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Getting a haircut (if I can pull this off)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by TinyWerewolf, Aug 18, 2022.

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  1. TinyWerewolf

    TinyWerewolf
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    So I have what I would describe as 'haircut fever' at the moment. I want to cut it shorter badly. Even shoulder length would be better. I really just want to pass, I'm trying to quietly inch my way towards it without anyone realizing it. My family is extremely transphobic. I have a whole situation where I'm stuck living with them right now, and they have a lot of control over me. To get this haircut I need to make it look like something accidentally got in my long hair and can't be removed. If anyone has any ideas I would appreciate it.

    I also have some ideas for the style.

    Option 1: shoulder length

    https://google.com/imgres?imgurl=https:/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/surfer-hair-medium-side-part-curly-beard.jpg&imgrefurl=https://menshaircuts.com/surfer-hair/&docid=5Xpz9UoOO53mAM&tbnid=X3ix4xR6Qna5IM&vet=1&source=sh/x/im

    https://google.com/imgres?imgurl=https://menshaircuts.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/surfer-hair-long-curly-medium-blonde-683x1024.jpg&imgrefurl=https://menshaircuts.com/surfer-hair/&docid=5Xpz9UoOO53m&tbnid=X3ix4xR6Qna5IM&vet=1&source=sh/x/im

    Option 2: Tousled

    https://google.com/imgres?imgurl=https://www.thetrendspotter.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/Messy-hairstyles-men.jpg&imgrefurl=https:/www.thetrendspotter.net/messy-hairstyles-for-men/&docid=x314dxkCxBRjGM&tbnid=OGmYp-XhUicWGM&vet=1&source=sh/%im

    Option 3: Quiff with Shaved Lines

    The plan for this one is to get this haircut and have lines shaved in the side like the Thor Ragnarok haircut in the movie poster or something else cool I found.

    Y'all can google a blond wavy quiff, I've been hand typing these image urls out by hand because this flip phone won't paste links. The last one I was going to insert won't work since there are two spots it's unclear if something is a capital i or lowercase L. I tried typing once, not about to do that possibly four more times. And I forgot how to add polls.
     
    #1 TinyWerewolf, Aug 18, 2022
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2022
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  2. Hawk

    Hawk
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    If your family's transphobic, why don't you slowly cut your hair over time. Depending on how long your hair is now, start with a shoulder length cut because it's "easier to manage". Or you want a "light haircut for the summer". Going too short too fast probably won't get you your desired result with your family, especially if you tried coming out to them already.
     
    #2 Hawk, Aug 18, 2022
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  3. TinyWerewolf

    TinyWerewolf
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    I wondered if doing this would be the better option just until I can move out. I honestly want to cut it short again, but we'll see how long that placates my dysphoria.

    PS: sorry only one of the links would work, I tried. If y'all google the option titles you can get an idea kind of.
     
    #3 TinyWerewolf, Aug 18, 2022
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  4. DragonChaser

    DragonChaser
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    I know you've wanted this for a while, and we've talked at length about it, so all I'm going to say is that you deserve to have the style you want. I think easing into it, as was suggested, may be the best way to go, but I hope you find your way to it soon and it gives you all the confidence and joy you wanted from it!

    Sending love! :smiley_cat:
     
    #4 DragonChaser, Aug 18, 2022
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  5. TinyWerewolf

    TinyWerewolf
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    Thank you, Lydia! I really want to go for one of the shorter cuts, but it might be safer that way.
     
    #5 TinyWerewolf, Aug 18, 2022
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  6. chicodeoro

    chicodeoro
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    Hi Jack, first question - who's paying for this haircut? If it's you, then surely you should be able to get whatever you want?

    However, I do understand the position you're in. The haircut you really want = arguments and tension in the family house. But there is, I think, a middle way of getting something that fends off your dysphoria that also doesn't look too overtly bloke-y.

    So second question - how well do you know your hairdresser? Are you able to be honest with yours about your situation? Can they keep a secret? Could you explain this dilemma (maybe without overtly coming out) to them before they start cutting and see what they suggest?

    Hair is so important to us trans folk. One of my most cherished coming-outs was to my hairdresser. I remember coming away with a big smile on my face, happy in the knowledge that she had seen me and understood. Mine has been shoulder length for a while now, since 2020. Without it, I think I would collapse into a slough of dysphoric despond.

    So anyway, good luck! Do let us know how it goes. And be brave - don't get a cut you really don't want to keep the peace. It's your hair, and however difficult it is at present, your life!

    Big hugs, Beth x
     
    #6 chicodeoro, Aug 19, 2022
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  7. TinyWerewolf

    TinyWerewolf
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    It would likely just be me paying for it and attending if I scheduled it this upcoming weekend or week. If it's after that, then my mom would go with me. I know I'm getting it bleached again when I schedule it, I like being blond (aside from the occasional joke).

    To answer your second question, all the one's I've been to in this area likely wouldn't accept me. The the things I've heard them say about people like me... also transphobic. I think when I had my hair short in college there was even a rumor going around town that I might be a lesbian when I came back. I honestly want to schedule it where I cut it short the first time, but my mom would flip. The one I'm going to try schedule it with would talk about me the minute I left probably. The other I'm considering is definitely transphobic, while I like her as a person otherwise I've had to sit through more than a few uncomfortable conversations on the topic. I've avoided going for those reasons for as long as I can, I didn't even care if my roots were showing if it meant avoiding that. Now it's driving me crazy.

    The only reasons I'm considering keeping the peace are as follows: so I can still see my nieces and nephew again, keep my phone and car keys, and don't have to deal with so much fighting and religious bigotry.
    I went back in the closet for these same reasons. If I get the haircut I wanted most out of these, they will assume they haven't succeeded in turning me into "who God created me to be" (straight/cis in their mind, which I let them think they have). All of those things will disappear, and I'd do anything for my sister's kids- I bite my tongue around them when I want to come out just so my sister won't keep me from seeing them again. Not seeing the kids hurt me so much, it hurt the worst out of everything my family has done. I am so ready to get to a point where I don't feel dysphoric, but if I don't make a compromise somewhere this may have serious consequences. I have to consider them carefully, but I'm growing increasingly tired of walking on eggshells.

    I wish this could just be simple. If it were, there would be no question about which style I'd get.
     
    #7 TinyWerewolf, Aug 19, 2022
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  8. Really

    Really
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    Is your hair potentially long enough to donate to a charity doing wigs for cancer patients and others with ailments that cause them to lose their hair? (Even if it isn’t, they won’t know.) Maybe print out some of their material and read it in front of your family. Make brief comments about how this is such a great thing people can do for others. And then one day, cut off your ponytail and go into a salon/barber shop to get it “fixed” by a professional. I honestly can’t believe people would be against someone helping cancer patients and if they have a problem, ask them if they’re seriously against helping those in need. It’s hair, it’ll grow back. But in the meantime, you could look up video on how to clip your own hair to keep it short for yourself. Just a thought. Good luck!
     
    #8 Really, Aug 19, 2022
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  9. TinyWerewolf

    TinyWerewolf
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    This might be one way to placate them, and help people with cancer. It's a triple win if it works. I think they already know what Locks of Love is, so maybe they won't be too upset. I really want to just get the cut I want, that would make a massive difference in my dysphoria.

    Also sorry, Beth @chicodeoro , for the wall of text earlier. I'm just really scared of how they'll react, I keep recalling how they did last time and it sucked. I want to follow your advice, because like you said, it is my life.
     
    #9 TinyWerewolf, Aug 19, 2022
  10. Mirko

    Mirko
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    I think easing into it, which I see as being the middle ground as was suggested, would likely be the best way to address your needs, feeling comfortable with yourself, having the sense that you are making progress, while also ensuring that you are not getting into arguments or drawn into a conversation with your family that might leave you feeling with a setback rather than having moved forward.

    Sometimes, the smallest steps are the largest ones you can make as you are addressing your own needs, but also allow others the time to adjust without receiving a negative response. Given the circumstances you are facing, it might be good to use this to aid your mental health, well being. I understand it is hard, but finding the balance will likely be more beneficial in the short and long-term.






    .
     
    #10 Mirko, Aug 19, 2022
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  11. TinyWerewolf

    TinyWerewolf
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    I know this is likely what I'm going to end up doing despite wanting to immediately have it short. I just have to figure out a way to style it that will actually look more like a man. We'll see how long I can put up with the length...
     
    #11 TinyWerewolf, Aug 20, 2022
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