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Going to lesbian/gay clubs alone, good or bad idea?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Ncb98, May 14, 2018.

  1. Ncb98

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    I have recently decided to stop meeting girls from dating apps because of personal reasons. I think I’d prefer to flirt and get with women outside of the internet.
    Anyway, I’m 20 but I’ve never even set foot inside a gay club before. I don’t really have any friends to go with so I’m just wondering if it’s a good/safe idea to go to a gay club by myself? I’m a pretty shy and quiet person so I’m not sure how to “get out there” so I’m worried about looking like a loser and not attracting anyone to me.
    Tips? Any success stories with meeting women at clubs?
    I’ve been getting tired of meeting girls via dating apps and have been looking to expand to outside sources. I’m not sure if anyone has any other ideas of where I can meet other lesbians safely.
     
  2. Humbly Me

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    Well in the US drinking is not legal until 21, though many people just hope they don't get carded or have fake IDs. Some bars / clubs will not allow people below 21 in the building.

    Otherwise, yeah, it is fairly safe as long as someone knows where you are. I would say a tazer is quite an effective tool for self defense if you feel afraid of physical violence and it is entirely safe and legal to carry one. Mace / pepper spray can easily hit you when rushing rather than your target but it is also an option some people use.
     
    #2 Humbly Me, May 15, 2018
    Last edited: May 15, 2018
  3. Destin

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    I've never been to an LGBT club, but I've been to lots of normal ones. Yea it's usually safe to go alone, but it's still a good idea to have a way to protect yourself. I think the tazer idea is probably too extreme though. Pepper spray would work and is easy to conceal.

    The way it usually goes for shy people depends on whether they feel comfortable or not. A lot of shy people just shut down completely alone in a club and end up drifting to the corner by themselves awkwardly. If you can get comfortable and be social though, you won't be alone for very long - the whole point of clubs is to socialize so literally everyone there is open to conversations from anyone, you just need to feel comfortable talking to them.
     
  4. CL1990

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    ive gone by myself and although it was pretty scary i always try to go on nights where there were social events like mingles, meetups..etc. is this something you could do?people there tend to go alone (at least in london) and everyone is for the same reason as you. i havnt met any women i found attractive but if definetely helped me build my confidence and i was very proud i did it!good luck and great thing that you are thinking about new stuff
     
  5. Humbly Me

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    Why is a tazer more extreme? It is actually less likely to cause serious harm to someone than pepperspray (a combustible substance in a pressurized container) - you can have heart failure or lethal asthma attacks following pepperspray and when it is dark and late it is not just possible but even likely you will spray the wrong direction. Tazers have the disadvantage of being melee tools of combat and that they have limited charge but many are quite affordable and double function as a flashlight. Things that are extreme are like carbon fiber combat knives.
     
    #5 Humbly Me, May 16, 2018
    Last edited: May 16, 2018
  6. Destin

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    Even though people don't think so, a tazer is a lethal weapon. If you tazer someone with even a small heart condition or brain electrical imbalance it can easily kill them. A lot of people have those issues and don't even know they do. Pepper spray can cause asthma attacks like you mentioned, but it's far more likely to survive that than a heart or brain issue.

    Tazers frequently get blocked and become useless. If the person is wearing a thick jacket or something for example the tazer loses nearly all of its effectiveness because the prongs producing electricity can't get through the thick clothing. There's a surprising amount of people who can ignore getting tazed too, there's videos of police tazing people like 5 times before the person stops attacking. Even if they ignore the pain of pepper spray, they still can't see which gives you time to run away.

    I don't know about all clubs, but the ones I used to go to had a bouncer check people for weapons at the door. Alcohol and loud noises plus people with weapons isn't a great idea. There's no way the bouncers I knew would let someone in at all with a tazer. Pepper spray they would be ok with because it seems less threatening, and it would be much easier to conceal than a tazer so they might not find it at all.
     
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  7. Humbly Me

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    Interesting perspective, though a low amperage tazer is not actually very likely to cause a heart fluctuation unless the person is on the edge of death already. Anyways, all methods if self defense have their merits and situational uses. Seems there are more benefit to pepper spray in that environment - at least from your experience.
     
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  8. OGS

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    I'm going to assume that you are getting ready to turn 21 because in my experience most gay bars/clubs card and if they don't they can actually get in a lot of trouble for letting underage people in.

    That said I think you should do it (once you turn 21 of course). Please don't let all the talk of pepper spray and tazers deter you. I've been going to gay bars and clubs pretty regularly for over 25 years in all sorts of cities and countries and not once have I felt threatened. It seems to me you're much more likely to be assaulted walking to the club than you are in a gay club. Frankly I think you're much more safe in a gay club than at a straight club for that matter--I've spent much more time in gay clubs than straight clubs and yet I've seen some sh*t go down in straight clubs (but never in a gay club).

    As far as whether you can meet people there, my experience has been an emphatic yes. The first time I went was to a bar here in town--I went alone. I met a ton of people, many of whom I'm still friends with well over 25 years later. Actually I have found over the years as I've made friends in a variety of places that my bar/club hopping friends turned out to be the ones who were really there for me when the chips are down. Oh, and I met my husband of twenty years in that same bar years later (actually now that I think about it I was there with one of the guys from that first night at the time).

    Go! Have fun! (once you're 21 of course).
     
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  9. Biguy45

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    As a middle aged closeted bi man, I have never been to a gay club, but I must admit the thought of doing so excites me. I almost went to one years ago with a bi girlfriend, but I thought I was straight at the time. Maybe the experience would have convinced me otherwise. It could have changed my world. Lol
     
  10. Destin

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    I'd like to go to one too but my city doesn't have any. The only option is that one bar has an LGBT night once or twice a month and from what I read about it barely anyone goes. Strangely there are also no strip clubs at all, because they're banned by a city policy that businesses can't allow toplessness anywhere in the city. One guy tried to get around it by opening a 'bottomless' strip club instead... it got shut down within days and they added bottomless as against the rules too.
     
  11. Biguy45

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  12. Biguy45

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    I kind of screwed up my reply. Anywy there are plenty of gay clubs near me. I’m just not brave enough to do it. Also my wife may not approve
     
  13. smurf

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    Yeah, I'm with OGS on this one. Really not sure why we are talking about carrying weapons in order to go to a gay club. The only fear I ever get from gay clubs is from straight people that might want to be assholes, but most gay clubs have a well lit parking lot that is close by for this reason. Many of them also have security cameras around the parking lot as well.

    But being at the club with other LGBT people is one of the safest feelings. This is also why a lot of straight women like going to gay clubs because its one of the only clubs where they feel safe from men.

    All that being said, I think its perfectly fine to go to a gay club by yourself if you want to but I would check your expectations.

    As an introvert, I wouldn't advice you to go into a gay club expecting to meet tons of available women. 1) It will be overwhelming the first time around. I would aim to simply going and having at least one drink. Talk to 2 strangers and then get out if you feel you had enough. The first time I went to a gay club a lone I was so in awe that I only had energy to have a beer and leave without talking to anyone. It was great though. 2) girls are way outnumbered by guys at gay clubs so go with that expectation. Depending on your city there might be a lesbian night at some bars and I would go in those nights. 3) Don't put pressure on yourself about meeting someone to date the first couple of times. Just go there to make friends and know people.

    Either way, I think gay clubs can be a lot of fun. As an introvert I do enjoy them more when I go with friends though.