Gay or bisexual

It sounds like you're bi to me, or at least you're clearly attracted to women, but I'm not a man so I'm not sure how often men usually get erections... Like to me the scenarios you describe that make you aroused seem like.. A lot? I wouldn't have imagined a guy would get an erection from such little contact, but... Now I'm wondering how many guys have random erections just out in public that I'm unaware of. Either way it sounds like you're definitely turned on by women, even if you're not exactly interested in having sex with them.

I also had a gay guy friend who was very into women at times but identified as gay, he even tried to sleep with me once, but to me that doesn't make him any less gay. So it's all a spectrum!

 

I agree with PeachyGirl, it is all a spectrum, but I also might add it is a fluid spectrum in that over time it may change. With me, I am most definitely bi, but recently have shifted spectrum over more to the same sex side. I have always been attracted to both. Until about a year and a half ago, I had A LOT of self inflicted homophobia that was tearing me apart. I hated myself for liking guys too. That self destructive thinking nearly made me pay a price.

Anyway, to answer your question... only you can answer that, but my theory is that most (notice I did not say all) are bisexual to varying degrees that can scale from 99.9% straight/0.1% gay, to 50/50, 60/40, 75/25, 30/70, etc to infinity. I think that this scale is somewhat dynamic and will vary throughout your lifetime. I know it has for me. This being said, dude it is only a label and contrary to some beliefs, that label does not stick on with permanent glue. It is what you feel. Hell my best friend calls himself gay and live as a gay man, but will also diverge into straightness with me about some hot chick that has got him all in a lather. I define myself as bi because, to be crass both get me hot and bothered. I fantasize about both. For me though I desire a family type. romantic relationship with women. Hence I am married to and will stay with my wife. I also desire friendship with men, up to and including sex. Emphasis on the desire sex part.

Pick the label that you feel comfortable with and feel describes how you feel best. My best advice would be to recognize it as a label that you define, and not to let a label define you. I let the Heterosexual label define me for too many years of my life and had the internal guilt, shame, and self loathing of not being able to comply with that label internally. It is not worth it. Labels be damned! Love you you want, and if it's your thing get nasty with who you want.

 

Hi @Ivo569 , welcome to Empty Closets!

29/M/gay. I will chime in... Trying not to speak in generalities, because EVERYONE is different, but to @PeachyGirl question, for a lot of younger men, it's not that hard to get, uhhh, well... hard. I couldn't resist, I'm sorry. I look forward to your letters.

I can only speak for myself here... As far as the orientation part goes in relation to that, I've found that physical attraction doesn't necessarily equate with orientation. Maybe that sounds strange to some people? I'm not sure if I'm writing this very well. Much like Ivo, I have watched (and enjoyed) the straight pornography. If the opportunity came up, I would probably enjoy the physical activity with a woman. But I don't seek it out, and I could never see myself in, nor really want, a relationship with a woman.

Very much consider myself very gay nonetheless! I think the labels are only good if they serve you well. @Isbjorn wrote about that a lot better than I could.

 

Thanks man! You write it just fine, and not as verbose as I!

 

Agreed with the above, generally speaking, a label should be a tool, not a straightjacket.

As far as what you're feeling, just go with it. It sounds like you are attracted to both so Bi might fit... One thing to remember is Bi doesn't have to mean equal or identical attraction or interest in both. As Isbjorn says, there's a whole spectrum...

 

This sounds like bisexuality to me, just perhaps with a preference for men. It could come down to your experiences, as well. Have you ever had the opportunity to be with another guy, or if you have, has it been limited compared to women?

There can be any number of contributing factors to the disparity in your attractions/reactions between the sexes, but what seems clear to me is that your attraction to both does exist.

 

Very thoughtful and well put. I have had attractions and reactions to women as well. But like you say, it doesn’t make me any less gay.

 

This is quite interesting to me. I have not had the same experience. I think I am gay but am not out yet. I cannot look at any kind of straight porn and get aroused and certainly would not get aroused from a mere touch from a woman as you describe. Of course it’s up to you how you indenting but it appears you’re probably bisexual but with a tilt towards men. I’m sure you could perform with women but may not enjoy it as much. Maybe give both a try?

 

This is a very interesting topic. I'm struggling with kinda the opposite. I'm married to a woman who I am in love with, and very attracted to. But aside from her, all of my thoughts, fantasies and desires are men only. I'm aroused by everything about my wife but other than that, men only. Straight porn doesn't work at all for me either.

 

I used to, but not anything as strong as when I look at men

 

It's something that shifted for me a lot in the last year. I've never been with a man but it's all I think about. But there's a lot of things I look back on that were definitely signs that I like men.

 

I used to find other women sexually attractive. But I've realized when it came to physical features I always admired a big butt but looking back and comparing to now, I realize I always wanted my butt to look like that.

 

It shifted because there was always an interest in women and little to no interest in men. But now it's completely flipped.