Gay dads!!!

I'm not sure you should come out to your wife Jimm. Obviously I don't know her and could be way off base. Is there a chance that she will be able to come to terms with this? If the relationship is that bad between you your idea to simply divorce without revealing any sexuality issues may be the best option.

 

WARNING: Women like to talk to people. It's unrealistic (and a little cruel) to expect she won't.

I've seen this mentioned in other gay-men threads: they assume she'll react with the same internalizing a man does and are shocked and upset when she immediately tells other people.

They see it as a betrayal, but really it's just the way a lot of women process things. (Obviously this is a generalization but it's often true.)

That being said, she sounds like a huge bitch so do what you want and don't think of her feelings too much. Just be aware that she'll tell people, cause she will.

 

^^this

 

I also agree with this 100%.

 

Hell, my ex told her mom and some siblings and two people she works with, and god only knows who else. Fortunately I have a broken "give a damn" so it didn't matter much anyway.

 

ALL of that is stuff I felt very strongly about as well. Trying so hard to do all the things I felt I was supposed to do as "the man of the house". I worried constantly over things changing and being hard on the girls, but thru talking to them I found out that more than anything, they just want me happy. If the relationship comes to the point of feeling toxic, that's not healthy for anyone involved and especially not the kids. They *will* sense that stuff, they're more perceptive than we sometimes give them credit for.
I also started questioning myself every time we would have our bad arguments, if all of it was cuz this is just not the kind of relationship I'm meant to be in.
I've tried and done all that I have felt I need to do to be a good dad and provider yet lost my own self along the way. Since splitting tho, my kids have commented on how much calmer I seem, and how they can see I am taking better care of myself and stuff.
I know all of this is hard as hell, and being a good dad you will always instinctively wanna put your kids first in everything, but I think since coming out and splitting from the relationship with their mother, that it has helped make me better for them.