Found my son looking at gay porn

yeah, i know what you mean. But it might make him feel a whole lot better if you tell him what you're telling me now.

You sound pretty awesome though so he'll probably be fine, i'm speaking from my experience only.

---------- Post added 15th Aug 2012 at 03:39 PM ----------

having said that, i'm thinking what i would be like in his shoes. He might be affected by it, and thinking that because that's your explicitly stated preference, that he will never be perfect in your eyes. That's a potentially haunting thought.

But yeah, you're cool. Don't take this as a criticism =)

 

Dear Condorman,

I am going to say that I would personally be proud to call you my father by the way you handled this..I have heard too many heartbreaking stories of parents blowing up and overreacting to their child's sexuality or calling it "wrong" or "unnatural". You handled all of this like a champ and don't let anyone tell you different. Yeah, you unlocked the iPod you had never seen before, so what? You had no intentions of snooping around and I'm sure you were simply trying to discover who's and it was or how it got there. I've heard of parents doing much worse and wouldn't be surprised if my parents did this, and of all my friends they are the lenient ones. Overall, props to you for being such an awesome dad.

1) The stuff on Facebook: I assume it's fine to be there. He most likely understands the implications of having such information public and is comfortable enough to put it out there. Also, you said he has a ton of other things he likes, so I'd assume there'd require a reasonable amount of shifting through his likes to find these pages which honestly most people don't care enough to do, especially us teenagers. I assure you, there is nothing wrong with him having that information public, anyway.

2) Who to trust: I find no offence from this because I honestly don't trust anyone. I put my input where i feel it would be useful and take advice I find helpful. It is really your decision on who to trust, if anyone at all.

3)The porn: I'm so glad you've been open with him on this front. It's nice to know there is at least one parent who understands that porn is not "the devil's work". I mean really, if all parents were like you teenagers wouldn't be so secretive and sneaky about what we do. It's great that you have talked to him and allowed him to be open about anything he wants to with you. Don't condemn porn, but it's also just as bad to promote it. I agree that having him know porn is all a fantasy is great advice and guess you've already gone over that with him.

Overall, you're an awesome father to your son. Even though I'm younger than him, i know he's going to look back on all of this and thank you for being so open and protective while not being overbearing. Keep being supportive of your son, that's the most important thing you can do for him. I do wish you good luck for the future, good health and a strong relationship between you and your son.

Have a glorious day, Sir,
Mattis Veneficus

PS. About you saying, "I'd prefer you not be gay." Simply explain yourself to him. So long as he understands that is no longer how you feel and you would love to take it back if you could, then you have done the right thing and made sure he knows you love him for who he is and wouldn't have him any other way.

 

It's his responsibility as a parent to ensure his child is safe. From what I've seen, he's done that to a 'T'. I'd rather be mortified about something my parents say than become a sex toy for some pervert. I think if your parents had done what this man has done, you would be grateful; at least in the long run.

 

Condorman (*hug*) cuz I think you deserve the biggest hug in the world. All in all I don't think your son could have asked for a better response from you, and I hope my parents take things as well when I come out to them.
Throughout this entire thread your sole concern seem to be how to be the best father possible for your son, and my question is, how are you? Do you have enough support right now? Do you have anyone you can turn to, people here at EC will always be willing to give practical advise but please don't burn your self out. You made it clear earlier that your ex wife is no help to you.

 

Speaking as a brother of two IT-professionals: the harder you try to control his use of the internet the better he will become at finding ways to go around them. If you ask me, you're better advised helping your son deciding by himself what is right or wrong so he can set his own borders (to some limits). Still, if you choose to make your internet access children- and teenfriendly you may go for professional counsel.

Speaking as a gay son: Having a supporting and loving parent is unbelievably important. Many of us would also rather be straight than gay for whatever reasons. Just keep being supportive.

about the likes: coming out is and will always be your son's decision. Time, place, ways... there are many who decide not to. If he does I'd say he feels already pretty confident about his sexuality.

I can't tell you whom you should trust. I've made some very good experiences here but that's the internet. I'd rather be concerned about real life. Usually, scientists don't have any problems with lgbt, but that's not a really helpful advice.

pron: your son is under the age of 18. No matter how soft this pron might be, this could in any event cause harm to his development. But since controlling the internet is not gonna work (as you have seen) you may want to talk about porn to your son. It will be an awkward conversation and you both may have to... (sry, I lack English here) jump over you shadows? (we would say that, meaning to do something you wouldn't usually do) but it all for the best for you son.