So I'm 23 years young and I have honestly never really had a best friend or any close friends in person my entire life. I've tried making friends countless times and it never really works out. The majority of people I have been friends with end up just using me for money, car rides, to hang out with when they have nobody else to, etc. If they don't "Need" me for something I never hear from them. It's so annoying too. It makes me feel like something is wrong with me, like I'm a bad person or something. When I'm not working I'm usually home, in my room by myself. Unless I"m with my boyfriend who I see only on weekends generally I'm alone. I look back through the years and regret so much. I don't feel like I really lived life, have had fun ya know? I guess what I'm trying to say is, does anyone have any advice on how to make friends? Cause it seems like it's so hard to make/keep genuine true friends these days.
I was just thinking about this. I'm an introvert and I don't make friends easily, and also I'm not really willing to just spend time with people "hanging out" because it bores me. But as a consequence I stay alone in my room, sometimes feeling a little lonely. The only thing I can think of to do in order to make friends would be to join a club if that's an option or find people with similar interests. Having something in common can bring people together and make it possible for deeper friendships to form. And if you have something in common then they probably will be less interested in just using you and more interested in sharing your common interest, if that makes sense. How to find those people...I'm not entirely sure. I'm in college, so there are clubs to join (I haven't yet as I'm really nervous and shy). Maybe volunteering somewhere? I'm not sure. Hope this helps somehow.
I think something that would help you would be prioritizing your own needs. It sounds like the opportunity to do this with the amount of time you have to yourself, but this also means in the way you interact with your new friends. Don't be a doormat, and consider before you become involved with something whether it's really in your best interest or are you just going along with the crowd? When you make yourself the most important to you, you will not enable yourself to be used by others. You may have to watch a lot of people walk out of your life, but realize that that place and the time will be filled with the ones that really align and are similar to who you are, not just people that are looking for favors. Make sure you get respect or walk away!
True friends are relatively rare and if you don't get out much, it's going to take a while. Clubs, organizations, etc as suggested in the early reply are my first choice. That gives you a chance to get to know something about each other without "trying" to be friends. If you're around the right people, it can just happen, sometimes when and where you don't expect it. But you have to be out there.
I know how you feel, ever since I finished high school my life has been a lonely one. I've either had friends who only hanged out with me when convenient or people who are just acquaintances. For the most part I have no friends and too much time on my hands. Some advice I can give you is if you have a lot of time on your hands from lack of social activity you could use that to learn something new or get hobby. Easier said than done but it can lead to meeting new people and that can lead to friendship.
The problem is probably that you're not looking for friends in the right places. Most of the time, friendships stay shallow when you don't really have a lot in common. Since the people you're hanging out with don't share much with you, they usually only think to hang out when it happens to be convienience. This is not because there's something wrong with you, it's just that you don't have a lot to do together, so you never bother seeking each other out. The other issue could be that the people you know simply aren't the type to form deep relationships. Many people are happy having a bunch of people they can randomly hang out with, rather than a few close friends they hang out with often. You should seek the people who tend to form close bonds with their friends. You can usually spot these people because they tend to have more lengthy, detailed conversations with people, rather than just making casual chat about movies, etc. A possible issue on your side of things could be that you're putting on a bland act around people. If you have a tendency to feel jittery around new people, you may be closing up to compensate for your social anxiety. If you tend to present a bland, flat personality that doesn't really reflect the real you (i.e tailoring how you act according to how you think people prefer), you'll kill chances to build relationships. I would like to emphasize that you shouldn't feel like you need more friends purely because other people do. I would recommend trying to form some friendships, give it a shot, see if you like the extra attention. If not, then be happy with your own choice to have a smaller social circle. If you truly prefer to have only a few friends, there's no shame in that.
