Found 12 year old son viewing gay porn - PLEASE HELP!!!

No problem. As you can see from the titles, it touches on a lot of the questions and issue's you're having. Setting aside the question of your son's sexual orientation, these are issues that naturally pop up as kids grow older and become teens. It's stuff that you'd have to address regardless.

One of the absolute best videos that you could watch, if you only watch one, is episode two. There is so much great advice in that video, and it's something I've referred to again and again since I first watched it. It helps you get through these often difficult questions, and provides you with suggestions on how to have these sometimes uncomfortable conversations.

 

So I don't really know if this is a nessisary comment but coming from a closeted teen I can say this. First I am really really happy that your supportive of him but... Don't take it too far. I am almost 16 and even hinting at my sexuality to my parents is terrifying do to a twelve year old that probably doesn't know what his is must be even worse. My best suggestion is that he is at least mildly bi but that's not for certain he may be straight(not very likely but that is still a possibility). Don't bring it up with the son like at all it will just terrify him. Keep a home that is lgbt friendly but not overly. Until he is out/whatever he is don't become too pro-lgbt because if he is trying to hide it he will just force that away. Also it will make him believe that you know and if he is trying to hide it. That will make him anxious and push you away to protect himself.(what I am kinda going through right now). I know you also don't want his father to find out do dropping the topic altogether with your son will make him less likely to make a random comment to his dad that would be detrimental to both of your causes. I understand you may not want your son to hide his sexuality but for him to deal with high-school and middle-school that may be what he chooses to do. When he does that (if he does) he will stay neutral on lgbt topics (if not conservative) to hide. If you push him about if he likes boys that will freak him out and he will (uhhh terrifying thinking about it myself) not want to come out even more and hide it. Even if you have the best relationship with your son in the world he is Likly to hide it until he atleast understands himself more. I know you may want to help but something that personal is sometimes done the least stressful by yourself. I thank you for researching this and coming to EC. I am sorry about the comments on your amount of (just) control. They were out of line and as far as I have seen not normal.

 

When I was twelve I did watch porn, and I think every teenage boy does at some point. But I agree with you Cann, just because everyone does it does not make it right. Now whether your okay with your son watching porn at a legal age is a different story. But I personally think you are not controlling. If a parent is not trying to stop their child from watching porn underage, then mercy on them.

Now whether your son I gay or not is something that you need to give him time to come out himself. I think your doing a great job, modelling your son into a good man. I would be proud if you were my mother.

 

As I've said to a few people, porn, in my opinion, is not really a good indicator of sexual orientation. It's the attractions that make you who you are, not what you get off on. But I'm not totally dismissing it either. It could be, but for me, it's never really a good indicator.

 

I am very sorry that other members of the site criticizing you for being a good mother. I think that you should just let him take his time because he will NOT tell you anything until he is ready to do so. Just be patient and as soon as he has accepted it he will tell you but make sure that you never use homophobic comments around him and don't ask him if he has a girlfriend because I know that when my mother used to ask me that I would become really uncomfortable. I mean don't assume that any child is straight because if they aren't then they could be hurt. Work on your child's confidence make him feel safe in your home you seem like a great mother and I think that what you did(block the porn sites) was a logic response to seeing that your child was watching it. Good luck

 

Oh geeze, I hate it when my relatives ask those kinds of things too. >.<
I hope you could help him out by distracting people asking those kind of questions. I wish I have someone helping me out in those situations. =<

 

I'm sorry but the entire idea of passing off the family name is stupid. You and your child did not sign a legal agreement stating that he'll live the stereotypical traditional American lifestyle.

Actually there are lots of laws that don't make logical sense. Laws don't make up what's morally acceptable and what isn't. People actually die from side effects from Alcohol and Tobacco yet nobody dies from marijuana complications. Does that make logical sense? Also it's illegal to stick a quarter in your ear and to not own a boat in Hawaii.. Some laws just don't make sense.

Anyways I didn't come here to bash you. i congratulate you on genuinely caring about your child's well being. I would suggest that you leave the entire thing off to the side. You told him that you love him & that no matter what that you'll be there for him. That's all a child needs. He may be gay or he might be bi. Either way, let him figure out his own sexuality and come to you about it when he's ready. Don't make a big deal about it because being gay shouldn't be treated any differently then being a lefty. Sure you didn't know that before but they are the same person that they were before. Saying that "I need to know" and acting like you need to know is kind of selfish on your part. I'm sure that it's even harder for him to figure out his sexuality. When he knows he knows and when the time is right he'll tell you. Just gotta keep waiting.

 

He maybe gay or just feeding curiosity.

All I can say is how we deal with porn with our children once they reach high school or the last year of primary school - That it is natural to look and be interested and stress that it most porn is pure entertainment and not real sex. Much of what you see isn't actually happens and like most visual arts, they know the tricks to make things look real.

We also point out one or two websites that if they are going to watch, watch them as they are known for their security measures to prevent computer viruses. And that any questions they have, we'll answer.

I've personally found that the open honest answers works best. A zero level of tabooism in discussion of topics has led to two conservative daughters so far while many of those who are raised with all the taboos take dangerous risks.

 

Yeah don't ask him whether he likes any girls or has a girlfriend, because you may make him uncomfortable if he is shy and introverted. Also, do not ask him if he is gay either, because if he is uncomfortable or questioning his sexuality, you may push him further into the closet.
Just give him time to figure himself out. When he is ready, he will come out to you. In the meanwhile, you can openly show your support for issues relating to LGBT, such as marriage equality (etc...), so he can feel safe and comfortable to come out to you if he turns out to be gay or bisexual.

 

First of all, he's 12. He's going to be curious about sex.
The way that you approached the situation (blocking the sites and interrogating him) has probably left him feeling like he's done something wrong. In reality, he was doing something perfectly normal.

 

Your Son may be gay, but he also may currently be questioning. Watching porn doesn't really mean that much, but it could be a sign.

 

I think let it be.. If it is not going to change your view of your son, then let it be and let your son call the shots when and if is ready to admit to himself. I am bisexual and I used to watch women masturbating and told myself it was so I could gain experience to learn how to do it myself, however when I was ready, I cpuld admit that I liked watching it and became aroused by it.. He is still very young, not even a teenage yet, so it could be many years before he admits to himself let alone you.. Perhaps knowing his fathers reaction could also be be discouraging him as well. I say you are doing a good job in supporting him and it's well enough to ge opinions on if he might be gay from others but the only person to know for sure is your son, so be there for him but don't push him
Or make him feel forced to come out if he isn't ready.

 

I realize that, however I just felt like I really wanted to respond to this, so I appreciate you mentioning it, but I really wanted to have a say even if the issue has been addressed and answered.

 

I can't tell if your son is curious, or was sexually exploited by a classmate. Either way, when I started watching porn, it was lesbian porn. I tried to watch one video of straight porn and I could not finish the video. Honestly, porn is what helped me realize I was gay. Let your son experiment. It's okay for him to look at these images and try to understand his bodies natural response to them.