Give your honest opinion, even if brutal.

Welcome to EC. So I read your post but I'm confused about a couple of points. At the beginning of the post, you said he didn't like you, but then you both had a romantic relationship later on. How exactly did that happen and why did you decide to ghost him because of your religion? Also when you met him at the party yesterday what happened between you to, and how did he react?

 

If he was friendly and receptive at the party then I don't think he hates you. I wouldn't get your hopes up though. I think the first step was the ice breaker. Which you did already. And now you both need to have a conversation about your past history and get some closure. Be honest with him and tell him how you were insecure because he wasn't really into you at the time and you were battling internal demons with religion. If that goes smoothly then you can talk about starting back where you left off or just becoming friends.

I don't think it's a matter of deserving of his hate or love. It's up to him to give you a second chance. Just be honest about your mistakes and own up to them.

 

dear Wake my up i dont think anyone deserves hate

 

You're going to have to be the one to contact him first. You have to prove to him that you're serious and you won't flake out. Go in with the intention of apologizing and getting closure for both of you. Don't flirt with him or ask him out. He may still have hurt feelings and trauma from you ghosting him. Coming on strong will make things worse. Then the ball is in his court to hear you out and give you a second chance if that's what he wants.

Just try to make it right. whatever happens afterwards is a bonus. If he doesn't want to hear it, then respect his boundaries and move on.

 

my honest opinion. We know so little about you, and we are all complex beings. So, my honest opinion is i can only offer general response that may or may not hit the mark, and should be taken for what they are... the response of someone who does not know you or your circumstances in any more than a cursory way.
That said....
To me it reads as though you come from a pretty strict cultural background with both social and religious restrictions against same sex attraction. You find that how most of your life you have been expected to be one way ("straight") and found yourself attracted and in love with another guy. Realizing that you can be attracted to another guy doesn't make your orthodox conditioning magically go away, nor to all the people in your life who believe that way disappear. That's where the proverbial "closet" comes from. People who are different from what their culture and society expects them to be, what they have been conditioned to believe they should be, realize the threat of rejection if they are real in front those who (think) they know them. So we build a closet and hide. A problem with that is, we remain unknown, unseen. The supposed love and acceptance we get is not directed at who we really are because we are hiding and most do not know who and how we are.

So, you meet a guy and the real you comes flooding to the surface... and if you are fortunate, there's some chemistry between you and he too returns some of those feelings. You both see a part of each other that has remained hidden, buried. It's all new, unfamiliar, scary and wonderful at the same time.

While you may be an adult, when we have lived in a closet for much of our life, some parts of us do not get the chance to grow and learn. i'd encourage you to give yourself, and the one you love, space and grace to learn and grow, to not be too harsh judging your self or him.

 

Well I would try to break the ice sooner rather than later so it doesn't seem like you're dragging your feet. I would briefly message him that seeing him at the party made you realize you needed to set things straight and do right by him, even though you should have done it a long time. Apologize and own up to your mistakes. Tell him you would like to meet up and properly apologize in person if that is OK. State that you'll respect his wishes and decisions, whatever they may be.

 

That is all you can do. Just give it time. The ball is in his court now. Whatever happens, you did take the initiative to make things right. Take a little pride in that.

 

At this point you have done all you can do. If he is unsure or didn't give you a straight answer, then I would continue to wait still. The ball is in his court now. Trying to force the issue will be counterproductive. If he said No, Then you need to respect that and drop it. Don't contact him again. It's great you're trying to do the right thing and own up to your mistakes. But if he doesn't want to give you a second chance, then your hands are tied. I'm sorry man but you still did good.