Hi. I am a 15, almost 16 year old bisexual. I was assigned female at birth. When I was younger, I never thought too hard about my gender, except when people called me a girly-girl (I like pink, glitter, clothes, etc). Sometimes I really liked it, sometimes I didn't. I still didn't think about it too hard. As I got older, sometimes I felt like I wanted my style to be more androgynous. I cut my hair short 2 years ago and I love it. Over the past few months, i've started questioning my gender identity. Sometime I really hate my chest and curves and wear androgynous clothes, other times I want to wear pink and makeup (I know gender expression does not equal identity, for me it just seems to tie in strongly). I feel a connection to gender fluid/transgender/non-binary/etc youtubers and characters (Symptoms of Being Human, anyone?). When I first started feeling these things, I just let myself be confused and miserable. A little while ago, I started sort of seriously considering that I might not be entirely cis. I've been doing research and thinking a lot about gender stuff, and I feel a lot happier than I did before. There have also been a couple times when my gender was mistaken/hidden (using a gender neutral name for a game) that felt amazing. I just don't know if I even should be questioning. The hating my curves might come from issues with my weight. The mix of clothing styles and the short hair could be me just exploring different styles with no greater significance. Me connecting trans etc youtubers/characters may just be me enjoying the content/stories. I just don't know. I know it takes way longer than a few months to figure this stuff out. I just wish I had some semblance of an answer. Any advice/resources?
Gender expression (masculine to feminine) does not equal gender identity (male to female). I would ignore the idea of finding a label first, as that is broad and can confuse ''feelings''. Do you have any dysphoria with your female body in terms of it not matching the physical characteristics you think you should have?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't have breasts and they make me uncomfortable and unhappy. It doesn't happen super often, but when it does, unless I wear a sports bra and loose, androgynous clothes, it throws off my whole day. Beyond that, not really.
If this is an issue of expression, not identity, what are some ways I can explore a more masculine style? I would like to do things like wear men's clothes and maybe bind. I don't know if my parent would let me get those things. I don't think they would be hostile about it, but they would just say "why would you want those things?" "You're such a girly-girl!" And things like that. Also, especially with the binders, they might say it's too expensive. Is there any way I can convince them, or other ways I can express this?
Binders can also hurt you physically so perhaps getting a sports bra and wearing a camasole to flatten your breasts. Say you'd just like to try a change. It's not uncommon for people to do that. I was very feminine when younger, I'd only wear trousers if I absolutly had to (like going out in the snow) but when I got to sixth-form I almost all stopped wearing skirts and now always wear trousers. I don't hate skirts, I think they're still pretty, I just don't think they look nice on me anymore. (Enough about me, sorry) Whilst I was questioning my gender (turned out I was wrong) but I started to wear slightly more masculine, boxy clothing. Maybe start in the middle with floral mens wear. Wearing dark (black/midnight blue) nail varnish has become something of a trend amongst men, but also still feminine for a woman - not exactly masculine but depends what you can get away with. Also, don't go for plaid tops. If you have xx chromosomes trying to pass as male or a very physically feminine man you could come across as female lesbian.
