Gay relationships? Do they last?

Feelindown - I didn't say this in my last post, but I'll say it now.

It doesn't matter where you are - a hot and sweaty night club or an LGBT gardening club - your ATTITUDE is going to ensure that you don't find a boyfriend. If you don't believe it's ever going to happen, then it isn't going to happen. And more importantly, people aren't attracted to negative, cynical people.

So if you're engaging with people in real life the same way you're engaging with people here, then I'd agree with you - there's really no hope in you developing a long term meanlingful relationship.

 

hey guys. i wish you all the best. i am not understood on here and that's ok. i wont post anymore and deal with things on my own. have a great life. goodbye.

 

*******
hi chip,

since you failed to take me up on my request to Private Message me with any future comments, i will address a couple of things you wrote above that are incorrect.

1. I do not flirt with anything that moves and I have never said that. I am very selective on what and who I flirt with.

2. I never said that younger people are not interested in me. I did say that many people have age cut off that end at 35. In my own personal experience, younger people are very attracted to me and over 98% of all flirts I get are from people younger than I am.

3. i never said i only look for people in bars, clubs, or online. i said i have looked for people there and also have looked for people everywhere I go (malls, stores, musuems). I am not on a hunt but i do keep my eyes open for someone that I might find interesting and appears to also seem interested in me. This is not to suggest that I'm flirting with everything that walks...as your sweeping generalizations suggest.

4. i have no problem attracting people. i do have a problem attracting people i am interested in.

5. regarding your comments about the hookups and the lbgt center. i won't even go there. i do not have the mental stamina to waste energy on that circular discussion. again, you have a belief system that you seem to agree with and that feels right to you. wonderful, terrific. i don't particularly share it. let's agree to disagree.

again, should you want more dialogue on this topic or any others, feel free to Private Message me. Until then, I shall keep my so-called cynical comments to myself. I do think that there's a practice of bashing and debating with people and posters that do not drink the koolaid or that do not think that what you are saying depicts a balanced view of reality. that should not be the case. a true forum should be able to have a diverse offering of ideas and thoughts and not all of them are going to support what you want people to believe. i accept the fact that my view points on some topics are far from balanced. however, i own that and realize it's not a fit for everyone. hopefully you can feel the same regarding your views. at any rate, best wishes and please no more dialogue on this. thank you.

 

feelindown, I have to say, you have kind of made an impact on the way that I think about being gay. I recently came out to a friend and he tried to get me a cure for it. Reading your post, I might just take up the cure....if that's possible...As a young gay guy, I read your argument and see that there seems to be no hope for this condition...it scares the heck out of me, though I can see how it can be true.I've seen your style of argument before, and its very convincing. thanks for the info

 

Mine's last for a while now, I've been dating the same guy since I was 15. Nothing ever gets old.

 

hello thomas, the viewpoints that i shared on based on my own personal experience and does not mean that they will be your experience at all. i do believe that there are great people out there and great experiences to be had. i do also believe that finding that is a bit more challenging than in heterosexual situations because it's just very hard to know who is who in the gay world unless you specifically ask or go to gay designated events or through referrals of other gays/or gay friendly people. the bottom line is that take whatever you read on these posts dont assume that will be your reality but also look for the truth that's being said. the reality is that there are all different types of experiences, (good, bad, in between, etc.) so wish you the best of luck. as far as the cure, you can't help who you like or are attracted to. there's no magic pill for that and disliking or hating that side of you is self destructive. good luck.

 

Well, maybe you should take a look at a divorce support forum then. Those are filled with guys who'll tell you all women are frigid, money-grubbing [CENSORED], and they'd all turn gay in a second if they could

Joking aside, and as feelindown said above: it's undeniable that there is some risk in disappointment in gay dating. It's a smaller dating pool, and some of the fish in the pond are really only in it for the quick fix instead of the long haul. And if you're running into a string of those, it's perfectly normal to feel like throwing your hands in the air and declaring it a lost cause. I don't discount those stories. I really do feel bad when I read them.

Yet: there are guys out there who want a meaningful relationship. You're one of them, for starters, and you can be sure you're not unique. Half of EC seems to chime in in threads like these on occasion, and all of the participants end up professing how they want something meaningful and long-term. Even if you might not meet the posters from here: that's againg clear proof that guys with the right mindset are out there, and it's pretty likely there are some of those where you live too. Even if all we can give is generic advice and not lists of names, addresses and phone numbers.

And while there are examples of gay couples making it work (some in this very thread), there aren't any of gay guys turning straight. Even when people claim they did, a lot of those stories ended up in them not ending up with a relationship at all, or ending up in a relationship with the opposite sex, but horribly depressed and developing addictions to drink and drugs, or of people getting married and cheating with guys occasionally on the side. Not where you want to be for sure.

So yeah even if being gay isn't all roses, there's only two things that matter here: who you fundamentally are, and whether or not you accept it. And there's only one of those you can change!

 

Hey
I just wanna say that relationships do last. Don't be discouraged. Relationships are hard work because people change and as we grow we require work so they are not easy. Most people would rather not go through such hardships or would rather go from person to person to avoid the emotional rollercoaster that relationships sometimes can take you on. But they do last and when you find love you should stick to it and try to make it work. I hope this helps you.

 

feelindown, I have had an interesting time reading your posts twice, imaginingthat they are first written by you, but then written by a single straight woman I know who can't understand why she can't find anybody. And like you, she is feeling negative about the whole dating scene.

I advise you to do what another friend of mine did. Drop out of the hunt, and focus on yourself. Do things *you* enjoy, but try to make those things with other people. Do you like sports, movies, art, cooking, travel, etc. Sign up for classes, do things that make you happy, that make you happier with yourself.

My friend did this. 20 years later, he and his partner are still happy.

It is tough for everyone. Until it's not.

 

Note that these numbers are probably lower than actuality due to limited research into this subject.
From the APA.

 

For what it is worth, my aunts are the most stable relationship in my family behind my grandparents. They have been together for 30 years. They've built a life together that is staggeringly wonderful. It is possible.

I, on the other hand, will have been married for 12 years in about three weeks. I am out now, and am looking forward to a divorce. As a kid, I lived through 3 divorces. While my marriage and its problems tie into living in the closet, such was not the case for my parents. They are both, finally, happily re-married and it looks like, for the long haul.

People, regardless of orientation, don't always get it right the first time. Open, long lasting gay relationships, I hope are on the rise as we move into an era where I hope, at least for my children's generation, people don't have to hide. Where love can take its course, and where couples can begin to think of themselves in long term, even life long, relationships.

 

One of my closest friends has come out as being gay and he is also worried about this problem. I have come in contact with many gay people that have had long lasting relationships, in fact, my uncle is gay and has been with is partner for 24 years. people generalize about the minority, you have nothing really to worry about

 

yeah they last

 

As for the bold, Lisa Lampanelli made a similar joke about being 2.5 years together for a white couple versus one of her favorite reference groups. She is merciless.

As for the underlined, I agree, and this seems to be more of an issue in urban areas or more permissive areas where there is more of a candy store attitude toward it all. Of course, there are exceptions. But, upon hearing some stories from some of my friends and acquaintances, wow ...

OP, don't let it affect you. Water seeks its own level. Every situation is different. Some people also need to sow a lot of wild oats before they get to that stage. Some less.

 

I just read that Jim Nabors married his partner (Stan) of 38 years; that one lasted, even with the pressure of being a public figure. Some do, some don't, just like with heterosexuals.

 

The Longest relationship I've had was 8 months. I told a friend of mines that and he told me that was like forever in gay years.lol I thought it was funny but never took it serious.