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Going out in public

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Spot, Mar 8, 2019.

  1. Spot

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    Location:
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    This probably sounds stupid but I've never actually gone out in public by myself whilst presenting as male. Like I've always had someone else with me. And I've decided that I really need to get over it because when I've saved up enough money, I'm going to move out and live on my own. So I'll be alone 24/7. I need to buy new clothes too. Most of my guy clothes I bought years ago and I've had to throw some out because they were just falling apart lol. I was going to ask my friend if she wanted to come to the mall with me but I realized this is the perfect opportunity for me to go alone whilst presenting as male. I don't know when I'm going, maybe tomorrow. I'm really, really nervous though. I feel kind of like I can't breathe properly even though it's only the night before. It's going to be Saturday tomorrow so I think it'll be really busy. And I'm worried about people staring at me or thinking I'm weird, are they really going to pay that much attention to me or is it all in my head? I'm also worried about not passing but I guess there's nothing I can do about that right now. How do I...just not be so nervous? And are people really going to care? I always feel like everyone knows I'm trans and they're judging me.
     
  2. LaurenSkye

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    I was nervous when I started, little by little, dressing somewhat feminine in public, but you just have to do it. Hold your head up high with a look that says "if you don't like the way I look, tough shit!" You'll probably feel more confident the second, third, etc. times you do it.
     
  3. stuckinside

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    I agree with everything Mikey D has said, but I'll add my own perspective too.

    When I first wanted to start wearing boys clothes out in public, I was terrified. I always thought everyone would be constantly giving me weird stares, that they'd just look at me and know my entire past, and that I was a female-bodied person trying to wear men's clothes and they'd be like "what a freak!" I was especially afraid of wearing masculine clothes around my then-friends who are now out of my life, because I was afraid they'd see right through all of it and know exactly what was going on.

    The thing is? I've found that strangers won't usually notice or care about what you're doing or wearing, which is good. I've slowly realized that nobody cares nearly as much as you think they do. And since you are minding your own business, they would be the ones to look bad if they said anything to you, because it's none of their damn business what you decide to wear.

    My closet is almost exclusively men's clothing now, which took a while but my confidence in presenting male has grown a lot over the past few years.

    I don't want to get long winded here, but all I'm saying is it will take a little while to feel relaxed and comfortable doing it, and I think that's a normal thing so you aren't alone, but you'll eventually get to a point like where I am where you don't even think about presenting as your preferred gender anymore, you'll just do it.
     
  4. Kasey

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    You need to own it. You act all anxious and fake and then people will wonder why you are so sketchy acting. If you walk in and own your own being, then no one will take that from you or question you.

    I was like a chicken with my head cut off when I first came out. I definitely didn't pass... and it showed more than visually. I eventually settled down into it and owned externally what I knew internally. Now I'm a diva everywhere i go and attract attention for the right way if I do.

    Just own it. That's the biggest step.
     
  5. Kodo

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    I was really nervous at first too. But in my experience strangers don't pay that much attention to what you are wearing. Dressing in masculine clothes will also help you pass better and hopefully alleviate dysphoria. It just takes that one step to go outside and, like Kasey said, own it. The more you dress that way the more you will get used to it. If you aren't confident right now that's okay - fake it and no one can tell the difference. You'll do great, friend.