For decades, I've been drawn to the gay community. My favorite movies are about different aspects of the gay community. I'm obsessed with drag queens...who aren't all gay I realize. I volunteer for a gay organization. 3/4 of the people I follow on Instagram are gay men and a few beautiful women. I was assigned female at birth, however, I'm not opposed to being a lesbian. The only problem is that I don't want to have sex with women! I appreciate their beauty, but having sex with them does not sound appealing. I think for this reason I'm not gay. One thing that attracts me to gay people is that many of them (possibly you!) found it necessary to hide their identify because our society still doesn't accept homosexuality. Some of them have the courage to come out and be themselves as I've seen with my own friends. I want to be free like that. I've never felt accepted by society for a reason I won't get into. A friend of mine insists that I might be gay, and my family wonders. I usually trust my friend's judgment, but she's pansexual and I think she wants to be more than friends. Could I be living in deep denial? How do I know if I've tightly packed myself in the closet or if I truly am gay? Thanks for your advice.
therealjesse.....Well, the usual indicator for anyone's sexuality is the desire to be with and eventually to be intimate with someone. If that someone is consistently of the same sex as you then the obvious answer is homosexual. If not then heterosexual. Of course there are many people who are not quite that either/or about it...as you say your friend is pansexual and of course there are bisexual folks too. You've said that you have no interest in being intimate with a woman, so that eliminates one possibility. The odds that you are in such a deep denial that you actually are gay even though you are not attracted to women is quite low. You haven't said very much about your attitude towards straight men. Does the thought of being close to a man interest you? Would you consider being intimate with a man? Answers to these questions would really help work out where your sexuality lies. .....David
I've only been involved with men but I have no desire to be with a man now....not because I'm not attracted but because I'm not in the right emotional place. I appreciate you sharing your views, David. I think that because I consistently am not sexually attracted to women, I'm probably not gay. That makes the most sense to me.
We are fortunate in the LGBT community in having some awesome allies who will walk through a firestorm with us. They understand how their own freedom and equality is intricately connected to our own and once you trade the rights of one community for another you undermine the whole structure. I love and adore these people, but it doesn't mean they are LGBT themselves and we shouldn't try to pigeon hole them as such. When we do that it can become alienating. Based on what you wrote, I would say you are like the majority of people in being close to one end of the sexuality spectrum, even if you are not 100% "gold star". Yes, you can see beauty in the same sex and you can enjoy tight and intimate friendships with members of the same sex, including same sex attracted women, but none of that makes you gay or bisexual yourself. You know your feelings better than anyone else and there is no reason why you would come to a forum like this and be anything less than candid, so I don't believe you are in denial or living in the closet. You are a great ally and friend and I thank you and love you for that!
Patrick, that was beautiful!!! Thank you so much. I'm going to stop worrying about it and continue to support the LBTQ+ community as much as I can . Thank you all for being here!
