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Frustrated... pandemic is making things harder

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by CatWho, Jul 1, 2020.

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  1. CatWho

    CatWho
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    This week I'm kind of feeling a bit overwhelmed and frustrated. My year started pretty good. I've finally accepted that I'm gay and started dating in February. I met a woman (let's call her Sam to make it easier to write about her) that I really like and have been seeing her for almost 5 months now. I came out to a few close friends and felt great about it. I started doing crossfit and feeling good about myself and more healthy. I was looking forward to the spring/summer so I can join an lgbt hiking or kayaking group to make some new friends. I was building up the courage to go to my first pride event (alone if i had to). And after years of getting myself to this point, a freaking pandemic happens!

    I've been working from home, so haven't even seen people at work. Sam is the only person I've seen and spoken to regularly/consistently over the last 5 months.

    Sam told me from the beginning that she only wanted something casual. I kind of felt like it was fine because I was just coming out and I just met her, so who knows what will happen or how I'll feel. Quarantine started here about a month into our dating. We still saw each other a 2-3 days a week, but just didn't go out. We text every day and tell each other what we are doing each day. While I know and always keep in mind that she said she only wanted a casual relationship, it feels like more than that to me. I really like her and am trying to just keep spending time with her and get to know each other better. Now that things are opening up though, she is doing things with her friends more. This isn't and shouldn't be a big deal. I mean, I really miss seeing and doing things with other people too. and know that is healthy for any relationship. The thing is, I don't have other friends to do stuff with regularly. My friends either have families or significant others that they are focused on and/or just aren't having any get togethers because of the pandemic. And, again, I haven't had the opportunity to meet new people with the pandemic.

    I'm a bit frustrated with my friends for not being there for me more. I feel a bit pushed aside by Sam, now that she has all these other things to do (after spending so much time together when there was nothing else she could do). I'm not sure that is what is happening, but I feel really sensitive about it and don't want to come off as needy as a result of it.

    I guess I feel like when things are going really well, something (in this case the pandemic) comes along and ruins your plans and shoves you back. It's really made everything harder. I know I'm babbling a bit, but 'm feeling kind of down tonight and really needed to vent. Thanks for listening EC!
     
    #1 CatWho, Jul 1, 2020
  2. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    Hi @CatWho

    I think everyone is feeling a little (or a lot) frustrated due to the pandemic. It’s holding a lot of people back in one way or another. I’ve been working from home too and would normally be working in an office, so I’m also feeling a bit isolated.

    With regards to your friends, could you try to organise something? It might not be a regular thing, but having something planned in might help to ease some of your frustrations.

    I think your expectations of your relationship with the woman that you’re dating is a key issue here. Maybe have a think about whether a causal relationship is really what you want. The pandemic has probably made things seem and feel worse, but she did say that she wanted something casual at the outset, so I don’t think the situation can be entirely blamed on the coronavirus and you might have been facing the same issue regardless.

    Did you plan how you were going to meet new people? Maybe you could use the free time that you have to research local social groups. My lesbian group has still been communicating online and have a virtual meeting planned, so maybe you could find something like that?
     
    #2 LostInDaydreams, Jul 2, 2020
  3. Aspen

    Aspen
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    You’re not alone in feeling this way. I think we all had plans for this year—whether it was to get out more and make new friends, or looking forward to an annual convention—and now it feels like 2020 will be the year the whole world ground to a halt. I wanted to pick up archery again at a local range. My wife wanted to go to a renaissance fair. My cousin’s baby shower is next month and I can’t go. My other cousin’s wedding is in October and I probably can’t attend that either. I know you may not want to hear this, but the pandemic isn’t over and the more people act like it is, the more they’re putting themselves and everyone around them at risk.

    I’m proud of you for accepting your sexuality, putting yourself out there, and coming out! Those are huge steps and give yourself credit for that! It’s worth celebrating the steps that you are taking, especially right now when so many things we want to be doing are off the table.

    It sounds like you really started to rely on Sam during the quarantine, and now that she’s spending time away from you, you feel left out and lonely. That’s perfectly natural, but is there anything that you can do to find that connection again with others, while staying safe? Perhaps you could join an online group dedicated to a hobby of yours? Perhaps you could reach out to old friends that you haven’t spoken to in a while? Perhaps you could go on a safe hike on your own, to be around people while still keeping to social distancing?
     
    #3 Aspen, Jul 3, 2020
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