Back when I had just turned fourteen, bullies threatened and insulted me in this arcade. They were also the last few days I spent in a play area (which didn’t go well), and the fact these events were both so negative…well it made me feel like a part of my childhood had been taken away.

    Although I can’t change my past, having the online arcade gave me somewhere to go that helped me enjoy arcades again and put that bit of my past behind me.

    EC helped me break some of my preconceived ideas about the community, and the concept of LGBT no longer feels so alien as it once did. I appreciate this website because it’s given me a place where I’ve been able to share and speculate on topics and ideas. Plus, it covers a wide variety of things, not just LGBT stuff which is good.

    It’s also well moderated, a lot better than some other forums I’ve been on. One forum I’ve been on that has a LGBT section, is terribly moderated! From the moment I entered that section, I saw death threats, homophobic language, transphobic attacks, incredibly misguided beliefs, and people pushing bizarre ideologies. It made me wonder if there even were any moderators hanging about! Turns out that the site does in fact have moderators (could’ve fooled me) but they seem to be fairly inactive (I suppose with a website like that it’s hard to know where to even begin, there are so many misguided beliefs and trolls).

    At one point I decided to take some time away from that website and I wrote a post explaining why I was taking a break (I just got sick of trolls), and the users that replied to that were quite understanding. Some of them had taken breaks from the website for similar reasons. One user in particular sent me a rather heartbreaking message. They had taken breaks from the website just like me, but they would always return because they felt like the section would only get more and more toxic without them there to try and fight against the misinformation being spread. Also, they had known one of the users there who was trans who stopped posting because they received violent threats just for asking questions about transitioning.

    You wouldn’t expect the LGBT section to be the most homophobic and transphobic, but I guess it makes sense considering the site’s demographic. There was a poll put on the website at one point, and judging by the people that voted on that thread- the site is about 98.9% cis and straight with traditional values (an amount which is slowly going higher and higher as quite a few LGBT members are leaving due to some of the comments there). This poll was in the LGBT section. Which I can believe, as most people in that section identify as straight (and many of the posts are just about how confusing gay and/ or trans people are to them). It makes me wonder why that site even has an LGBT section, it clearly isn’t monitored enough and most of the users there don’t actually care about the community, they just go there to troll.

    Anyway, kind of went on a rant there- whoops. :flushed: In Summary, yes, EC has helped me. :slight_smile:
     
    #19 Canterpiece, Oct 14, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2017
  20. SkyGirl

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2016
    Messages:
    411
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Denver
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    All but family
    EC has helped me with so much, specifically opening my mind to different gender identities and helping me discover my own. I will be forever grateful for this place just existing.