I'm willing to bet that many potential relationships never come to fruition because they died prematurely in the texting graveyard during the crucial "getting to know you stage." As an "LGBT later in life" person, I can say that dating in the modern world sucks, and text messaging as a form of communication is largely to blame. When I went to college, we had texting on cell phones (smart phones didn't exist) but most people still called each other. Why is this a problem? Because there's an unusually high rate of misunderstanding when using text messaging to truly converse with someone (conversing here means long talks, not just "what's up? Let's meet at 8pm"). I hate texting! I absolutely do. There's miscommunication with text conversations because there's no telling what tone a person has...and all the emojis in the world can't take the place of hearing a person's voice. What's worse than texts? Trying to get to know someone new (a potential date) by text. You cannot understand what's going on with the person via texting, so everyone seems flakey or just plain crazy because text conversations go up then down then missing all in a few hours. I hate that after you meet someone, exchange numbers and are generally excited about this prospect, the crucial beginnings of the "getting to know you" stage is left to texting since people find it soooo convenient. Why are people so lazy these days that they don't just call each other? It makes a world of difference in understanding what a person is like, especially in the all important "getting to know you" stage before making plans to meetup again. Can anyone relate? Can we set some ground rules with new people we meet that we shouldn't text so much and talk more instead?
Rana, There certainly have been times when texts get misinterpreted and confusion is created. And when it happens as your meeting someone it certainly is frustrating. Even now with my husband he and I sometimes need to stop each other from texting and agree to finish a topic when we are together to avoid misinterpretations. It can be very maddening at times indeed! However, net net I think texting is a great way to get to know people. So I would not write it off just because we may have a few bad experiences. With texting we can communicate more frequently than before. This allows us to get to know others faster. This is the major benefit of texting. And it's easy to forget about this when miscommunications happen. But if you weigh the benefit against the risk of a miscommunication, I think the benefit wins by miles! We can easily go back and recall conversations. At least for me this has proven very helpful. Especially when my husband says I did or did not say things, we can easily check! Ok, this is a negative as well :/ In terms of miscommunication, there certainly is a texting "language" that needs to be learned to help ensure emotions and messaging is properly communicated. When both parties understand this language, nuances are better expressed. It's obviously not the same as talking directly, but it can help minimize misunderstandings. Now, it seems like you probably had some sort of recent misunderstanding. If you did, try and brush it off. I find if I explain a message which was misunderstood due to the fog of texting, it sometimes helps to eleviate the situation as both people texting have themselves run afoul and knows what it is like. Try and take it in stride. I know it's frustrurating. Brush off whatever happened and keep pushing forward!
Hello OnTheHighway, As you said, one has to become well versed in texting in order to understand the nuances of this communication method to avoid misunderstandings. I'm certainly learning but I'm also frustrated as you can tell. Also, I love hearing a human voice. Texts make me feel lonely and less connected. That's our new world I guess.
I was thinking about the lack of actually speaking myself the other day. I rarely have phone calls any more. And I struggle to understand why a device is called a smartphone when it is barely used as a phone. Conversations are now saved for being in person for the most part, as the art of texting increases, the art of discussion will unfortunately dwindle. How odd.....
Your conversation is a joy to read and consider and think about and be prompted off comfort and convenience and of great interest. The issues raised are of great import to the challenges of communication - positives and negatives - learning and unlearning - that we all face today... and how to respond, act, engage accordingly... if briefly. I want to 'chew' a little on it, and later write. Thank you for bringing this topic to light Rana, and your responses OTH. What is good about EC, this key board taping environment for communication and contra to the short and time convenient text is we are 'engaged'. And that is good news, for which Im grateful and 'engaged' Julien
Texting, so wonderful and convenient and easy, but as you say it can be open to misinterpretation due to the lack of tone and body language. It is easier when you have a relationship with someone (rather than getting to know someone). I've found that once you are in a relationship with someone you come to understand each others texting styles, language, and can pretty much accurately get the meaning. Of course even this isn't 100% foolproof as far as preventing misinterpretation! And some kinds of conversations just really call for either phone or face to face communication. One thing about texting I find is beneficial in that I can think out my responses a bit. However, unlike with real life or phone conversation where the conversation is done and over 'gone with the wind'--texting conversations hang out forever and ever. Even if they are deleted they're lurking around on some server somewhere. I've never really gotten to know someone primarily over text, so I am not sure how I did have that experience. Still for me I think the benefits outweigh the negatives--it's just so convenient! And like others have said, I rarely get phone calls, and when I do I am almost sort of annoyed. Thinking, 'you couldn't have texted me this?'
I'm not even that old (26) but I don't like our modern dating, either. The only person I have long texting conversation with is a long distance friend who lives in a different state (we also do phone call and skype). But that makes sense, because It's not possible to meet up regularly and we want to keep our friendship active. When it comes to dating (or in person friendships), I'd prefer to meet up as soon as possible. Frequent texting is also kind of annoying for me as a more introverted person. When I meet in person, I have time to plan and recharge before and after the date. When people text me, they want my undivided attention 24/7 all day long, I can never get a break from them. It just puts me in an off mood after a while. But I sometimes do find texting more convenient too. If I get a text, I can still do other activities- hobbies, cleaning, projects, etc by taking my time to reply. If I get a call, I have to put away everything I'm doing to give you attention for hours, and sometimes that is rather inconvenient especially since I don't get to choose when I get called. But I'm also not afraid of phone calls, and find that both sides have pros and cons.
For me, i prefer texting over phone calls any day. I'm shy, I hate talking on the phone. I can't stand the amount of attention required by having to be on the phone for any length of time. It is much easier to send some texts, and as stated earlier, I can consider my responses a bit more.
I find texting very useful, but I still think we text too much and would benefit from hearing a human voice more often. Maybe we can begin to redress the balance by initiating changes ourselves? For example text someone to find out when it would be convenient to call, then call the person at the mutually agreed time?
Hey I understand where you are coming from and I don't think I should ever be the only means of communication open but I am in a similar situation to Angeluscrzy. I am shy and have anxiety and one thing I find really difficult is talking on the phone. For me text and email at the beginning of a relationship are vital in order for me to be able get to know someone a bit before I have to talk to them on the phone or meet them in real life. I think as with all aspects of personality you have to find someone that matches or compliments you and so for you that would be someone who is happy to deal more in phone calls and meet ups than messages. As with anything there are pros and cons but without texts and messengers and email I would probably still be single and in the closet.
I love texting and very rarely answer my phone. I feel like a phone call just forces awkward unnecessary small talk. So Rana its not that people are lazy it's just that they have a different communication style to you.
I certainly can't negate the convenience of texting, and of course the issue of it being better for shy people. I'm specifically referring to texting problems when you first meet someone and are trying to get to know them. I understand some people prefer text, and that's okay. I just wish that we could have more options, which I think we kind of don't have anymore as more and more people are seeing voice calls as unnecessary, but it really is necessary when first getting to know someone. I feel that people these days really don't see the utility of a phone call, or perhaps just think of texting as the same thing as a phone call (though more convenient)....and that's the problem, because it's not the same as hearing emotion in a person's voice. Hearing that emotion during a period of time when you're first getting to know someone is crucial...so much can be learned from that which is lost in text. I hope more people see that and would at least be open to it if a friend prefers it. Give it a try. It requires no more small talk than the small stuff we text back and forth, really.
Hi, I get what you mean I have sent texts that have been taken the wrong way and I am sure that I have sent texts that have been taken the wrong way. I think dating in this day and age is a nightmare, I would like to be able to chat I think you can get to know a person by tone. Not by emoji They are great and have a place but agreed not when trying to get to know a person. I myself am an older woman in a marriage that is great I love him, but I find women sexually attractive. If I was to be lucky enough to meet someone I would hate to begin it all by text. I hope you find what you are looking for and not in emojis. xx
When trying to get to know someone new I think it makes sense to talk on the phone at a certain point and there would be less chance of misunderstandings. Maybe suggest to the person calling at the point you think it makes more sense to talk. Let them know how you feel about texting. That seems reasonable to me. Maybe even put it in your profile and a like-minded person might see it and it would help with the match. I like to text before calling if it'll be a longer or unexpected call so we can mutually agree on a time that's good. I also like being able to think of a response sometimes. Other times it's just nice to "chat" back and forth throughout the day and both people can continue with whatever they're doing. I know those are different than what you're talking about. I am with you that calling can be better in the situation you're referring to.
