lol..thanks...i think it will be ok. he wrote back again, and he started sharing more with me, stuff like he never wants to feel vulnerable, and he is taking it slow with this new girlfriend, stuff he wouldnt have shared a year ago. So i think we will be good. I have no way of explaining how much of a relief it is to have the single most important friend in your life start to talk to you again on that same level, i am about to cry. I know i have a long way to go, because i am still pretty messed up in my head, and trying to figure shit out, but i definitely feel better. so thanks. I just hope i can ride this high through the enevitable low that is lurking.
>>>any interpretations on this response? He sounds a bit like a friend of mine. Not sexually - he's straight as I-70 through Kansas - but in his rather lofty way of speaking. My friend...how to put this? Especially so as not to diss your friend, which isn't my intent? My fried often puts forth this aura of being almost overly-burdened with his understanding of self and human nature. He occasionally lets the seams show, and ends up sounding a bit patronizing, as if to say "Oh, I know you THINK you're happy, but were you as wise as me, you'd realize how unhappy you really are." And yeah, he's mopey a lot of the time. I don't know if your friend is like this or not, but that's the sort of read I got. And yeah, may as well tackle this one. I have come to see life as a very fickle thing where nothing is so well defined as straight, bi-sexual or gay. I feel most people; especially most "gay" people would disagree with me; but it is my perspective. And yeah, this gay person is going to disagree. Because the terms straight, bisexual, and gay are extremely well-defined. If you dig the opposite sex, you're straight. If you dig the same sex, you're gay. If you dig both, you're bisexual. One might argue where the boundaries are, of course. If I suddenly find a woman really hot, or have a one-night stand with one, do I have to change my vote to "bisexual"? But that tends to be nitpicking, I think. These aren't supposed to be biological classifications. They are - and I know how much people hate this term - labels. But I don't have a problem with labels like this. Because the problem isn't with the label - it's with whatever baggage people associate with them. Quick example. I'm a Coloradan. That's a label. It MEANS I'm from Colorado. That's it. But it has some baggage with it. Many people will assume that, as I'm a Coloradan, I'm a Bronco fan, or a great skier, or a health food freak. All incorrect, as it turns out. It may be true of some Coloradans, but not all. Similarly, I'm gay. That's a label. It MEANS I dig guys. That's it. But it has some baggage with it. Many people will assume that, as a homosexual, I have a high pitched voice, I love Project Runway, and I listen to disco a lot. (As it turns out, one out of three. I DO like disco.) See, the label isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's meant to convey a piece of information. People might assume past that bit of information, but that's not the fault of the label. That's the fault of people liking to put things into groups, and say "All items in THIS group share THIS trait", even thought, as people, we're not very good at falling into easily-defined categories. Back to your friend. It's not uncommon for guys in the closet to toss this up as a defense. "Why do you feel the need to label me? Why can't I just be ME?" Well, you can. But hey, it's nice to know what you're interested in, you know? If someone asks, "Hey, do you like hip-hop?", people don't get all weirded out and say "Why are you trying to label me?" They just say "Yeah" or "Not really" or "Kinda". It's only when asked "Hey, do you like guys?" that they suddenly get on the defensive. And I think there's a reason for it. They fear the baggage. Or, perhaps, they fear having to face the fact that maybe they ARE gay. Because that would mean dropping THEIR preconceived notions are of what gay is. Because if they didn't have any, they wouldn't fear the label, now, would they? Lex
ok Lex, for the first time i am going to disagree (shocker eh, am i growing up?) I think all he is saying is that no one is defined by who they are attracted to sexually, and to Label that is to define it. (stay with me, its my philosophy degree at work). he is saying that is just people, and you dont love some one for their sex, or sexuality or anything of that nature, you just love for love sake. Its a very Zen concept, which strips things of there material and physical properties, and holds them into great esteem as emotional and spiritual entities. Sorry if you disagree, but i am pretty sure thats where he is coming from. He isnt even remotely "mopey", as a matter of fact id say he is exactly what my mood says right now..."pensive." he is a deep philosophical thinker, much like my self. Do we over analyze things? shit yeah, but you cant generalize someone by whats churning in there head, so i pretty much agree with him, but i do take what you say for face value, in that labels are there for a reason, etc. But i think i believe more so in the interconnectiveness of human kind beyond classification. It is after all what makes us humans, other wise we would just be a bunch of gay, straight, or bisexual monkeys ...love ya lex, no offense intended
lol...no man you got the life skills. You could dance circles around me. (but give some time, i am new to this gay thing :icon_bigg) i got the degrees in bio, chem, and philosophy, but i am still a wreck in the head because i philososize too much...but i am one hell of a jeopardy player, and quite the conversationalist around a bong fire..i mean bonfire :eusa_naug
i graduated in four years, but my degrees arent complete, just minors in chem and philosophy, BS in bio. i just like to sound smarter than i am. minute left in the Gonzaga St Mary's game, let us all say a prayer for GU
It seems like coming out can bring you closer to friends sometimes, although it's sometimes the opposite. Not long ago I came out to a buddy of mine who's serving in Iraq, so I did it via IM. We were best friends in high school and sort of grew apart, but after I told him that he started opening up to me and told me some personal stuff that only his wife knows. Anyways it's just nice when it makes your friendships stronger. He was even asking me real personal stuff about being gay because I told him not to hesitate. Asking if I'm an ass man, what type of guys I like etc, haha very weird conversation but so fucking liberating. :lol:
i bet. I am not to that point yet, but i got some friends that if i did tell them i am sure they would be like that. Iraq scares the hell out of me man. My little brother just got married and moved down here and he is in the MArine corp, and he gets shipped out next month. I am pretty worried for him. I would love to tell him before he goes, but thats just too soon. But i am already a wreck, i cant imagine what i will feel like when he is over there. See my family has a lot of kids, but myself, my little bro, and my older bro (20 months older) are all way closer then the rest of the kids, so yeah. I do hope to have those kind of conversations with friends some day:icon_bigg, but until i am ok with it, i will just talk to EC about what guys are hot :icon_redf
Yeah I definitely felt awkward answering some questions but since he's only asking via internet I can force myself to answer, lol. They say if you act comfortable with it, the people you tell are a lot more likely to be comfortable with it, so I try and keep that in mind. I do have to word my answers certain ways though so it doesn't come across real forward (read: gay), that's just how I operate. I couldn't directly say "yes, I am an ass man" it ended up being something like "yeah I guess so, but maybe I'm just envious because I don't really have much of an ass" :icon_redf
Yeah, lol. That was good, because my natural instinct would be to say "oh, sure you do, your ass is great." so now the attention is on your ass and not the awkwardness. lol. but seriously, i hear you on the email thing, its so much easier to say things, makes me feel a bit like a coward, but also makes me that much more impressed with people back in the day that had no email and lived in a way less tolerant society.
Seriously I can't imagine even 20 years ago when attitudes were way worse than they are now. I mean we're pretty lucky because equality for gay people is at least in sight. The idea of gay marriage must have seemed like a ridiculous and unrealistic idea in the 50s. And I couldn't imagine not having the internet as a resource to help me out. It's so tough to get support about being gay especially when you beat yourself up over it that finding having websites like this one are a godsend. And telling someone face to face is STILL terrifying to me =(
yeah, I am thinking of telling my best friend tomorrow, i suspect he knows because we always crack jokes, and he actually straight up asked me on his bachelor party. He was like "you like boys dont ya?" not even a little? naturally i said shut up youre drunk. so i know he wont care, but for some reason i get super freakin psyched out. like today when i was waiting for my buddies email reply, i kept like tightening up everytime my phone blinked.
Yeah when I told another friend online I could only do it cause he was in Afghanistan (literally half my guy friends are in the military) and I wouldn't have to see him for a while. I kinda built it up, typed "im gay", hit enter, then ran downstairs and paced in the kitchen for like 2 minutes before approaching my computer. I was also shaking for a few minutes but I was in a great mood the rest of the day because he reacted well.
Lol, I did almost the same thing. But i couldn't even type those two words "I'm gay". So i started going off on how i can't sleep at night, i lost my appetite, all i do is lay in bed till its time for work, and described all that stuff. He's like whats the problem. I told him i haven't yet been able to get the words out. So he asked if he could guess and guessed right. I was shaking so bad and i felt so sick to my stomach. Turns out one of his good friends is gay and had a similar conversation with him.
