Getting used to gay sex

For me it’s pretty much the opposite. I grew up on straight porn and find myself (when I’m alone with myself) looking at gay porn. I’ve never really given it much thought as to why it turns me on. I identify as bi and I’m married. I came out as bi to myself about 6 or 7 years ago and to a few close friends and my wife within the last 3 - 4 years. I can watch bi porn and it is sexy, but when I really want to get myself turned on I look at the strictly gay porn. I like the passionate stuff, not the rough I’m gonna “f-you hard” stuff. Just thought i’d share

 

It might. About a year ago a transgender guy commiserated with me by saying, "At least I -know- who I am."

I'm in my mid 50s. I dropped out of repression last year**, and I'm slowly trying to come to terms with myself. Part of what complicates things is that all of this is really "blended" for me. If I went through adolescence in a less repressed time and region, then I might have claimed some level of nonbinary (or at least played around with same) and I'm pretty sure that my KInsey score would be at least a 2-3 points higher. Things would still be confusing, but "kinda" might at least have been an option. As is, there's something there, but the "Nature" is mixed in with a whole lot of "Nurture" and other baggage, and the beach test and the porn test are sometimes at odds with each other. It's challenging, but a good chunk of my self worth seems to lay in this direction.

**it was like dropping out of hyperspace in Star Wars--the stars turned into streaks and everything! Seriously, I just realized that there was a big chunk of my behavior that I was handling privately and on a preconscious level, with a bunch of bored justifications that I had made to myself to supposedly make it right.

 

It's all part of embracing your sexuality and feeling comfortable with it. I have only ever looked at women (when fantasising) and lesbian porn (i'm a gay woman) so I've not had this same experience but I know that I was ashamed to look at faces of anyone I could recognise (like celebrities), I needed my gayness to be distant in some way (if that makes sense), and then when it comes to actual sex, the thought really made me nervous... I thought I won't know what I'm doing at all....

But in reality, everything comes naturally.

Take your time with it, porn and real sex. Try watching just the men in straight porn, don't put pressure on yourself just focus on the men, without expectation, and try becoming comfortable looking and watching a man in a sexual way. See if it helps you take that leap and feel more at ease. Then move onto gay porn if you're ready.

And like another poster said, consider the type of porn, do you think gentle or rough porn is more what you want, etc.

 

i think for a lot of us later in life coming out folks is a question of programing. you started watching straight porn when you were 12, thats a long time building and reinforcing those neural links. when i came out as Bi at 47, i watched a bit of gay porn but like you it didnt do a lot for me. so i started questioning why straight porn worked for me, and i realized i identified with the girls in the video etc. which made sense since i am currently in the process of coming out as trans, HRT 8 months.

 

Hi now for me coming out to myself that I'm gay at an older stage in my life I really get off on gay porn witch I started watching before I admitted that I was gay it really aroused me to masturbate it felt good . And then I thought no I'll watch straight porn and it never aroused me at all and I never felt anything any more so know a watch gay porn a lot

 

Early in my journey (before EC and coming out) I would watch porn with bisexual action (typically 2 men and 1 woman). In retrospect as a gay man no longer in denial, I can say that I was most interested in checking out the guys. Watching bisexual action was emotionally safer than watching gay porn. I was able to explore my attraction to guys without dealing with the implications of what watching gay porn meant about my sexuality. This was a period when I did not want to be gay because of denial. People who come out later in life typically have internalized homophobia because we learned growing up that being gay is bad or evil. As a result, we deny or go into the closet because we don't want to be bad people. Coming out is about shedding those lies. Once you overcome the shame and internalized homophobia and get to a place of acceptance, you'll become more accepting of gay sex.

The salient questions for you

• When you watch straight porn are you looking at the guy?
• How would you answer the following question - Do you want to be gay?

 

Yeah, I think it takes time to get use to the idea. It did for me. I came out later in life too. Personally I haven't found live action porn that I like that much. I mostly stick to erotica, art, or fantasy. For me fantasizing about a crush helped me become comfortable with the idea of sex. I also only imagined stuff I was comfortable with (which at times was only sensual affection) and then slowly test out new things. I didn't force anything. I would pull back if I didn't like something and allowed myself explore what I like. I allowed my sexuality to develop and bloom on it's own. So maybe take some baby steps with gay sex? Maybe stick with more sensual videos, guys making out and caressing each other? Perhaps use your imagination instead, think about a crush or celebrity.

 

Gay porn is very formulaic and the "routines" the guys go through are very predictable so I tend to find it pretty uninteresting unless there is some sense of true connection or passion between the men.

 

Also, porn, sex and relationships can tend to be separate things.

 

Reading all the responses, I have to say rather sheepishly that the only thing about straight porn that ever turned me on was imagining I was on the receiving end of whatever the guy was doing. As a teen in the 1970's there was a series of gay romance type novels that I would read surreptitiously in bookstores, and I vividly remember a book by a supposed ex-hooker about assorted ways to please a man that I read cover to cover without it ever really registering that I was totally imagining myself being the one pleasing the man. Even when I was married--and I was perfectly fine with the straight sex, until our relationship started getting ugly--I imagined having a sort of male "best friend" that I would have fun with. {Sometimes it seems to me that my closet was more like a screened porch....) The first time my guy and I had sex, I was over 50 and terribly nervous but did just about everything imaginable without a second thought, and enjoyed every second. If I had grown up with some degree of self-esteem and had not been so very much in love with the idea of having kids and being accepted as a normal guy, instead of the chubby, shy, overthinking weirdo that I was, I would have probably been a terrible slut! But the truth is that male or female, I have always had to be very comfortable with someone, and care very deeply with them, to have sex with them, and my closet was more about wanting a family, and blending in with other guys instead of being awkwardly different, than about avoiding being gay. So coming out and gay sex were not much of a stretch, because they were never far from the surface anyhow.

 

I came out as bi to myself at 45. I have never really thought of gay sex as strange, due to some experiences when I was younger. However, watch all kinds of porn, straight, lesbian, bi. I just like watching people Havesex I guess

 

How did you come to the conclusion that you're gay? I ask because for me it was that certain guys always caught my attention and women didn't. I liked certain aspects of guys' faces, their masculine muscles/bodies, arm and leg hair and just something about their personalities that women don't have to interest me. Those qualities I'm attracted to are what I look for in porn or even just pics of guys, naked or not. When you say gay sex I'm assuming anal, but maybe you could clarify that. There are lots of other ways guys get off together. I really like frottage, dick to dick, cuddling and stuff like that. I like solo pics too, just enjoying what I like about the guy's face and body. Gay porn doesn't have to include two or more guys to be hot for me. If I'm not attracted to the guys it doesn't matter what they're doing, I'll move on to another gallery. I dunno, just some ideas of what works for me.

All I remember about straight porn was not liking the big areolas, nipples and long hair on the women. I can't imagine oral sex on a woman either so yea, straight porn is a no go for me.

 

While my first experience with gay sex was clumsy and a little awkward it was the most liberating, sensual, erotic experience of my life. Prior I would not have thought it could be so much better that straight sex but was I wrong. Once you experience the intimate connection with another man there is no holding back nor going back. That first time for me changed my entire life for the better.

 

Oh, I read that book too: “The Happy Hooker”, I believe was the title. It was very fun to read!

 

Well regarding the straight porn my experience is the same. I watched my first ever porn with many of my friends when I was in my masters and lived in the boys hostel. All the boys planned for a porn show and I joined with sell of them. The moment the first scene started I was turned on and aroused like anything. But without an erection. I was having an intense feeling of pleasure but my dick drooping low. And I realized I was enjoying as the female in the scene and not as the male doer. That entire night I remained awake imagining every scene and thinking that I was the girl with whom all this was being done...
Happy to know that you share the experience...

 

S

Since a very early age I was attracted to Adams apple on the guys, muscular biceps and hairy torsos. Similarly I always noticed that men were always deeply attracted to me. I had some gynecomastia and men always intently gazed at my chest and my girly giggling and sparkling eyes.

 

I find it curious that this thread seems all about gaging your sexuality through porn. In my very little experience with porn in the past I’ve gotten slightly turned on but it never really hit the core of me. It’s all skin to skin and each little clip is directed towards a certain person...who knows what each director had in mind for each clip? I know some straight women who watch gay male porn and I’m sure that some director is aware of that...
I really feel your everyday experience in life is what gives you the clues. If you hadn’t had gotten those clues then you probably would have never found yourself questioning. Porn is just a small glimpse of the sexual experience. It’s created by people who know nothing about you. Your sexuality is a very personal and unique part of who you are. Now that you are questioning maybe start looking out to your reactions and feelings in your everyday interactions. I personally would not put that much weight on the effect porn has on me. Just some thoughts.....