Friend Keeps Trying to Dictate my Sexuality

Hello,

I hope everyone is doing well! I'm writing this because I had a former friend that always tried to dictate my sexuality based on how I dressed, acted, etc. And honestly, it bought a lot of confusion on my part.

Long story short, I came out as bi and the journey towards that was good and bad. However, one thing that remained consistent was friends trying to tell me I'm actually straight or a lesbian and it bought a lot of confusion and hurt on my part. There was a point where I actually believed that if I settled with a guy or a girl, then I'm no longer bisexual. That I'm just posing as bi because I haven't made up my mind yet. It was that bad. Recently, I've been told that I'm pan because I expressed that I'm down to dating anyone regardless of gender but the issue is I've always felt this way. They've been adamant on telling me that I'm pan because bisexual people never have 'that line of thinking' and that bothers me a lot. That they think so badly and negatively of bi people.

I guess I need comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one. I'm bi, have always been bi and will remain bi for the rest of my life because that's the label I identify as and there's always more to my sexuality.

What about you guys? Have you experienced something like this? What are your opinions?

 

Thank you for your comment and that's a good question to ask! I think it just comes down to what I'm comfortable identifying as. I'm not opposed to listening to suggestions or guidance when it comes to questioning my sexuality, but there have been moments where my sexuality has been met with a lot of discrimination, especially in terms of my sexual/romantic experiences with others. I think it's hard for me to be more open to suggestions because I feel like my sexuality as a bisexual person has come under plenty scrutiny and it's become harder to tell if it's just plain biphobia or if it's actually useful.

Looking back at it now, sometimes I feel like it's my fault? With some friends, I don't talk about my interests in girls because I know that it makes them uncomfortable but maybe that's something I need to reconsider as well. Sometimes, I feel like if I just act like this then my sexuality as a bi woman will be strongly validated, you know?

 

Thank you so much for your advice!
I was a little hesitant if this was the right thread to post because it involved my friendships but your advice has been incredibly helpful!

In terms of your advice, thank you so much for the affirmation! I stand up for myself and try my best to be respectful about their opinions as at the end of the day, being bi is my identity. I will admit that if my friends aren't comfortable with some things that I do then I panic cos my mind keeps overthinking that I'm a bad friend, etc. So when I sense discomfort in my friends when I express my bi identity, I'm stuck in this loop of 'I'm a bad friend' and 'Why can't they accept me like this?' However, reading your advice made me realise that I should actually do more to stand up for myself. I'm certain in my sexual identity thus I should be more expressive about it!

Once again, thank you for your reply!

 

Thank you so much for this! That really means a lot! I'm currently in a hetero relationship and there have been moments where I've doubted my sexuality just from what I've experienced. My partner is incredibly supportive, understands me and engages in conversations about my experiences of being bi and the shitty comments that came along with it. And you're right. I should live it. Live my identity because it's who I am. I do worry that I may be pushing people's boundaries with the way I express my identity, but you're right. This is the new me. On top of that, my friends have been through a lot and have accepted aspects of myself so perhaps, this might be me overthinking things as well. It took a while for them to settle with aspects with myself and I, them so this is another aspect that'll take a while to settle.