So I am in my mid 30s now, married to an amazing woman that I love dearly. Always been very attracted to women since I can remember. Around puberty, i learned that I was turned on by wearing women’s underwear. Also developed an interest in anal stimulation around that time as well. While I have never looked at guys with any type of attraction, I wanted to take my anal interest to the next level and began experimenting with men. I learned very quickly that I really enjoyed receiving anal and giving oral. However, if I orgasmed, I felt disgusted with what I was doing. Over time, I continued dating women but experimenting with men. Being with a man was exhilarating, but I was still just attracted to women. Eventually the disgust feeling afterwards stop happening. Fast forward, I got married to a woman, and we have a great marriage and sex life. However, I still can’t stop thinking about sex with men. I am pretty much obsessed with the idea. I am torn because I know I’m not gay or I wouldn’t be so attracted (on all levels) to women. At the same time, I would chose to have sex with a man 100% of the time if I had a choice. Also worth noting, I have considered “pegging” and other toys, but it will never compare to the real thing. Side note, I don’t enjoy watching two men together. When I watch porn, I always find myself fantasizing that I am the woman. At first I was convinced I was gay, then bi, but I struggle with labels. Honestly don’t know anymore. I don’t know if what I am experiencing is a fetish, sexuality, or what. I guess I’m not sure what I’m asking other than sharing my struggle….just frustrating. Any suggestions, input, thoughts, etc. are welcome
Does this sound like someone straight? If a guy said "I like giving blow jobs, receiving anal intercourse, and 100% of the time I want sex its with a man"- what would think their sexuality was? This is a very common pattern with men with internalized homophobia or denial/repression. Only you can decide, but I have seen dozens of men come here, including me, and post something very similar. Once they admit to themselves they are gay: Attraction or interest in women rapidly fades They realize they do notice cute and attractive guys. They start to have strong romantic attraction to men too, even if they saiid that would never happen. Again, only you can decide, and marriage complicates things, but if you had no fear, and were in a city where you knew no one and it was super LGBTQ friendly and you saw a cute guy what would you do?
I'm not going to comment about where a person lands on this spectrum and suggest labels. I can't step into the shoes of someone I don't know. I know I definitely check out handsome masculine men. I've discussed it here and I've discussed this in therapy. The last therapist was sort of useless. The one before that was helpful. I told him I would notice guys like - I don't know - Josh Brolin types but since I'm sort of alpha only in how I plow through situations but not with all the boxes checked (don't hunt, don't watch televised sports), I didn't want to sign on the dotted line with someone like that for a lease and wouldn't want to make breakfast for them. I'm not uncomfortable with it and have had sleepovers, but that part doesn't turn my crank. It also means that if you like that type, you won't then decide you'll settle down with someone like - let's say - Chasten Buttigieg because it's time to settle down. It's confusing, but it also pretty clear. I think there's a fraction of bi men who like how they can access sex more easily and with less effort. Some of the women I've known aren't what they used to be and neither am I. However, I lose interest quickly with the dangling of the carrot and hoops to jump through. I'm not the only one. Some guys are partying it up on the side for those very reasons. It has aspects of taking care of oneself and dishonesty at the same time. Now that's confusing. Very few things are black and white. There are many gray areas and I hold that everyone's sexuality is a big asterisk. The thing is that most people don't have that kind of depth and wouldn't return that sort of thought process and analysis, and that's why my status is "some people." One of the things that hasn't been mentioned is therapy. There is some blurring here and I'm not an expert. Your situation sounds a little complex. It's fairly clear that you're on neither of the endpoints. I hope that helps a little.
Dnkb89.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBT folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. I see that you have already found the forum that is titled "Sexual Orientation”, there are people there who may have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. I don't think that anyone is 100% straight or 100% gay. We are all somewhere on that line. There are as many variations in sexuality as there are people, so while you may be a little confused, I doubt that you are alone! A label is not something that is required. For some people a label is helpful (me). I felt for many years that I didn't belong...didn't "fit" anywhere. When I finally accepted that I am and always have been gay, having that label was important to me. It meant that I did belong somewhere and that was significant to me. However, a label is not right for everybody. Some people see a label as something that restricts them...that puts them in a box and makes them uncomfortable. So you need to decide what works for you and don't feel "forced" to have a label if it makes you uncomfortable. It does sound like you may be Bi...but you are the only one who can make that decision. To be honest, there are people who are somewhat "fluid". Their orientation tends to change somewhat from time to time. You could be experiencing a bit of that also. Sometimes the best way to find out more is to just let time go by. Situations can at times become more clear after a period of time and more experiences have occurred. One thing that you need to remember is that you are a part of our LGBTQ Family...and we do care! Please keep us updated on how things continue to unfold! Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message. .....David
