Gaydar for Guys

- Voice, a lot of gay guys (whether they say they do or don't) have a slight lisp or tone of speaking. Sometimes that lisp is overly flamboyant, sometimes it's barely noticeable.
- Way of speaking, some gay guys are just overly flamboyant both vocally and in mannerisms.
- Hair patted down and parted to the side. This is the kind of cut you'd only see emo teens, rock stars, and gay guys walking around with.
- Limp wrist, now this may be overly flamboyant or just very subtle. Straight guys usually try to act all butch and strong. Gay guys usually ease up, more than straight guys, to the point that some mannerisms could be seen (be the observant) as feminine.
- Lighter, once again with straight guys wanting to seem all butch - gay guys are more relaxed and come off nicer or sweeter than the average nice straight guy. On the other hand you could have the drastically opposite of that a.k.a. the snippy gay guy lol.

Note - I'm not saying all gay guys are like this. Far from it. Hell, I'm bi - I'm nothing like this. But it's just a couple of the things I've picked up on over the years. Some guys, you can just tell are either nice or gay. I actually find that cool though.

I was at a store today, there were three average guys helping in the tech department. One of the guys stood out - he just had a certain way of carrying himself. A lot lighter and softer. The one thing that stood out most was his relaxed state - leaning over the desk, arms crossed with a limp wrist over a television package. I've never really seen a straight guy relax like that - usually leaning against something, arms folded, arms to the side, something - just this one small thing stood out lol. And if I wasn't in a hurry? I'd have tried to initiate a conversation with him to see where things went. I just knew he was too soft and light to be a "very nice guy" - but, that aspect is what would have given me the courage to go up to him.

The other time? I was at a concert, I was looking around. I saw a kind of short statue, cute, skinny guy with the hair cut I listed above. He was with a girl that he didn't seem the remote bit interested in, more like how I've seen gay guys interact with girls. That told me he was cool. We initiated eye contact and smiled. I wasn't able to find him afterwards, but I had to get my paycheck for going (extra in tv among regular attendees) and the place was packed. But that was really the first guy I felt comfortable trying to silently flirt with like that. I'd never have the guts to do that if there was even a shred of possibility that he was straight - but, seeing all those tell-tale signs told me "go for it."

Stereotyping can be your greatest friend and worst enemy depending on how it's used. For me, I use it as an indicator, as to whether a guy is safe to approach or not in that way.

 

i think you're reaching way too hard right there, breh.

honestly, gaydar does exist. can't tell you how but if you have a bunch of gay guys hitting on one guy then chances that guy is probably gay.

 

Reaching on what one exactly? I've never seen a flamboyant straight guy with a lisp that acts more so feminine than nice lol. Nice guys are usually just nice and not all of the above. Stereotypes come from somewhere. Not all gay guys are like that. But some? It's kinda obvious - the "knew all along" cases. The hair cut -- not many straight guys would dare get caught with it unless it's part of an act. Live in the straight world mostly and being more-so straight, there's just some things that stand out as particular. The store guy, unsure what exactly narrowed it down, but that arm thing on top of everything else was kinda the final "a-ha" moment. Concert guy kinda verified it back.

Gay guys are usually able to let go of maintaining any pre-conceieved notions of masculinity and just be themselves. Whereas straight guys, it's part of what draws the girls in and keeps them there. It's a competition - a lot of being the alpha dog lol. Putting on a 'show' whenever a hot girl walks past. I myself fall into that unconsciously. Whereas with other LGBT guys, I'm just able to let that guard down.

---------- Post added 16th Dec 2011 at 11:56 PM ----------

Living in two worlds basically. There's just, although it's very stereotypical thus not always accurate, very different ways of handling oneself due to social pressures or there lack of. Guys going after girls tend to always be putting on that show of being alpha dog. Even nice guys. Draw out the masculinity - hopefully bring the females in. Guard up. Size each other up. Never let that guard down. Whereas gay guys don't really have the need for that guard. As said, around some gay guys that side of me vanishes. Not that I become flamboyant, I just - (this will sound wrong) don't feel the need to compete and thus can become more vulnerable. Like a weight lifted off due to not being in the presence of a potential cock-blocker lol. That difference, however slight it may be, is how I mainly pick up on very small nuances.

 

i'm going to put it like this for you. out of all the gay guys that i've seen and ran into, very few exactly match the stereotypes that you mentioned and you can't go by those characteristics such as lisp and the way they move their arms because there's tons of guys that i've seen that do the same thing and they are straight as an arrow. you would think so and so is gay but it turns out that he is as straight as can be. what i'm saying is you don't know if someone is gay unless they say so or they pretty much put it outthere in their own way. there's straight guys i seen wear their earring in their right ear, there's straight guys i seen wear purple and pink, there's straight guys i seen wear clothes with multicolors or rainbows on it, there's straight guys i've seen talk very feminine and act it too, there's straight guys i seen with haircuts that look funny, there's straight guys i've seen wearing very tight clothes and the whole nine. there's gay guys i've seen that you wouldn't be able to tell that they're gay. the only way you can tell is if they give you that look as if they're saying "i'm gay".

i know that if you were to have a conversation with me, you wouldn't be able to tell that i'm gay but then again, i've set off many gay guys gaydars so that might not be true.

 

Thus, as I stressed - not always the case - but I still bet it's hard pressed to find more flamboyant straight guys than gay guys. Also those other stereotypical things you've stated - shirts, clothing, hair, etc. - I beyond agree with... except for that one particular cut I mentioned which I have yet to see a straight guy (who wasn't involved with a band) have. Reason being if you act in such a way which makes a lot of guys question, you're gonna make a lot of girls question, and when the goal is to land a touch down? That's not exactly the way to go about it. Something guys who like girls (all my friends, partly me) take into account. You want girls to think you're available to them.

 

I think that the classic gay signs dont apply anymore.
I mean my sister husband (apperently straight) is/acts gay and much gayer then me(im not out , but I dont think I would change anything on my acting) , he likes girly colors , flowers , parfumes.The way he talks and looks at other guys , its just gay.
He likes to hug 24/7 , if I would let him he would probebly sleep at the same bed with me all the time.
And he is straight.
Time has changed ,gays are straighter then straight people

 

Well, girls like guys in pink. You wouldn't believe the number of girls who wanted or tried to get me a pink shirt lol. So to me that shows more 'giving in' to get some. I think it's similar to liking guys in uniform, which I totally get lol. Flowers haven't really ever been feminine - or at least to me - since I naturally associate that to Hawaii or surfer culture, etc. Personal hygiene anyone uses to attract a mate. Hugs and even kissing, again - it all depends on how one was raised and the culture from which they come from. Strong conservative Italian men are the greatest example of this.

The sleep in the same bed part is odd though... most guys I know only do that if we have to. I don't really know a straight guy that asks if he can sleep with other guys... add to that the nature of interaction with other guys (looks at? (unless you just mean looks interested in what the other is saying?))? Raises a couple questions.

I don't know how to explain how I see it exactly in a way that makes sense, lol. Just living in two different 'worlds' - I can usually just tell the difference of who I'm around.

 

I guess I didnt explain my self good enough
With girly colors I mean that just him likes them , he allways notices them and says how nice they look , my sister isnt girly she likes dark colors and im sure she cant make him like those colors.
No , flowers on them self arent gay but he likes them on sheets , wallpapers , cloths , maybe it isnt gay but sounds like that to me.
Yeah of course hygiene is importent , I like parphumes too for the first 5 mins , before I get headache but he even buys cendels with different smells.
Hugs , of course we like to hug , but not that often and not with my sister husband.
Once they were at my room talking and I went in to take something and I found him playing with my sister scarf, watching himselft in the mirror and kind of sppining around.
And Im not the only one noticing these things

Man , I just hope he is straight.

And he is a hairdresser

 

I... never thought of it... but somehow, I just seem to know. I think it probably is the way they look at people. I totally agree with the eye thing.

(This is coming from earlier in the week when a kid from my dorm's brother was around, and I was introduced to him, and before he even spoke I somehow just took it for granted he was gay when I saw him. Even WHEN he spoke there was no indication, and the way he carried himself was nothing special... But I asked my floormate later and he was like :icon_eek: NOBODY EVER FIGURES HIM OUT!!) So, I don't know... I say go with the gut...

 

Dude, I don't want to worry you but not only straight guys have wives. I mean this in the best way possible, you should keep a close eye on him. It could be nothing. But where you mentioned the way he looks at other guys and liking to lay with other men? That adds a lot more to the possibility that he is gay or at least bi. Just that mixed with everything else? Could be a sign... Hair dresser isn't really a gay thing either since some of the most masculine of men are barbers - it may have even been purely a guy job at some point too, unsure how it started. But if it was my sister? I'd try to find out for sure. If he is bi, just leave it alone - kinda private, unsure if I'll even tell my future wife. If he is gay, I'd say your confidential support at first may ease the tension that could come from it. Basically all depends on what you meant by "The way he talks and looks at other guys , its just gay... if I would let him he would probebly sleep at the same bed with me all the time." That's the red flag.

 

The eyes. But not for the twinkle. Just check their eyes carefully, and if they're gay, usually even when in denial, their eyes will occasionally flick towards other men. Easy.

 

I have gaydar. It's horrible though, and Im not obviously gay either. Thats why you send your friend thats a cute girl to find out. lol. well she does without asking if I want her to, but otherwise they have to be feminine for me to notice. But then I am not usually attracted to them.

 

well, speaking of gaydar. i think gaydar is creepy. very creepy. yesterday, there was a man who was probably in his 30s or 40s that came into my job with his two kids. he seemed like a cool guy but after talking with him for a second or two, something striked me about him. he was cute, i guess. his voice sounded a bit girly and he acted very weird around his children. kind of like he was very, very soft with them as if he was scared to tell his kids to calm down. then i talked to him again and then a thought just raced across my head about him where i thought any minute he was going to just say "hi, honey. i'm gay". he seemed like a closeted guy. i actually felt bad for him because i was like "wow, this guy has two small kids and he might be gay". i imagine he has a wife and he's probably going through the same thing i'm going through but then i thought to myself for a second, what if he's straight and i'm just wrong.

but back to the main point, i think it's sort of creepy to basically intrude into someone's mind and for that matter, privacy like that. i think gaydar is basically outing someone.

 

Id say put him in a situation where his attention is drawn towards a guy and a girl (together), and see which one he actually pays more attention to.

Theres this guy in my best female friend's dorm who bumped into a couple times earlier this week. I gave a few of the signs thatve been mentioned, but they were subtle-ish and as people have said, sometimes straight guys act the same way. Anyhow, later on, that same female friend and I were leaving campus in her car. She goes to turn the key, and the car makes this terrible scartching noise. It just so happens this kid was walking by at the moment so he spins around and looks when he hears this awful noise. Now he lives on her floor, so hes sure to have bumped into her more times than to me, AND she was the one in the drivers seat. But his eye contact was directly on me instead.

Ok, I know it sounds like I'm just bragging about a cute guy makin' eyes at me now. And that's probably partly true :icon_bigg But I think it works as a general rule too: if you dont notice who he looks at on your own, give him a reason to pick between looking at a guy and a girl and he still picks the guy, the might be interested. You might hae to make yourself look a little silly to do it, but then, it might be worth it

 

While I agree. On the other hand I think it's mostly just gay or bi guys that pick up on it. And in a society where it's hard to tell - it would be beyond awkward to make a move on anyone straight - it helps to try to make sure you are flirting/interacting with someone like you. Or that's how I view it. Now straight people using it to red flag us - that would be creepy... like a mutant registration type act rather than a Cerebro mutants finding mutants type thing lol.

 

And add to that the lack of flick towards women.

I seem to be good in recognizing gay people. Unfortunately, Croatian society is just not accepting enough and I can't get a good calibration I mean, there's usually no way to check if I am right.

 

I think it's just kind of a feeling you get, you know, like, they may be more feminine than other guys, check other guys out, stuff like that

 

that he has a penis in his mouth?

 

that test is 95% accurate!

 

Also, gay men are conditioned not to be able to use the Dewey Decimal System.